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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband wants to go to football on boxing day

127 replies

Austin0210 · 28/07/2022 19:43

Disclaimer.... I'm not sure if I'm overreacting *

My husband has a football season ticket which involves him going to games 2 or 3 times a month (usually on a saturday) when he goes it's usually from about 12 until late due to him going for a drink after the game which I'm usually fine with.

We are expecting out first baby in December and has said today that he is planning to go to the football on boxing day (he goes most years) am I being unreasonable to think that he would want to spend our child's first xmas/boxing day with us? Growing up that was the tradition that we saw family and had time together but he doesn't get that concept as his family "doesn't do christmas"

I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting or whether I am in the right to be upset that he's chosing to go to a football match and leave me at home with the baby (I would probably end up going to my mums or somewhere to spend with others so its not just me and baby) I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

OP posts:

gardenofweedin · 28/07/2022 21:21

It's complicated... On the one hand, your baby will be so tiny and new... On the other, him having a tradition of going to football on Boxing Day might not be so bad, as long as your new little family has its own special traditions. (Is he anti-Christmas? How will you celebrate/not celebrate together?) Since you can visit your own family on Boxing Day, that might be a nice solution for everyone involved. Spend Christmas Day together with DH and DC, then go separate ways on Boxing Day to carry on your family's tradition with your child.

Kite22 · 28/07/2022 21:21

Going to sporting fixtures on Boxing Day is a really big thing which is part of the traditions of many, many people.
YABU to think that your Christmas tradition trumps his Christmas tradition.

Had you said "leaving you on your own with a new born" I would have replied differently, but it seems you will be with your Mum and possibly other family, so I don't see the issue.

Of course if you have reason to believe I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life then that is a completely different issue, but why do you think that is going to be the case? Is that the person you chose to have a baby with ? As going to a match on Boxing Day when you are surrounded with family doesn't sound like an issue to me.

gardenofweedin · 28/07/2022 21:30

As PP said, the problem of taking over most of the parental responsibility so that he can continue as he's always done seems more closely tied to all the other matches he attends through the year. The Boxing Day match seems less of a problem, imo, from a logistics point of view. I'd begin making it clear to him now that you expect him to be away for football viewing less often, if you haven't already. Having less spare time is part of being a parent, and he needs to be prepared for that.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/07/2022 22:52

There's loads of football on on Boxing Day.

I think you're being a little precious especially as you'll be with family.

user1471517900 · 28/07/2022 22:57

Based on their performances recently, Man United fans cannot be accused of glory hunting.
Depression hunting maybe.

Cas112 · 28/07/2022 23:00

I don't think this would bother me

I'd be bothered if it was Christmas Eve or Christmas Day

Ttbhappy · 28/07/2022 23:02

It's only one day many people go to watch sport on boxing day.

Justawaterformeplease · 28/07/2022 23:04

user1471517900 · 28/07/2022 22:57

Based on their performances recently, Man United fans cannot be accused of glory hunting.
Depression hunting maybe.

Haha, I thought the same thing!

Fupoffyagrasshole · 28/07/2022 23:08

He doesn’t do Christmas 🤷‍♀️ You knew this about him already I guess. I couldn’t care about this tbh once I was getting the same amount of baby free time to do what I like to do

toomuchlaundry · 28/07/2022 23:10

For everyone saying it is only 3 hours did you not read the OP saying he is out from 12 to late?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/07/2022 23:37

I think it’s a good time for a chat about expectations.

I don’t think the match itself is such a big deal as your fears as to what it represents.

Talk to him about how you’re worried you’ll be the default parents, and that your expectation is that you’re both equally committed to the baby / child/ children (as they got older/ if you have more) when you’re not respectively at work. That anything each of you want to do outside of work time needs to be discussed with the other one, and that overall you should have equal completely free time.

It probably hasn’t occurred to him yet that this is the deal! But now is a good time for that to start.

Mariposista · 28/07/2022 23:39

Cooping a bored man who doesn’t really do Christmas up with his in laws on Boxing Day when he would love to be at the football … you’re asking for post festive sulks and a bad atmosphere. Let him go, enjoy time with your family and when he comes back he will be in a good mood. And plan for a day when you get to go out child free in return.

BooksAndHooks · 28/07/2022 23:43

We had a Boxing Day baby. Now he is older he loves going to football on his birthday, he’s always disappointed when there isn’t a home game on Boxing Day. I’m glad DH introduced him to football. Now all five of us have season tickets so it’s family time.

