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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to go to football on boxing day

127 replies

Austin0210 · 28/07/2022 19:43

Disclaimer.... I'm not sure if I'm overreacting *

My husband has a football season ticket which involves him going to games 2 or 3 times a month (usually on a saturday) when he goes it's usually from about 12 until late due to him going for a drink after the game which I'm usually fine with.

We are expecting out first baby in December and has said today that he is planning to go to the football on boxing day (he goes most years) am I being unreasonable to think that he would want to spend our child's first xmas/boxing day with us? Growing up that was the tradition that we saw family and had time together but he doesn't get that concept as his family "doesn't do christmas"

I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting or whether I am in the right to be upset that he's chosing to go to a football match and leave me at home with the baby (I would probably end up going to my mums or somewhere to spend with others so its not just me and baby) I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

OP posts:
hedgehoglurker · 28/07/2022 19:47

Will you be with the rest of your family on Boxing Day and keeping the family tradition? If so, it doesn't seem unreasonable for him to go out on Boxing Day at all. If he was intending to go out on Christmas Day, that would be a different matter.

babyjellyfish · 28/07/2022 19:48

Quite apart from Christmas, I wouldn't want my husband to go out for that long on any day when my baby was that small.

rahjama · 28/07/2022 19:48

I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

I think that's the problem. Going to football on boxing day instead of spending family time isn't the issue if he's done it in the past. You need to make sure that he knows he can't just swan off whenever he likes until late, leaving you with the baby. Especially if your baby is due in December then he/she will only be really young.

I don't think you're overreacting.

Topgub · 28/07/2022 19:48

Is be going to continue not doing Xmas when he's a dad?

Is he going to continue going to football almost every weekend when he's a dad?

Will you also get to go out 2 or 3 Saturdays a month when the baby is here?

Sapphire387 · 28/07/2022 19:48

Are you going to have the equivalent in 'time off' to yourself while he looks after the baby? That would be my question to him.

User129867588 · 28/07/2022 19:49

YABU - you will still have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together. It’s only 3 hours out of the day. It’s all about compromise and if he’s not that big into Christmas celebrations you will need to make your own traditions. One might be, daddy goes to football on Boxing day so it’s mummy/child time for something special

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 19:51

I'm a mum. I have a football season ticket. This will be my DD first Xmas and I'm still planning to go to the football with my sister on Boxing Day (if my team are home)like we always do. I will be with my family and baby Xmas eve, Xmas day and the rest of Boxing Day depending on kick off time.
I don't really see what the issue is as long as you also get time to peruse your hobbies.

User129867588 · 28/07/2022 19:51

Plus make sure you get some time to yourself ☺️ - again, it’s all about compromise

QueSyrahSyrah · 28/07/2022 19:53

If he's done it for years, and Christmas isn't so much of a thing for him, then I'd let it go depending when baby is due / arrives in December. If it's the 1st then one day away after 3 weeks (and when you have family support on hand) maybe fair enough, if it's the 21st then no.

DH and I have very different ideas of Christmas and we just muddle our way around it enough to suit everyone (in our case I'm the 'not that bothered' one who'd happily just stay at home and have a pizza on Christmas Day and his family are the traditionalists).

There's still plenty of Christmas left to spend together even if he's away one day.

YetiTeri · 28/07/2022 19:53

Boxing day football is really special for fans. A Christmas tradition in itself, and one he should want to include your child in in a few years time. Definitely carve out other time for yourself but can you see this as an opportunity to do something with your family without him around?

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 19:53

DD is 5m old and I haven't been back since she was born (missed the 2nd half of last season) but hoping to start going back within the first couple of weeks of this season although I may not make as many games as before. And within 2 years I would be hoping to take her with me sometimes.

TheStarsDontShine · 28/07/2022 19:55

I've been to every home Boxing Day match before and after children - they came with me from an early age but little stayed at home with their Dad. Boxing Day football is not less important than any other Christmas tradition. I've also been to the darts... 😂

gingergato · 28/07/2022 19:55

If he's spending Christmas Eve and day with you I don't think it's a huge issue for him to go to the football for 3 hours Boxing Day.

VanCleefArpels · 28/07/2022 19:55

I think you are over reacting. Life doesn’t stand still when a baby arrives and Boxing Day is traditionally a very big day in football. And in the very early days and weeks there’s very little the other parent can practically do for/with the baby since they are basically either eating or sleeping. Of course there’s laundry and making cups of tea etc but being out for a few hours really isn’t here or there. Perhaps ask him to come straight back and but go for a drink on this occasion? You will probably enjoy a few hours to yourself to sleep or watch a movie!!

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 19:55

TheStarsDontShine · 28/07/2022 19:55

I've been to every home Boxing Day match before and after children - they came with me from an early age but little stayed at home with their Dad. Boxing Day football is not less important than any other Christmas tradition. I've also been to the darts... 😂

What age did you start taking yours out of interest?

balalake · 28/07/2022 19:58

I think just going to the match then coming home would be reasonable. Unless he is a glory seeker such as 99.99% of those who follow Manchester United, in which case going any day is unreasonable.

Namechanger965 · 28/07/2022 19:58

When DH had a season ticket he used to go on Boxing Day (if at home) and I would go and see my family with DC that day, he would take them to see his the day after (sometimes I would go, depending on if I had other plans). We would spend Christmas Day just us and the DC at home. Worked quite well as we had ‘our’ Christmas, a Christmas with each side of the family and both got some time to ourselves.

Thinkbiglittleone · 28/07/2022 19:59

I wouldn't have a problem with it continuing to be part of the Christmas tradition.

Original poster
Austin0210 · 28/07/2022 20:01

Thanks everyone this is really helpful, I think I'm feeling especially sensitive this week so wanted the opinion of others so I can either cool it down or spend the rest of the evening sulking 😅

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/07/2022 20:01

If mother and baby are well, I’m not sure what the problem is? Obvs mum/baby health might not be known until the day.

Boxing Day football is a bit of a tradition for a lot of people. I’m not a football fan by any means, but I’d let him go. Boxing Day isn’t Christmas Day, it’s not all day. I’d quite like him to come home soberish at a reasonable time. Make the list of it before your weekends are overrun with kids football matches, swimming galas and orchestra rehearsals!

SunsetOverEasterIsland · 28/07/2022 20:02

balalake · 28/07/2022 19:58

I think just going to the match then coming home would be reasonable. Unless he is a glory seeker such as 99.99% of those who follow Manchester United, in which case going any day is unreasonable.

GrinGrinGrinGrin

DelorisVC · 28/07/2022 20:03

We often go to a match on Boxing day. I would leave my baby at home with their Dad just so I could go though. Especially on their first Christmas.

DelorisVC · 28/07/2022 20:04

Wouldn't that should read.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 28/07/2022 20:06

Boxing Day football is a tradition in itself for many families.

Maybe in years to come your DH will take your children with him and you’ll be glad of the tradition giving you a post Christmas rest.

hulahooper2 · 28/07/2022 20:07

Yabu Christmas is over then