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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to go to football on boxing day

127 replies

Austin0210 · 28/07/2022 19:43

Disclaimer.... I'm not sure if I'm overreacting *

My husband has a football season ticket which involves him going to games 2 or 3 times a month (usually on a saturday) when he goes it's usually from about 12 until late due to him going for a drink after the game which I'm usually fine with.

We are expecting out first baby in December and has said today that he is planning to go to the football on boxing day (he goes most years) am I being unreasonable to think that he would want to spend our child's first xmas/boxing day with us? Growing up that was the tradition that we saw family and had time together but he doesn't get that concept as his family "doesn't do christmas"

I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting or whether I am in the right to be upset that he's chosing to go to a football match and leave me at home with the baby (I would probably end up going to my mums or somewhere to spend with others so its not just me and baby) I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

OP posts:
IWasFunBeforeMum · 28/07/2022 20:07

My OH is a season ticket and went to a game 2 days after our baby was born.

MaChienEstUnDick · 28/07/2022 20:07

Of course, if the baby doesn't turn up until dec 25 then he would be unreasonable! I don't actually see a problem with the Boxing Day match still being a 'thing' but really everything everyone's planning this December should have a 'depending on where we are with the baby' tagged on to it, shouldn't it?

caringcarer · 28/07/2022 20:12

Boxing day football is very traditional. I would only have a problem that I was left home holding the baby and not in the stands cheering on the team.

TokenGinger · 28/07/2022 20:14

I honestly wouldn't mind, as long as he'd be prepared to give you the same downtime. I suspect the first few weeks will be extremely tiring and it may be nice for him to have a day out doing something he enjoys - equally, it would be nice for you, too, so I'd expect him to afford you the same amount of time out (if you wanted it).

Christmas Day, I'd be upset at. Boxing Day is neither here nor there for us. If I could go to my mum's and likely have her coo over the new baby whilst I had a rest, I wouldn't begrudge him his enjoyment.

NewIdeasToday · 28/07/2022 20:15

It’s perfectly reasonable for you both to continue to have other interests once you have a baby.

Boxing Day football is completely separate from Christmas Day which can still be a family day.

CallOnMe · 28/07/2022 20:19

Depending on when you actually give birth then YABU.
Boxing day isn’t as important as Xmas day and it might be nice for you to spend it with your family without him.

Oblomov22 · 28/07/2022 20:24

Boxing Day football is a big thing.

hesttreat · 28/07/2022 20:28

Topgub · 28/07/2022 19:48

Is be going to continue not doing Xmas when he's a dad?

Is he going to continue going to football almost every weekend when he's a dad?

Will you also get to go out 2 or 3 Saturdays a month when the baby is here?

The football season isn't year long.

Frazzled2207 · 28/07/2022 20:28

Boxing Day is just one day and as long as you have somewhere else to go this wouldn’t bother me

but the every other Saturday thing would. I know plenty of season ticket holders and most gave them up while the kids were small

I’d be telling him that the other two Saturdays a month I’d be doing my own thing and letting him hold the baby.

MacKenzieMcHale · 28/07/2022 20:29

Boxing Day matches are quite a big deal!

I don't see the problem really; it's a couple of hours and your baby will be none the wiser.

Mummybud · 28/07/2022 20:30

He should go, but just for the match, not the normal “he leaves at noon and gets home late”. I’d be fine with my DH being away for 3-4 hours, but not 10.

WhosthatGirlJess · 28/07/2022 20:32

My ex H is football obsessed and I hated how his matches took precedence over every Boxing Day, every Bank Hol, every weekend, throughout the season and pre-season friendlies too. He always wanted kids more than me and swore he'd scale it back if we had children. Of course we did, then he never did make any changes and more fool me for believing it would ever would change.

I wouldn't have minded Boxing Day matches if it was literally just the match for a few hours. But it would usually be either meeting up with mates early at the local pub or else a long drive if the match was away. They always seemed to be in the arse end of nowhere! A 90 min match would be fine, but it was the hours tacked in to each side that irritated me. It would take the whole day and I'd be already exhausted and could've done without it. Bear in mind he'd have done no preparation for the run up to Xmas, or helped on Christmas Eve or Day itself, so for him then to take the full Boxing Day to himself as well meant I got no down time whatsoever. Then he'd be right back to work leaving me to it again, no family time for our DC, no peace for me whatsoever.