Kite22 · 28/07/2022 23:49

toomuchlaundry · 28/07/2022 23:10

For everyone saying it is only 3 hours did you not read the OP saying he is out from 12 to late?

Yes, but that is a completely different question.

OP asked if she IBU to not want her dh to go to the match.
Now - obviously depending how far they live from the ground - that needn't take more than 4 hours or so for most season ticket holders.

If she was asking 'AIBU to not want dh to be out for 10 hours when he goes to the match?' then that would have got a different answer from me.

FrecklesMalone · 28/07/2022 23:51

It depends if the baby is 1 day or 30 days old. We often go to the football on Boxing Day and take the kids.

icclemunchy · 29/07/2022 00:00

Our compromise when our first was born was he would still do home matches barring anything out of the ordinary happening but away matches were by agreement and negotiation. That included home matches on boxing day. He also stopped going to the pub after every week.

That way yes he was out every other weekend or so for the season but just for the length of the match & travel. He still went to the odd away match especially the local Darby and grounds he hadn't been to before, and some weeks he'd go to the pub after but it was a discussion and had I ever said actually it's been a rough few hours can you come home he wouldn't of hesitated.

The flip side being he also did a lot to facilitate my hobbies and interests so we both got down time.

PugInTheHouse · 29/07/2022 00:10

We are all big football fans so it wouldn't bother me. DH went to the FA Cup semi final when DS2 was 3 days old, his mum came to spend the day with me as my whole family went. I was gutted I couldn't go to the final either as I was 6 weeks post c-sec so couldn't chance getting knocked.

I went to matches up to 4 days before DS was born then it worked out at next home match he was 3 weeks old so he came with me in a sling.

Original poster

Austin0210 · 29/07/2022 07:33

Thank you for all of the replies!
I had a chat with DH last night and ended up talking about responsibilities etc. I think I was fixating on boxing day because it's a specific day if that makes sense and trying not to moan about all of the other football, pub and rugby things he goes to on the weekends and evenings.
He now understands how I feel worried about being the responsible parents and has said that it won't be a "sesh" and I now understand that boxing day games are really important so we've compromised and like one of the PP has said we will try to make that into a tradition with our future DD
Thanks for all of the replies again, I'm usually quite level headed so it's nice to know when I'm right off the mark with an opinion! 😂

OP posts:

arrogantorwhat37 · 29/07/2022 07:35

your child will have no idea if it's christmas or world bunion day. You aren't going to be on your own
And how do you extrapolate from one day to you being the parent with major responsibility? It's give and take; sort this before baby arrives - if he does 'x', you can do 'y'... and keep doing this while children are growing up. Much easier than seething with resentment or moaning about it down the line

gogohmm · 29/07/2022 08:00

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to attend a local football match on Boxing Day, but only the match and home straight away, one drink at half time max if you have a new little one. Compromise

SweatyChamoisPad · 29/07/2022 08:03

My dad worked on the sports desk of a national newspaper so I never ever spent Boxing Day (or Easter Monday) with him. It was great - we always had a really chilled out Boxing Day at home, didn’t have to go visiting, played with our presents, watched TV, and went for a walk with my mum. That was our tradition.

VerveClique · 29/07/2022 08:10

Parenthood is a marathon not a sprint! Both parents need to do things they love from pre-kids in moderation, and your DC aren’t really tiny/needy for long.

MacKenzieMcHale · 29/07/2022 09:58

gogohmm · 29/07/2022 08:00

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to attend a local football match on Boxing Day, but only the match and home straight away, one drink at half time max if you have a new little one. Compromise

Trying to imagine a world in which I want to go to an event and DH says 'fine, but you can have one drink at the interval and then it's straight home' 🤨

He's an adult; does he also need to be policed into absolute sobriety at Christmas?

RobertaFirmino · 29/07/2022 10:31

our child's first xmas/boxing day

First Boxing Day? When on earth did that be come a thing? You do know that the baby won't have a clue don't you? All it will care about on 25th Dec is clean bum, mummy and milk.

tttigress · 29/07/2022 10:40

Personally I would be happy for him to go on boxing day (tradition etc ), but ...

-I would want him to cut down his 2-3 matches per month.
-When he goes to a game I would not want him out from 12.00 till late

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