AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

[Embelline]

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

Life’s short.

Ask if he wants to go for a drink. The worst that can happen is that he says no.

So what if you happened to be friends beforehand with someone who worked in that nursery, would it mean you couldn’t put your child into it??

@Notarealmum you are being deliberately obtuse.

So you don’t really have each other’s numbers then. You only have it because he was helping you locate your phone. I wouldn’t have kept his number in that situation or expected him to do the same.

And hasn't been inappropriate in any way, as I say it's always just bumping into each other and chatting

I thought you said you felt like he engineered the meetings sometimes 🤔

Something to consider is that even if he thinks you're cute, it doesn't mean he wants to get involved with a mum from nursery either due to policy or on principle (gossip, etc). It's hard enough the suspicions and stigma of being a male working with children without also being known to date a nursery mum. If he is a nice guy he is likely to have many mum admirers who see him as an ideal step dad material for their DC. He might be gay!

If he wanted to escalate he has your phone number. When men really want you they will make it known and they will chase. Right now he doesn't want you badly enough (or at all) to go through the risks (rejection, reputation, awkwardness, unprofessionalism to name a few)

I did. But in a kind of would seek me out to chat if we saw each other way. Like we would be at the same gym and he would find a way to come over to where I was so then we would end up chatting.

but anyway I think I’m probably misreading the whole thing. An email has just gone round from the nursery stating that some staff members are leaving soon and he’s one of them. I think if he had been interested in any way he would have brought this up or told me as it changes things really.

I’ve probably just been a bit stupid and misread things.

all the talk of grooming etc has really unsettled me as well, I think I’m just going to leave it be.

Na how embarrassing. Wait until your DS leaves at least. He has had opportunities to make a move when you’ve been “casually” put together, he hasn’t. Leave it.

If he has a relationship with a parent of the nursery, as a practitioner he could be dismissed. If the policy stipulates that there is no “ fraternising “ then he would be in a very tricky position

He has good reasons to be friendly with you, though. If he had no need or reason to be extra friendly that would have been more flirty. The fact you are a parent of nursery, he is your son's key worker, you both have an uncommon birth issue, perhaps both live locally, of course he will be friendly with you and stop and chat. It would be rude and odd to blank you.

Had there been nothing for example, work in different departments, no need to socialise or chat, no common hobby or friends yet still stops and chats that's more something a flirty guy would do because he is desperate to find commonality and get to know you. Your guy has more reasons than not to be polite and friendly towards you than to blank you and be brusque. He has to be on best behaviour with you.

Unless he randomly texts you things he thought of that don't concern your son or tries to extend the conversation over text or uses flirty language in his texts...or compliments your physical appearance then he isn't interested that way or not sufficiently enough to make a move.

I wouldn’t. Not while he’s involved in your sons care.

If you say something, you run the risk that it will actually end the key workers involvement in your sons care. Ethically, the he shouldn’t get involved with the parents. He’ll either have to go against basic professional standards, or feel uncomfortable having to reject you. He will likely also need to disclose the issue to his supervision chain. You would put him in quite an awkward position all round. I don’t think that’s fair to him or to your son.

Its an issue of healthy professional/personal boundaries. Best, for now, to look elsewhere.

I’m not going to do anything. Thankfully
instwad of messaging him earlier I posted on here and now it seems I’ve got the wrong end of the stick anyway.

feeling pretty foolish to be honest but at least I didn’t actually do anything!

I suppose what happens if you date then break up? I would wait til ds leaves if poss.

So are we never supposed to date men that work with women for fear they can’t control themselves? What about men who socialise with other women? Are they trusted? Or do we keep our partners on such a tight leash we are the only woman they ever see?

Name and attitude from the 1950s….

🤣🤣🤣

Perhaps this could work out well for the child and the mum.

Sounds like a great guy who's cared for her ds well.

He could well be the best step dad ever in the future

I'd totally ask him out for a drink once child moves into a different room. Don't see the issue. If he's not allowed to date parents then that's on him to say so. If he says no the. It shouldn't be awkward if you are 2 mature adults. Some posts are a tad overdramatic

I think it's just a friend's thing. You said he changed to be different to you when he learned you had the same condition as you. sound like a fancying you type of change.

What does happen if they date and break up? DS goes to nursery. Guy does his job at the nursery. OP might feel occasionally awkward if she happens to see him at pick up. But assuming OP is a reasonably mature adult and not a 15 year old, she should be able to cope with being civil to an ex in a professional context like this until DS leaves next year.

I think it's poor boundaries to flirt with someone you know professionally and it is known that men who work with a lot of women tend to stray more due to more opportunities. It's human nature when you're working so closely with the opposite sex and you're all dressed up, friendly and can bond over the same frustrations and stress.. people can spend 10 hours at work with colleagues so yes one of the things I liked about my DH is that he works with men. I know you'll think I'm being sexist and insecure but I think we underestimate biology and sexual temptations.

Is the texting related to your DS or other things? And who started it?

Either way, as he’s leaving I don’t see the harm in you asking him for a drink. If he says no then you never have to see him again anyway!

Wtf? He's just doing his job! Do people really choose who they date based on the sex gender whatever of who they work with?!

Yes why does he have your number I don't think there's any need for it.

one of the things I liked about my DH is that he works with men that's so random. What if they all quit and the company hires some women. Would you dump him? Weird.

Just wait until your son goes into other room. Give it a week then ask. If you don't ask you will never know. The fact your son likes him is a bonus.

Fucking hell 😂😂😂 God forbid if a woman turned up at your work place. What a sad thought process