AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

[Embelline]

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

Take a step back. You could die tonight. You could have your life snuffed out at any single moment in time. Dont wait, don’t worry if it’s appropriate or not, don’t care about the rules, go and seize your chance of happiness because if you don’t, you’ll never know! I hate the worst that can happen? He says no? He has to change jobs? Meh, just go for it!

Absolutely not no. Don't put him in such an uncomfortable situation at his place of work.

Test of he's keen first. This is a tricky one.

Mention that X band is playing in town and you are going ... If he turns up then .....

If not

@Embelline it sounds like you made the right decision in the end. FWIW, if there is a vibe with someone in future and like this you’re not sure it’s a good idea- leave the asking to them. It’s usually a good first filter anyway, if he doesn’t ask you out he’s probably not that into you or not that much of a go getter.

Also given that you have at least some influence over his employment (no matter how remote), and he has some impact on how good a day your son has, it’s probably best not to put him in an awkward position and risk that resulting in avoidance in future.

I actually wouldn't put too much thought into him not telling you he was leaving. If there are a few leaving he possibly wanted to wait until it was officially announced, as from what you've written he has stuck to professional boundaries throughout.

I would wait and see what happens now everyone knows. I also wouldn't have him pegged as a creepy groomer! Man clearly likes children and has been professional. I'd give at as much weight as I would dating anyone who knew I had children by being careful until I know the person properly, their past etc.

I would just ask him. I have chosen my partner and asked him out. I have also been asked out and had to decline. “Thank you very much for the offer unfortunately, I have already someone wonderful in my life”. Very easy and not embarrassing at all.

Absolutely not!

You could do it secretly. The sneaking around makes it more fun! 😃 I once dated DS’s support worker. We sneaked around for months until it was safe to come out.

That was seven years ago. It’s our first wedding anniversary in September 😍

Thanks for sharing a happy story. It is good to read something positive on this thread

Speaking as someone who has been on the receiving end of this several times, at jobs and by a teacher, I would just say it's a hard no and he's out of bounds.

I know what I look like and don't need any flattery, so it's not like I can even take that from the situations. Whenever it's happened to me I feel awful, as if my role isn't important, be that as a professional or a parent.

Support work in what context?

Don't shit where you eat.

Those talking about grooming you to get near to your DS.. Surely that could go for any man ever who wants to date?! Or any woman who wants to date a dad? Or am I missing something?

Just message the guy, I messaged the guy from a shop I thought I had a bit of connection with, turns out he was just too afraid to ask me face to face and couldn’t breach GDPR to message me. We have a week of fantastic sex and two meals out so far. Life’s too short, worst he can do is say no thanks!

I would be tempted to wait until he leaves nursery, or at the very least is well settled into his new room.
It's a bit close in my view but if it did work out would be great as others have said.
Do you think he is interested?

Sure, leave it until DS has been out of his class for a while so that there is clear water between the old situation and the new, but yeah, ask him out! You won't unleash the apocalypse if he says no.
Life is far too short to spend it wondering "what if..."

Carpe diem!!!

I’m just going to wait until he leaves and then see what happens. I’m not going to approach him or anything or ask him anything as I think as other posters have pointed out, it’s all just a bit messy while he’s still there.
plus I’ve convinced myself I’ve misread the entire situation now.

Leave the poor guy alone. He has the right to do his job without an older woman perusing him in a sexual way. How would you feel about a Dad throwing himself at a younger woman?

Unfortunately, certain jobs can attract people with nefarious intent and this can make it more of a risk than in say other situations, also his safeguarding and professional training should have taught him the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries with parents. If someone works in childcare they could be hiding in plain sight.

In no way accusing the bloke in this situation, but it set of my Mum spidey senses from the details in the OP

I can't understand the negative comments about there being a problem? You are both adults, dc is only in nursery for a short amount of time. Surely that's how growns up meet, through interaction, not just pulling at the pub? I would take it slowly though and find out for sure if it's mutual, drop some subtle hints? X

Don't do it, he will have to say no due to his work rules (I would bet a lot of money there are regulations about not dating parents of children) and it will be awkward. Wait until your son has left and then make your move.

I have worked as a nursery nurse for many years and most nurseries have a policy against parents and staff becoming friends outside of nursery. Babysitting is different as the nursery worker is still being paid for child care. I would wait until your son leaves the nursery.
Just to give a personal example: I nearly got into trouble once when one of the dads asked me out for drinks in front of the manager. I had to ensure her it was totally unexpected and that I had not encouraged him in any way. So just bear in mind that if you ask this guy out you might be putting him in a tricky situation.

I wouldn't rush to assuming you've misread the situation. Although it could be that your shared condition is the 'attraction' especially if it's uncommon.
Next time you chat why not mention the leaving, find out a bit more. If he's interested he may be more forthcoming with what his future plans are. If he's not I suspect he'll be a bit more guarded.

I would wait until your child moves to the other class, then text and ask. it's not the end of the world if he declines. But I would definitely wait until he is no longer your child's keyworker.

agree.