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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to go to football on boxing day

127 replies

Austin0210 · 28/07/2022 19:43

Disclaimer.... I'm not sure if I'm overreacting *

My husband has a football season ticket which involves him going to games 2 or 3 times a month (usually on a saturday) when he goes it's usually from about 12 until late due to him going for a drink after the game which I'm usually fine with.

We are expecting out first baby in December and has said today that he is planning to go to the football on boxing day (he goes most years) am I being unreasonable to think that he would want to spend our child's first xmas/boxing day with us? Growing up that was the tradition that we saw family and had time together but he doesn't get that concept as his family "doesn't do christmas"

I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting or whether I am in the right to be upset that he's chosing to go to a football match and leave me at home with the baby (I would probably end up going to my mums or somewhere to spend with others so its not just me and baby) I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 29/07/2022 11:17

You will have a 2 month old baby. Neither parent gets to fuck off for half a day without the express consent of the other and arrangements in place.

I think you need to have a chat with him about the realty of how his life is about to change and the new rules.

Saying that, if you have the family round, it may actually be Ok for him to go? You can’t impose your idea of a family Christmas any more than he can his. In years to come he will take the kids and it will be a family tradition.

So I would really really make him get that things have changed, and then be ok with it - but obviously a quite drink and home after the match not out all night. He also needs to understand that if you and the baby are sick it may be off.

Hankunamatata · 29/07/2022 11:20

Dh family always go to rugby on boxing day. Quite nice to either have a bit od down time and now kids are older they go too

Marvellousmadness · 29/07/2022 11:22

Hell be one of those dads that prefers going to footbal with his mates over being home with his family

And You'll be one of these women who assumed their husbands would go to the football less once the baby is born, but then realises that one should never assume....

Good luck with him

Cuwins · 29/07/2022 11:25

Marvellousmadness · 29/07/2022 11:22

Hell be one of those dads that prefers going to footbal with his mates over being home with his family

And You'll be one of these women who assumed their husbands would go to the football less once the baby is born, but then realises that one should never assume....

Good luck with him

That's very unfair. Does that make me a mum that would rather go to football than be with my family? Because I'm planning to go on on my babies first Boxing Day too? And because I'm still keeping my season ticket even though I have a baby?
I'm still a person who has my own interests, provided the baby doesn't loose out (she will be with her dad) and both parents get free time to peruse their interests then what's the problem?

Nanny0gg · 29/07/2022 11:29

User129867588 · 28/07/2022 19:49

YABU - you will still have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together. It’s only 3 hours out of the day. It’s all about compromise and if he’s not that big into Christmas celebrations you will need to make your own traditions. One might be, daddy goes to football on Boxing day so it’s mummy/child time for something special

It won't be three hours if he goes drinking afterwards

And the baby will be tiny. My DH, DS and SiL wouldn't have wanted to be away from their brand new child.

Nanny0gg · 29/07/2022 11:31

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/07/2022 11:17

You will have a 2 month old baby. Neither parent gets to fuck off for half a day without the express consent of the other and arrangements in place.

I think you need to have a chat with him about the realty of how his life is about to change and the new rules.

Saying that, if you have the family round, it may actually be Ok for him to go? You can’t impose your idea of a family Christmas any more than he can his. In years to come he will take the kids and it will be a family tradition.

So I would really really make him get that things have changed, and then be ok with it - but obviously a quite drink and home after the match not out all night. He also needs to understand that if you and the baby are sick it may be off.

Two month old??

The baby is DUE in December...

hockeygrass · 29/07/2022 11:32

Just to add if it's a premiership team the premiership is stopping for 6 weeks for the world cup and the first match is 26th Dec 2022 after a long break so it's a bit different this year.

DotBall · 29/07/2022 11:37

Ach don’t be mean, it’s a few hours out of a day. My DS was born early Dec (years ago) and DH went to the footie on Boxing Day. He needed a break by then lol.

It is definitely about compromise - I never sat in the house moaning about not doing my own things, we all got the chance to do what we wanted to do (and that was without help from grandparents as we only have one, 200 miles away).

karmakameleon · 29/07/2022 11:46

I would suggest he just go to the game this year but not drinking afterwards.

I understand where you are coming from, and things will need to change once the baby is here and hobbies may need to take a backseat for a while but it’s good not to give them up completely. Equally having a new born can be lonely and tiring and he needs to understand that you’ll need support in those early days and his life will change too.

Everanewbie · 29/07/2022 11:51

Hi OP. I think that it is important that parents continue to have some outside interests, and you need to make sure you're getting a fair crack of the whip too.

But on its own, a Boxing Day home game shouldn't be too much of a stretch, assuming that you and baby are both healthy. Like it sounds like you've agreed, maybe he could skip or at least minimise the beers before and after so that its an afternoon thing, not a whole day thing.

