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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guest coming to stay with ridiculous last minute requests.

283 replies

mummysept22 · 28/07/2022 20:52

I am so miffed and I don't really know what I expect people to say, I just need to rant.

An auntie who I haven't seen for years is coming to stay this weekend. She's always been a bit of a pain in that it's very much all about her and she won't compromise on much. She's been single forever so I guess that's just what she is used to- which is fine, to a point! I often feel like she enjoys pushing people and getting a reaction. Then putting it on you if you get annoyed.

So although I'm looking forward to seeing her I have been a bit worried about how the weekend will go.

It's just got a lot worse. I asked what time her train was leaving Sunday so I could book a Table for lunch. After whinging that I was already thinking about her leaving she said she wouldn't eat lunch and eat dinner when she got home. I explained that as I am 8 months pregnant I would need to eat before her train at 4pm! She said not to book too much (this is the only thing I was booking).
I asked if she would like Indian on Friday night, she said she doesn't eat takeaways. I explained it was a restaurant. She then explained she doesn't eat out as she can't be sure of cleanliness and how they source their food. Then explained she only eats eggs, meat and fish if she knows how they were fed and raised.

She is arriving in less than 24 hours- what the hell am I supposed to do?! I live in a very rural area (on an island actually) so we are really limited with shops etc and I will need to go shopping in the nearest town. I have a scan in the morning and have to work all day afterwards. On top of this I am heavily pregnant and knackered, didn't plan on cooking much! She just keeps telling me she will bring cheese and wine 🙈 and she's happy with pasta and butter but it's not really how I spend my weekends- we are social and I enjoy going out to eat or cooking and sitting around a table talking the night away. I genuinely don't know what I am going to do with her for two days!!
Help!!

OP posts:
PollyPingit · 03/08/2022 10:10

BareGrylls · 28/07/2022 21:29

If you can't miss out on a couple of nights out for a guest you invited then having a baby is going to cramp your style a bit.
It doesn't seem like you want to do anything to make your aunt feel welcome and want to drag her along to nights out.
Surely you can go for a walk without having to eat out? You wouldn't go walking all day would you?

This! Exactly what I was going to say. Poor lady would definitely not want to come if she knew how unwelcome she actually is!🙁

HelenHywater · 03/08/2022 10:27

I have rtft. I don't think the aunt was unreasonable. She wanted to stay in and eat vegan homecooked food. You didn't really sound as though you wanted her to stay, and presumably your husband could have helped you menu plan and get some food in for her. It was just 2 days.

Anyway, I agree, best result in the end. For all of you.

mam0918 · 03/08/2022 10:39

Why are you buying food for her?

I regularly visit friends non go out and specifically buy special foods just for me and I have several food allergies.

If someone is awkward its on them to sort their food.

Same with going out, I have a very picky vegan friend who wont eat from public food places in case of 'contamination' but we still go and eat. She chooses not to eat and just sits there (usually takes a pot noodle to eat its wierd lol) but its her choice not our burden.

Supersimkin2 · 03/08/2022 10:49

Rude cow. Make as little effort as possible - then cackle when her sanctimony control bounces back on her.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/08/2022 11:11

mummysept22 · 28/07/2022 21:23

@QuestionableMouse I can source really good eggs locally I just feel like she won't eat them unless she has seen the bloody chickens they came from 😳

I just came on to say this! We get our eggs from our farm. I'm sure if we really wanted they would introduce the chickens to us. It might be a nice trip, "This is Mabel, she lays double-yokers" etc. Grin

EL8888 · 03/08/2022 11:21

I have noticed a trend for this in the last few years. It's like people think they are staying in a hotel, are paying for the privilege but they aren't. If she didn't want to eat out then she would need to have be prepared to cook. Why should a heavily pregnant host have to run around after her?

I have had my fair share of this; "you don't have the brand of butter l usually get". "Your spare bedroom is really uncomfortable". Other classics include "l don't feel like bringing toiletries so l thought l would use yours while lm staying". "You know we agreed l was coming for 3 nights? Well, it's cheaper to come for 5 so lm doing that!". She is then put out that we don't have any more annual leave to take from work

Pinkclouds80 · 03/08/2022 11:25

She sounds like a histrionic, attention seeking old bellend and the last thing you need at 8 months preg. Try not to buy into the dynamic of you meeting her needs, and abandon the idea of making her happy. She’ll deal with with it.

EL8888 · 03/08/2022 11:28

@Pinkclouds80 yeah good point about not feeding into her demands abc trying to make her happy. With these types of people then NOTHING is ever good enough. You are wasting your time by trying to do this

Constantcrayfish · 03/08/2022 11:29

mummysept22 · 29/07/2022 13:24

Problem solved - she's cancelled!

Just reposting this from three pages back.

SpindleSheWrote · 03/08/2022 11:31

Pinkclouds80 · 03/08/2022 11:25

She sounds like a histrionic, attention seeking old bellend and the last thing you need at 8 months preg. Try not to buy into the dynamic of you meeting her needs, and abandon the idea of making her happy. She’ll deal with with it.

