AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

[Embelline]

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

If it was me, I would probably just send him a txt to say “oh I hear your leaving, that’s ashame” and just see how he responds. If it is totally professional then I would realise I have totally misread the whole situation. It’s quite sad when you get that lovestruck teenager feeling and it’s completely wrong!

hope everything works out for you xx

I wouldn't

Go for it OP! Life is too short. Good luck x

Ask him out!

What a drama. She's not throwing herself at him, she's asking a bloke politely if he fancies a drink. If he says no, then she says 'no worries' and they move on! It's fine.

Whilst I can see all the arguments both ways I’m currently in a phase of my life where I’m taking a bit of a ‘life’s too short’ attitude with things.

honeslty I can’t say what I would truly do as I’ve been with my dh for a long time so not sure I’d have had the balls to ask someone out. But if you really like him and think there is a connection then I actually wouldn’t let the fact he works at the nursery be a deciding factor. Your ds wont be in his room anymore. If you leave it a year he might have met someone else and you will probably regret not taking the chance.

if you’re unsure if you misread things then maybe go for the casual coffee/lunch at the gym option sometime when you bump into him.

You never know what will happen in life. If you have a chance of happiness take it. You might get the wrong end of the stick, worse case scenario you might feel a bit awkward but they will still likely be flattered. Best case you might have a lovely relationship out of it. Good luck!

Is it limerance. Maybe you can't stop thinking of him cos he's unavailable.

I would ask him if he wanted to go on a run etc when you next see him at the gym. Build up more of a friendship first…see where it goes.

Honestly I'd get off Mumsnet and let it play out. Sometimes it's good to get other people's opinions. Other times it's a bunch of strangers who have never met you or the guy you're talking to, projecting all of their own nonsense onto your situation. It sounds like Mumsnet have put you off him now and I think that's awful. None of us know what it's really like between you, do we?

And yes there's a small, small, very tiny outside chance that he might have bad intentions towards your or your child - but that's true of literally anyone you'll ever meet, isn't it?

If he's leaving soon then fantastic, it's no longer inappropriate to ask/be asked. Let it play out!

I say go for it. I don't see that just because you get on without this person & he happens to work in a nursery that he's some sort of paedophile honestly any relationship is risky & that's why you don't need to rush into it, there's no harmful in going for a coffee or somewhere.
It really irritates me when there's an assumption that men are likely to be more predatory than a woman. Imagine how difficult it would be to get into children's professions with that prejudice. And there's been pretty bad cases of sexual abuse in nursery from women in the UK.
I would definitely apply the same safety measures as you would in any new relationship but no need to be paranoid about him.

Thanks for the posts. I’m still going to leave it for now and just see what happens I think.

I’ve lost my nerve! He’s leaving in a few weeks so feels more appropriate to leave it til then anyway, although I’m not sure I’m going to actually do anything!

Lol exactly! Take a chill! Parents ARE allowed a life aswell as a being a parent! 🙄- I say wait until you’re DS isn’t his student anymore then just bloody go for it! (If it’s allowed by the school & by the sounds of things they’re not 100% too strict about it?) u deserve happiness mama and if u think this guy is this hot then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️👍🏻🥰🥰