Guest coming to stay with ridiculous last minute requests.

[mummysept22]

I am so miffed and I don't really know what I expect people to say, I just need to rant.

An auntie who I haven't seen for years is coming to stay this weekend. She's always been a bit of a pain in that it's very much all about her and she won't compromise on much. She's been single forever so I guess that's just what she is used to- which is fine, to a point! I often feel like she enjoys pushing people and getting a reaction. Then putting it on you if you get annoyed.

So although I'm looking forward to seeing her I have been a bit worried about how the weekend will go.

It's just got a lot worse. I asked what time her train was leaving Sunday so I could book a Table for lunch. After whinging that I was already thinking about her leaving she said she wouldn't eat lunch and eat dinner when she got home. I explained that as I am 8 months pregnant I would need to eat before her train at 4pm! She said not to book too much (this is the only thing I was booking).
I asked if she would like Indian on Friday night, she said she doesn't eat takeaways. I explained it was a restaurant. She then explained she doesn't eat out as she can't be sure of cleanliness and how they source their food. Then explained she only eats eggs, meat and fish if she knows how they were fed and raised.

She is arriving in less than 24 hours- what the hell am I supposed to do?! I live in a very rural area (on an island actually) so we are really limited with shops etc and I will need to go shopping in the nearest town. I have a scan in the morning and have to work all day afterwards. On top of this I am heavily pregnant and knackered, didn't plan on cooking much! She just keeps telling me she will bring cheese and wine 🙈 and she's happy with pasta and butter but it's not really how I spend my weekends- we are social and I enjoy going out to eat or cooking and sitting around a table talking the night away. I genuinely don't know what I am going to do with her for two days!!
Help!!

This was my first thought. My Mum is like that. Hates eating out due to digestive problems.
Basic food at home is what you need.

You are both being very inflexible.

I can assure you the world won’t come to an end if you alter your routine for two days. Just stay home and enjoy her company rather than trying to get her to adapt to your life, it is only 2 days after all and she is bringing the cheese and wine.

You can guarantee she’s lying about being happy with pasta and butter.

Genuine question

how do you ‘enjoy the company’ of someone who is inflexible, opinionated and that you don’t know very well?

Can you check the hygiene ratings online and send them too her? Is she maybe worried about the cost? And just doesn't want to say? X

I’d just let her get on with her pasta and butter at home whilst you carry on with your plans.

She sounds pretty rude

I wanna live on an island with a Waitrose and eat pasta and butter! <sulky>

Sorry OP, not helpful.

Give her a fish finger sandwich 🤣

Anglesey?

It’s not the not eating out that’s the problem. It’s that OP hadn’t planned for it, hasn’t got the food in, can’t drink wine, might want to eat more than cheese for 48 hours, can’t do her Sunday activity as it’s close to the pub vs close to home, and at eight months pregnant might fancy meals out because someone else cooks and cleans up, vs her doing it at home.

It would all be way less of a problem if the aunt had said, at the time of organising the visit, “By the way, I don’t eat out and have food issues, so I’ll be bringing cheese, please don’t cater for me and do whatever you want.”

I just can't bear the thought of her eating pasta and butter and my husband and I eating a proper meal.

So this is a you problem, not your aunt’s problem. She sounds alright.

I’ve lived on an island with three Waitroses.

In my experience the island branches don’t carry the full range and have empty shelves every time there’s a storm!

I would make lovely homemade meals for my guests but the problem is op is far along pregnant and does not want to be cooking all day especially with someone with a lot of requirements that's hard work. She can't just make a quick chicken stir fry because the aunt wants to know where the chicken is from. I would suggest if you have any friends or family can they help you make some dishes you can stick in the freezer? I would suggest a vegetable lasagna, vegetable curry, moussaka. If you're not feeling up to cooking a lot make sandwiches or a toasty add a salad on the side with a nice dressing and some fancy crisps to jazz it up. Then you have a meal. Soup Is also easy to make with some crusty bread. Does your island have online delivery available?

Surely being a good host is about meeting your guest's needs/wants, not just showing them your favourites?

It's annoying that she's left it to the last minute to tell you. But equally, you seem to have planned out the whole visit in detail without checking to ask your guest what she might like. She's not the only one being inflexible.

She's happy with pasta and butter so that's one meal. Jar of veggie pasta sauce for another. Frozen pizza or veggie ready meal. Cheese sandwiches or leftover pizza as a picnic. None of it has to be complicated.

She sounds like a ginormous pain in the arse and I’m not sure why you’re hosting her at all, particularly at this stage of pregnancy! Let her eat the pasta and butter, don’t make your life any more difficult than it has to be.

Exactly,she doesn't want a take away, she wants pasta !

YABU. How lovely that your elderly aunt is making a huge effort to visit you. The least you can do is accommodate her (perfectly reasonable) requests. If I went to stay with someone I would expect them to go to the effort of cooking for me - simple food is absolutely fine, as she has said - not carting me from restaurant to pub. I hope you have a wonderful time together.

This. Also, you won't be able to go out for nice leisurely meals and talk the night away when the baby is here, so you might as well practice for a weekend ;)

I think it's vegetarian as opposed to vegan as they use ghee

@Siepie I discussed a loose plan with her a few weeks ago and she said it sounded great!

@stuntbubbles exactly this! I would cater for any requirements with good notice. We discussed these plans a few weeks ago and she agreed and sounded very enthusiastic!

I still do not get why this is such a problem.

She doesn’t want a takeaway, but that’s no problem, as loads of people have said. Get vegetarian food to eat in.

You’re told her you want to eat Sunday lunch out, and she’s said she won’t eat til dinner - just stick to your plans.

On Saturday do/eat whatever you were planning anyway, just make it vegetarian.

It’s not the not eating out that’s the problem. It’s that OP hadn’t planned for it, hasn’t got the food in, can’t drink wine, might want to eat more than cheese for 48 hours, can’t do her Sunday activity as it’s close to the pub vs close to home, and at eight months pregnant might fancy meals out because someone else cooks and cleans up, vs her doing it at home.

But it’s possible to get some easy vegetation food in, the wine is a red herring as she’s not drinking that either in a restaurant or at home, everyone can eat more than cheese, that’s just ridiculous, they can go to the pub on Sunday if they really want to (I can’t see what the ‘activity’ is so not sure what that’s about) and at eight months pregnant there’s an aunt and a partner to clear up at home so I genuinely cannot see that this is the issue it’s being made out to be.

I would make lovely homemade meals for my guests but the problem is op is far along pregnant and does not want to be cooking all day especially with someone with a lot of requirements that's hard work. She can't just make a quick chicken stir fry because the aunt wants to know where the chicken is from. I would suggest if you have any friends or family can they help you make some dishes you can stick in the freezer?

She also has a whole husband. Just saying.

But the Waitrose run WITH the aunt after meeting her at the train probably solves most of the problems for making meals at home. If the aunt can't find a chicken, eggs, or meat with acceptable parentage, perhaps there's some well-bred tofu and veggies for a stir fry, or stick to the suggested pasta.

I'm not sure I'd be cooking in the heat at 8.5 months, but there will be two other adults. I think the main problem is that the OP's plans included days out with stops for meals, which makes sense in a sparsely populated place and for someone preg, and now that's off the table.

Problem solved - she's cancelled!