It's a tricky one in your situation. I don't think you could begrudge your partner having a day for the match on the face of it. But for me it was the total lack of balance and his lack of consideration for my needs that made me grow to loathe the time given to his obsession/passion. Depending on how old your baby will be by then, I'd hope your DH would consider giving you some time/a day to yourself too if he's gone all BD. Physically should he even go? You may well be still recovering from birth/section and need his support, there's other variables such as his match may be some distance away, or will he arrive home drunk and incapable of helping overnight with the baby, or is it just he's taking a couple of hours out while you and baby nap peacefully?

Ragwort · 28/07/2022 20:32

It's tricky because Boxing Day football games are a huge thing for football fans .. you say his family 'didn't do Christmas' but maybe the football game was an important part of their Christmas tradition? Has he always been to football on previous Boxing Days?

Monkeychimp1 · 28/07/2022 20:33

I would try and relax a bit OP. Its July

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 20:35

I don't know what team he supports but if it's a premier league team I wouldn't worry about it yet- every chance they won't end up playing on Boxing Day at all once TV fixtures are sorted out! I never look more than a month ahead at ours as they can all change.

TheStarsDontShine · 28/07/2022 20:43

Between 18 months and 2 @Cuwins but I went to my first game around the same age.

hesttreat · 28/07/2022 20:46

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 20:35

I don't know what team he supports but if it's a premier league team I wouldn't worry about it yet- every chance they won't end up playing on Boxing Day at all once TV fixtures are sorted out! I never look more than a month ahead at ours as they can all change.

Rubbish!

Always a full Boxing Day Premier League fixture! Show me where they were all moved.

It's tradition.

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 20:49

@hesttreat I never suggested they would all be moved- of course they won't. But there is every chance his teams might be

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 20:50

TheStarsDontShine · 28/07/2022 20:43

Between 18 months and 2 @Cuwins but I went to my first game around the same age.

Thanks DD is 5m currently and I'm really looking forward to taking her

Fagled · 28/07/2022 20:53

@Cuwins All premier league teams are playing on boxing day this year, as it’ll be the first match back after the World Cup.

ZenNudist · 28/07/2022 21:03

YABU football on boxing day is a tradition for many. Don't marry a season ticket holder if you don't approve.

I get that it's hard once you have DC some people share a ticket so go to every other home match. Its difficult because you can't just give up your ticket then get another one like that, but its costly to keep it on once you have family commitments. If you get equal time off then it can be done fairly. Having children doesn't mean life stops. Down the line you're looking at DH and dc going off to football and you getting precious peace!

But boxing day is less of a problem than the season ticket itself. I don't think demanding "family time" will wash. You both need personal time too. It's healthy.

Cuwins · 28/07/2022 21:12

Fagled · 28/07/2022 20:53

@Cuwins All premier league teams are playing on boxing day this year, as it’ll be the first match back after the World Cup.

Ah of course this year will be a bit different. Had forgotten that.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/07/2022 21:14

I think you have identified the broader issue which is equal personal time for you. I’d have a chat with him about how he sees that working. If he expects to carry on as no penal once baby arrives then there is a problem.

As others have said, in many families the season ticket holder stops going for a few years while the DC are small or stops going for a drink after. I know families where the ticket holder shares a ticket with someone else and only goes to every second game
You don’t need to make an exact decision now on what works for your family. You might have a high needs baby or a really easy baby and that needs to be taken into account. But you both need to be on the same page that you are both entitled to equal leisure time, that you will both need to adapt to allow for rust and that the needs of the whole family are the priority, not the wants of one person.

MrsMitford3 · 28/07/2022 21:17

Boxing Day footie a big tradition here-

Think when you have children you make your own family traditions and maybe this will be one of them? Your DH will be bringing DC soon. Do you ever go?

The baby won't know if it's Boxing Day or Tuesday-
This would not be the hill I'd die on

UWhatNow · 28/07/2022 21:19

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