LilyMarshall · 29/07/2022 12:01

I wouldnt have a problem with boxing day. But all the other football, rugby, drinking, going out during the week, season ticket… that would have to be addressed.

With the season ticket, if he works monday to friday, and has 8 days of family time at weekends in a month, how many if those 8 days is he planning on taking as his own time at matches? How many days do you then get for yourself? How many days of family time? It would be worth sitting down and looking at a calendar with the match days pointed out, his and your work days pointed out, and looking at what is left objectively.

thenewduchessoflapland · 29/07/2022 12:09

It depends on what going to the match looks like for him.

I know people who go to the match and back;their out 3 hours or so;if they've gone for a quick pint afterwards maybe 4 hours.

Then there's the ones who meet their mates down the pub a few hours before to drink/have a burger;go to the match where they drink more and then go the pub afterwards so is out all day.

schnix · 29/07/2022 12:48

We have an Xmas baby, Boxing Day mainly consisted of baby sleeping and others having a wee hold, was quite chilled. It's important to do things for yourself when baby comes along, it'll only be about 4 hours he will be away for, might be what he needs 🙂 in turn, have a few hours to yourself another day.

LovelyDaaling · 29/07/2022 12:55

Boxing Day football is his Christmas tradition so equally as important to him as your tradition is to you. And it's not even an all day thing.
As long as you share the baby rearing fairly, I wouldn't be upset about it.

aSofaNearYou · 29/07/2022 13:04

I feel like this could be the start of me taking on the majority of parental responsibilities so he can still live his social life

I was thinking the same.

Three weekends a month is too much with young children, I think he needs to adjust to fatherhood.

Triffid1 · 29/07/2022 13:08

I'm far less concerned about Boxing Day than I am about him disappearing off for a full day when you potentially have a new born. Especially over Christmas which can be quite exhausting - on plus side, you see family and and it's lovely etc, on downside, you tend to be "on" all the time and with a tiny baby that can be exhausting.

And absolutely, if he's going to m maintain this level of football watching and other hobbies when baby is here, you are absolutely being set up to be the default parent with him "helping" occasionally.

RusholmeRuffian · 29/07/2022 13:20

Boxing Day football is what Christmas is for! <unhelpful>

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/07/2022 13:27

Surely the compromise is that he goes to the football but comes home after the match?

That what DH did when DS was tiny (also born in December).

When I was a kid, we spent Christmas eve together as a family, then off to 'not-at-midnight' midnight mass, then random family traditions and bed. Christmas day, grandparents would come to ours throughout the day, then on boxing day we'd go to my Grandma's and see extended family while my Dad, one of my Uncles and my Grandad would go to the match.

Now we do almost the exact same thing but we go to my Mam's house while Dad, DH and DB go to the match together. Since DS is 5 I have no problem with DH staying out drinking but when he was a baby DH would come home straight after.

babyjellyfish · 29/07/2022 13:27

schnix · 29/07/2022 12:48

We have an Xmas baby, Boxing Day mainly consisted of baby sleeping and others having a wee hold, was quite chilled. It's important to do things for yourself when baby comes along, it'll only be about 4 hours he will be away for, might be what he needs 🙂 in turn, have a few hours to yourself another day.

More like 12 hours, the OP said.

That's far too long when you have a newborn, and doing it three times a month is just ridiculous.

PeppaPigIsAnnoying · 29/07/2022 13:31

Football on Boxing Day is the best thing about Boxing Day

1stTimeMama · 29/07/2022 13:37

This wouldn't bother me I don't think. If he's always done it, and it's Boxing Day, I don't think it's a big deal. Your baby won't know he's not there, and it could be a lovely tradition to continue for him and his child in the future.
BD is the most boring day of the Christmas period anyway, I always hit the sales with my Dad, so I do think YABU, especially if you're going to be with family too.

Lucyccfc68 · 29/07/2022 13:39

This is just the start of it!

My ex-H and I were/are big football fans. When DS was born, he thought he could just get up every Saturday and swan off to the match and then out with his mates after whilst I looked after his son.

Notice how I said ‘Ex’

You need to ensure that you get equal time to do your thing and he doesn’t think he is entitled to just go out 2/3 days every month and leave you holding the baby.

babyjellyfish · 29/07/2022 13:40

Your baby won't know he's not there

The OP will though. She might be less than a week post C-section when her husband is off for 12 hours at the football.

mumto2teenagers · 29/07/2022 13:45

I wouldn't have a problem with him going to the game and a few drinks after as long as you get to carry on with your hobbies after the baby is born too.

DH has always been to football on boxing day, when the DD's were very young they stayed at home with me, but as they got older they would go to games with him. Some games he would take them and others he would go with friends and then for drinks after.

Why don't you plan an afternoon out with friends over Xmas and your DH can look after the baby.

schnix · 29/07/2022 14:02

@babyjellyfish where did the op say 12 hours?

Sounds like you had a sensible conversation and came to a nice understanding OP.