AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

[Embelline]

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

The fact that he has your number Is not very professional, personally I would never take a parent's number it could bring up a lot of issues. However, if you're willing to take that risk go for it if you see a future with him but other I would keep my distance.

It’s considered quite unprofessional and possibly against his contract of employment. I think it’s possible he’s just being friendly towards you as well? For the sake of everyone involved I don’t think you can approach him until your son leaves that nursery.

I say go for it! It doesn't have to be "will you go on a date?" it could be a simple "let me know if you want a drink on Tuesday night, I'm going to X". I think it's best done off nursery premises though - so when you see him at the gym or a cafe. If he says no then you have your answer - and just own it and breeze through and act completely normal next time you see him.

I’m a teacher and I’ve been asked out by a few parents. It makes me horrendously, horrendously, horrendously uncomfortable. There are billions of men in the world - why does this one matter enough to risk it? He’s a professional and it’s his job to interact with you and be friendly - he’s literally paid to be nice to you. If you ask him out, you’re putting him in a very uncomfortable position.

If he likes you and it’s professionally acceptable then he’d ask you out - if he’s not asking you out then it’s either that he’s not interested in you or he doesn’t think it’d be an acceptable thing to do. So why not wait and see?

So ask if he fancies a coffee after the gym? As friends.
Maybe by the time your ds has left nursery you might have realised that he’s just a friend or he thinks of you as just a friend OR you might fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

It doesn’t have to be an inappropriate relationship from the get go.

Normally I can suss if someone likes me. Do you think there is a good chance he does? Life is too short to let things like this be so awkward. I really don’t understand why people make things so awkward. So he says no? Big deal, just act like a friend thereon and it doesn’t even have to be awkward. I mean in my early twenties I would understand the awkward responses. Now i couldn’t care less. Someone who can handle rejection is a mature, confident and attractive person in my eyes. You don’t need to say it bluntly but why not try a more subtle way.

Unfortunately it would likely result in the key worker going through a disciplinary and you’d be putting his job in jeopardy.

Who suggested the swapping of numbers and what was the reason given?

Very inappropriate. Would you ask a teacher of his out if he was older? Just because he's a baby it doesn't make it any better. At least wait for your ds to have left nursery.

Once DS has moved rooms I don’t think it’s necessarily an issue provided you can be mature about it if he says no and not let it damage your interactions at the nursery. If the nursery have rules in place the prevent it, he can tell you that.

I would be exceptionally careful about exposing DS to him, though. Even being seen being picked up/dropped off, running into each other in the street, sort of thing. Lot’s more room for confusion and attachment issues for DS than with someone he hasn’t had a close, caregiver relationship with.

I could be wrong but doubt it would contravene his workplace policies. As your child moves on to a different part of the setting, this is the perfect time to investigate if the relationship has legs.

I am surprised by the negative tone of a lot of the responses. It sounds as though you really like one another and it would be a shame to let the opportunity pass. Good luck!

we ended up with the numbers because one of the first times I bumped into him at the gym I thought I’d lost my phone after the class so he offered to call it while I was looking for it. So it wasn’t a hey let’s switch numbers thing

I agree. Ask in a way that he can refuse but still be friends.
Just be ready for any response.

This makes me cringe a bit tbh. Not appropriate.
someone else mentioned the grooming thing and that’s exactly what went through my mind too. Although that’s a risk whenever pursuing a new relationship.

Won't somebody please think of the childrennnnnnn 😂

Because every single person on this site is selfish 🙄

Once he's moved, go for it! Life's too short and if he says no at least you've asked! Xx

A tad dramatic but thanks for making me laugh on whats been a totally shit day at work

Having worked in a similar field, I can't imagine there won't be something in his contract that prevents this ad rightly so.

I am really bemused about what people think is so wrong with going for it. I get the embarrassment bit,, IF he says no, but that would be the same as someone at work, someone who goes to the same pub as you, someone who works at your local supermarket etc etc and on that basis you would only ever ask out some complete random.
I have worked in children's settings - hospitals & schools included - and my contract has NEVER mentioned anything about beginning a relationship with anyone so I think that is a complete red herring. Also "it is well known that groomers work this way" well tbh I don't think that is the case and,anyway, it is you proposing the move.
Obviously your child comes first but you are not proposing anything that is remotely damaging to him.
Go for it girl - life is for living!!

You are incredible naive re grooming, if you think 'OP making the move' means it's not happening. That thinking is what they rely on. You make the move, so you ignore or feel guilty about red flags and explain them away. Different context but look at Stuart Hazel case re Tia Sharp, both her mother and grandmother pursued those relationships.

Bit OTT and rude, no?

Nobody risks a disciplinary and losing their job simply because one of the nursery’s parents asks them out. If there is a policy against going out with parents of children at the nursery then the guy can say so.

It's been a while since I worked in a nursery setting but it was against policy to even be friends with parents outside work, we could be friendly but never friends. There have to be some boundaries there. I can't imagine how creeped out I'd have been if a parent asked me on a date.

Groomers' skill is in making people think that relationships are their idea and what they wanted.