You got that reading the OP's posts?

Goodness. How thorough.

Bellaboo01 · 03/08/2022 11:46

rainbowstardrops · 02/08/2022 20:21

The aunt cancelled!!!! At least read the OP's post

I assumed it was a new post as it appeared at the top of the thread. I couldn't be bothered to read through 10 pages about an old lady who didn't want to go for lunch or a curry so i just replied to the OP - opppppssss, sorry!

KatherineJaneway · 03/08/2022 11:50

Bellaboo01 · 03/08/2022 11:46

I assumed it was a new post as it appeared at the top of the thread. I couldn't be bothered to read through 10 pages about an old lady who didn't want to go for lunch or a curry so i just replied to the OP - opppppssss, sorry!

Show quote history

Then just filter by the OP's posts and read them

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 03/08/2022 12:21

If you knew she was such a nightmare, why on earth did you invite her when you're eight months pregnant?

ivykaty44 · 03/08/2022 12:42

She just keeps telling me she will bring cheese and wine 🙈 and she's happy with pasta and butter

order take away for you and leave aunt to eat her pasta and butter, cheese and wine - you can still eat together - just different meals

Foronenightonly22 · 03/08/2022 12:49

Regarding eggs - Any local farmers selling free range eggs at the end of their lane/off the farm?

Sceptre86 · 03/08/2022 13:01

She's set in her ways, so are you. Just buy in simple food, let her make it if she prefers. One weekend of not having a takeaway or going to a restaurant won't kill you. You can do all that when she leaves. It is kind to make some compromises when a guest comes over, if it sounds like too much of a hardship and you don't enjoy her company when she comes over don't make plans with her again.

crosstalk · 03/08/2022 13:27

Bit of a drip feed regardless. The relative is apparently someone OP enjoyed seeing when OP was living in London. Yet in a later post she is tricksy and prone to behaving like this. It may be she was looking forward to coming but has an illness that means the journey is a bit too much or she thinks she can't manage away from home as she had hoped she might. Pasta/not pasta sounds strange, though.

I hope the OP has a straightforward birth .... and that she has told her strange relative how sad she is she isn't coming.

Youdoyoutoday · 03/08/2022 14:21

I thought I had read all of the op's posts! Calm down!

Middmary · 03/08/2022 14:38

Sorry, but I dont think shes being that unreasonable.

So she doesnt like take-out. Its fine, not everyone does.

Maybe she means she prefers food where she knows how it was prepared and where it was bought and how old it is? Unlike restaurants where they could be using anything and it is usually frozen. Therefore would be happy with anything you prepared at home or that she can help you prepare at home? Ie pasta? Shes not expecting a lot. I think she said that so you wouldnt feel compelled to suddenly cook a 3-course meal.

Cut her some slack, take it easy and just enjoy her stay. Cook easy things, pasta, a quick roast and potatoes in the oven, sandwiches for lunch that you take on your walks, then its all home cooked.

ErrolTheDragon · 03/08/2022 15:17

I couldn't be bothered to read through 10 pages about an old lady who didn't want to go for lunch or a curry so i just replied to the OP - opppppssss, sorry!

Why do people bother to post on a thread if they CBA to at least read the OPs posts? (Theres a filter button so you can do this, it works for the OPs posts regardless of whether you're a premium subscriber or not).

The aunt has cancelled the visit.
(And the aunt is only 60 so not an 'old lady', not that that should make any differenceHmm).

Bellaboo01 · 03/08/2022 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

UrsulaPandress · 03/08/2022 19:48

It really isn’t.

mbosnz · 03/08/2022 19:57

My mother would have handed you your ass on a plate, being called an old lady at 60. She was still working, and she was also going great guns in volunteering, including meals on wheels delivering to the oldies. She now reluctantly admits she's getting older, at 85. She still volunteers and organises all over the town.

Bellaboo01 · 03/08/2022 20:05

UrsulaPandress · 03/08/2022 19:48

It really isn’t.

Of course it isn't, i was just being silly!

I just find it so strange how people get so irate about the most unimportant things in life on this forum.

I've only recently joined and many of the 'Aibu' seem so unkind and all the posts that i have seen, if you say 'yes you are being unreasonable' then you are then challenged, If the original poster doesn't want someone's opinion then don't ask for for it.

Bellaboo01 · 03/08/2022 20:08

mbosnz · 03/08/2022 19:57

My mother would have handed you your ass on a plate, being called an old lady at 60. She was still working, and she was also going great guns in volunteering, including meals on wheels delivering to the oldies. She now reluctantly admits she's getting older, at 85. She still volunteers and organises all over the town.

Wind your neck in - i wasn't being serious. Of course 60 isn't old, just everyone that was responding was speaking about her like an old, stuck in her ways old lady but, she seemed anything but!

My beautiful Dad is well into his 90's and still going strong and I don't consider him an old man!