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AIBU?

AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

162 replies

Embelline · 28/07/2022 14:56

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

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TokyoSushi · 28/07/2022 14:59

Ooh no OP, too close!

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OnSilverStars · 28/07/2022 15:00

Oooo that's such a risk for you isn't, but how wonderful would it be if it all worked out.

That being said, most schools and nurseries will have a policy about staff and parents and what's acceptable, professional behaviour

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ChessieFL · 28/07/2022 15:01

I expect his contract will prevent this. I know when DD was in nursery the staff weren’t even allowed to add parents as friends on Facebook (unless they already knew them before the child started at the nursery).

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:03

I know that some of the nursery staff do babysitting etc for their key worker children families outside of work, so I don't they're not permitted to liaise. But then I guess what I'm proposing is quite different.

I don't even know if I'm brave enough to do it anyway, but I feel like it could go wrong in more ways than it can go right. But I can't stop thinking about him 😫

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PuttingDownRoots · 28/07/2022 15:05

I wouldn't until our son leaves the nursery.

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SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 28/07/2022 15:06

I’d say give it a while for your son to settle into his new room and see if the KW still goes out of his way to speak to you etc or bump into you ‘accidentally on purpose’ outside of nursery. He has your number so in this situation I’d be inclined to leave the ball in his court, as he’s the one more likely to be affected by this whether it goes well or not.

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orangeisthenewpuce · 28/07/2022 15:08

Nooooooooo

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Ncc · 28/07/2022 15:09

Can at least one person on this site put their child first and stop being selfish. Just once please

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Chickychoccyegg · 28/07/2022 15:11

Maybe he'll ask you out then you wont have to wonder, he'll have a better idea than you if it's frowned apon by school.
At my dds school there's 3 couples who are/were all teachers at the school, met each other there, and the head teacher is in a long-term relationship with a parent from the school ,it still seems like a professional school though

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Dominant · 28/07/2022 15:15

Ncc · 28/07/2022 15:09

Can at least one person on this site put their child first and stop being selfish. Just once please

😂😂

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:18

If I was being selfish I would have done it already! I think other posters are right and I need to wait until DS has left, obviously he's my priority or I wouldn't be giving things a second thought.

Maybe I'm just having some kind of midlife crisis!

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LuckySantangelo35 · 28/07/2022 15:21

Ncc · 28/07/2022 15:09

Can at least one person on this site put their child first and stop being selfish. Just once please

@Ncc

she’s talking about a relationship with someone who used to look after her son, she’s not on about putting her son out of the house to fend for himself is she

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Favouritefruits · 28/07/2022 15:22

Your situation would make a good movie, especially if you got together in the end and lived happily ever after…

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rumplestiltskinp · 28/07/2022 15:22

Since the situation is changing I'd make it clear I'd say yes if he asked me and wait for him to ask, or not.

Mention in passing you'd love to go on a date or something. That leaves the ball in his court without you embarrassing yourself.

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:24

@Favouritefruits when does that ever happen though 😂 my life has not been like a movie so far I can tell you that!

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Lou98 · 28/07/2022 15:26

As you say you go to the same gym if you decide to do it why not say something along the lines of "I'm was just about to go get some lunch if you wanted to join" after you've finished your work out. That way it's a bit more of a casual offer than an actual date so if he declines it not as awkward and you'll know if he's allowed to socialise with you outside of work.

Personally though I would wait until my Son had left the nursery as I'd be too embarrassed seeing him if he said no🙈

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CakeCrumbs44 · 28/07/2022 15:28

Ncc · 28/07/2022 15:09

Can at least one person on this site put their child first and stop being selfish. Just once please

Why would the child care? The OP has deliberately waited until her child is not longer in his care.

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CakeCrumbs44 · 28/07/2022 15:29

I would go for it OP!

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:31

If I did it, I obviously wouldn’t do it anywhere near nursery or while he was working! I was thinking like a previous poster said at the gym or messaging but something kind of casual rather than HI WILL YOU GO ON A DATE WITH ME 😂

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1950sHousewifey · 28/07/2022 15:31

Has he actually flirted or just been friendly? Is the age gap more than 10 years?
Considering he works around women would you not be jealous that he might cross the line again with another mum?

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Forestgate · 28/07/2022 15:33

Lou98 · 28/07/2022 15:26

As you say you go to the same gym if you decide to do it why not say something along the lines of "I'm was just about to go get some lunch if you wanted to join" after you've finished your work out. That way it's a bit more of a casual offer than an actual date so if he declines it not as awkward and you'll know if he's allowed to socialise with you outside of work.

Personally though I would wait until my Son had left the nursery as I'd be too embarrassed seeing him if he said no🙈

This is a good suggestion. How much longer till your son leaves?

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:35

Initially friendly but definitely then switched to more flirty.
well I haven’t really thought that far ahead but I don’t think so, the thing we have in common is something quite unusual and something we were both born with, without going into too much detail as it would be outing. But it’s a condition we both have. I think that’s the reason we’ve ended up clicking, as prior to that he was always very brisk and friendly, and is very brisk and friendly with the other mums but different with me.

But then again I could just be over analysing like a lovesick teenager who knows!

age gap is five years

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Embelline · 28/07/2022 15:36

It will be a year until he leaves. Ish.

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loveireland · 28/07/2022 15:37

Ncc · 28/07/2022 15:09

Can at least one person on this site put their child first and stop being selfish. Just once please

She's talking about dating someone who her son really likes. Dating him. Nothing more. Happy parents are good for kids.

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Itiswasitis90 · 28/07/2022 15:38

I would wait until your child has left the nursery, I'm sure it would be classed as inappropriate especially for the nursery worker

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