Husband wants to go to football on boxing day

[Austin0210]

Disclaimer.... I'm not sure if I'm overreacting *

My husband has a football season ticket which involves him going to games 2 or 3 times a month (usually on a saturday) when he goes it's usually from about 12 until late due to him going for a drink after the game which I'm usually fine with.

We are expecting out first baby in December and has said today that he is planning to go to the football on boxing day (he goes most years) am I being unreasonable to think that he would want to spend our child's first xmas/boxing day with us? Growing up that was the tradition that we saw family and had time together but he doesn't get that concept as his family "doesn't do christmas"

I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting or whether I am in the right to be upset that he's chosing to go to a football match and leave me at home with the baby (I would probably end up going to my mums or somewhere to spend with others so its not just me and baby) I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

She said he usually goes from about 12 until late.

Plus this year it will be the first game after the World Cup so no other games from November onwards.

Boxing Day is always a big deal - regardless of other issues

I would be dumping my baby on my parents and joining him.
Missing the football on boxing Day is like leaving the roasties off Xmas dinner! Scandalous!

This is in no way a massive leap or evidence-free assumption 🙄🙄🙄

@babyjellyfish try reading the updates. He's not going to go for that long now.

They had a discussion and reached an agreement.

That'll disappoint some I am sure!

Excellent update.

It is becoming increasingly rare to have threads where the OP takes on what posters say, and then the OP has a sensible, discussion with their OH and a good solution is reached.

No frothing, no 'ltb' needed, no hyperbole.

Great update.

I think it's fine. He will have had Xmas day with you won't he? And not a lot usually goes on on Boxing Day. Can't you go too? It might be fun.

I know this is an old thread, but a google search led me here. I've just had the same discussion with my husband (this is our second Christmas married). He goes to football 2/3 times a month on Saturdays so often misses things. He wants us to spend Christmas Day this year with his family. Fine. Boxing Day my sister is having a big party, and I assumed he was coming. But just found out that nope, he's going to football. So he clearly does not want to spend Christmas with my family. I'm so upset. We are trying for a baby, and he's already said he won't change his opinion on football when he has a child. I'm sorry, but why is football that important? He'd rather go watch a load of blokes run about after a ball – a load of blokes who don't even know he exists – rather than spend time with family. I just don't get it.

In my family, Boxing Day is just as big a celebration as Christmas Day. All the families (cousins, aunts etc) come together on Boxing Day. With each family taking it in turns to host each year. So I would be very upset my husband doesn't want to spend the day with us.

Which is what's happening this year. I'm spending Christmas Day with his family, assuming he was spending Boxing Day with mine. But Nope, he's going football. Livid.

It was our family tradition to go to the boxing day football match home OR away!
In Melbourne you go to the Boxing Day test match at the MCG

@aggiemay21 Watching football is a hobby, the same way some people go to the gym or golf etc. My DH always had a season ticket before kids and still goes to watch the football now that we have 3, it’s his ‘me time’. I get equal time usually on the days of away games or sometimes on Sunday. It’s good to still have your own time when you have kids, you don’t need to spend all your time as a family and it helps you stay sane. When the DC are older he plans on taking them with him, my cousins went with their dad as kids and they still go together as adults which I think is really nice. I don’t really ‘get’ football but I do understand it’s something they enjoy and is a priority to them.

As for Boxing Day this year, I wouldn’t be bothered that he’s not there. BUT as you don’t have kids yet I wouldn’t go to Christmas Day at his parents. I would see him for Christmas morning and do presents and then go over to my families for Christmas dinner and see them again Boxing Day. If he moans then I’d just point out he’s not bothered about seeing your family so didn’t think he be bothered about you seeing his.

OP, I am infact a football widow lol. All the home and away games are attended by my DH including abroad.

Ill be honest i knew this when i married him, football is his life.

BUT ill end this comment with the fact that he is an unreal dad to his 3 daughters, he is very present with them and now will miss a game if his daughters are competing in their sport which to be honest was a non negotiable by me but something he said he would have done anyways.

Sometimes it does piss me off if im honest, but i have to weight it all up and realize that he is present every other time.

Your tiny baby won’t miss him. Just make sure you get a few hours to yourself over Christmas, too.

I think that's what I'm going to do. Thank you. His mum doesn't cook Christmas Dinner either, so if I go to his family on Christmas day then I don't get a Christmas dinner and it's my favourite meal of the year. She doesn't do a sit-down celebration or crackers. Or anything. Just rolls and picky bits. It's such a sad offering, in my view. It's not that she can't afford it, and we've offered to buy a turkey, but she just doesn't want the bother of doing it. But insistent she hosts. I've offered so I can do a dinner and she will not do that.

So I think he can go footie boxing day and I'll see my family Christmas day and have a proper dinner with my family. When we have kids, we'll have to cross that bridge then.

Na I'm with your husband. Boxing day matches are a tradition and they're brilliant. One which your child can join in with in future years

She's "insistent she hosts" on Christmas Day but refuses to provide a Christmas Dinner??

My husband has done this before, same as I do things the world does not stop because someone wants to do something or because there is a baby around

Yup. Last year I went to his and missed my family Christmas dinner, so my mum plated me one up and I had it the next day for lunch (whilst everyone else had leftovers at our family boxing day buffet. Which my DH was there for as Ipswich town were playing away). It wasn't the same as it's as much about sitting together around the table, pulling crackers and being together as it is the turkey dinner.

I'm in a right quandary about what to do. My father is also sick with cancer and I feel like I should be with my family on Christmas day. But I feel bad for skipping my husband's day. But not so bad if he is going footie boxing day.

There's no way I'd accept an invitation anywhere that doesn't include a Christmas dinner - how bizarre?! Fuck that, you go to your family and leave him and his mum to their sandwiches - weirdos!

Honestly, I would just say, "Eating Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day is important to me. So either we will host and MIL can come to us, or I will go to my parents' house for Christmas Day, but going to MIL's on Christmas Day is not an option unless there will be a proper Christmas Dinner. I understand she does not want to cook one, this is fine, we will see her another day. Or she can come to us."

And say that every year.

Giving her the choice of either cooking Christmas Dinner, coming to yours, or seeing you on a different day is perfectly reasonable.

Saying, "You must come to my house on Christmas Day but there will be no Christmas Dinner because I can't be arsed" is not.

But I feel bad for skipping my husband's day

Is your husband Jesus?

How is Christmas his day?

If you went to his family's last year why do you have to go again this year? Don't feel guilty, he clearly doesn't!

Yabu. Boxing day football is a tradition in itself, he'll have a nice day with his mates.

This thread was started in July 2022!

Boxing Day football was, is and certainly will remain a major tradition.

Count yourself lucky - the big Christmas fixtures used to be on Christmas Day itself until the mid-1970s, and some public transport (including London buses) would be running because of that

@aggiemay21 You say "I just don't get it." That's right. I'm afraid you don't.

His mother doesn’t even do a Christmas dinner and your dads ill? Yeah screw that, see your family on both days. If anyone moans then just say you’ll be with your family as your dads not well, no one can disagree with that. Start as you mean to go on, don’t get sucked into a rubbish Christmas Day when he won’t even go to your family on Boxing Day.

Pre kids DH and I used to have Christmas dinner separately with our families and it was never a problem, we saw each other on the morning still. Since our eldest was a toddler we said we weren’t leaving our house on Christmas Day and we’ve stuck to that. We’ve had people come here and do presents some years, MIL has come for dinner some years and me and the kids usually spend Boxing Day having a second Christmas Day with my family when DH is watching the football, it works quite well for us.