AIBU to ask son's nursery key worker out?

[Embelline]

DS has been at the nursery for a year and had the same key worker who he adores. He's a really sweet guy and over the year I've got to know him quite well as we've got quite chatty (have some interests in common). Both single.

We've bumped into each other a fair few times outside of nursery drop offs etc, as we go to the same gym, frequent the same cafes etc, so we've chatted and loosely hung out a bit when we've seen each other and swapped numbers. We've messaged a bit but it's always felt very inappropriate as he's DS's main caregiver at nursery. DS is about to move into a new room now as he's now in the older age bracket, so will no longer have this key worker.

I really like him (although he's younger than me!) and I get the feeling he likes me too, I have a feeling some of our casual run ins haven't been as casual as they've been made out to be etc, and I was wondering if it's still inappropriate to ask him if he fancies a drink sometime?

Obviously it will be mortifying if he says no as I'll still see him now and then at the nursery, despite DS going into a different room.
I'm totally gutted at the thought of not seeing him as much, but don't know if I'm being ridiculous. I also don't want to make anything confusing or unsettling for DS.

And have to add what a load of shit! I predominantly work with males and my partner has never questioned, nor has anything happened at work due to this situation with more men in the office.

Your username checks out 🙄

Doooo itttttttttt

Your last update is very fortuitous OP! If he does like you, he will contact you, when no longer working there. I wouldn't chase him though.

You say “it is known” - can you provide a source for this please?

@Burnamer Common knowledge doesn't require sources. Just look at the amount of workplace affairs. I think men who hit on female customers/clients have form to do so again and again. You don't have to agree with me.

I would. If you wait till your child leaves nursery you may have missed your chance and he is no longer single. Could be awkward but you only live once!

Don't let this lot put you off! Go for it xxxx

Thanks for all the posts. I'm just going to leave it and see what happens as if I've misread the situation I don't want to embarrass myself. I just think that if he was interested and knew he was leaving then he might have mentioned it and he hasn't.

Yeah I'd move on.

Did the “bumping into him at the gym” and “frequenting the same cafes” occur before your son was placed under his care or after? I’m sensing that you started going to the same gym and cafes only after you realized you wanted him. It’s a bit stalker-ish.

No, not appropriate. When he's left the nursery, yes maybe.
I'd have thought there'd have been rules around dating parents, even if he's not currently your child's keyworker?

Yes I think you're right to leave it.

He might be just a nice friendly guy.

I’ve been a member of the gym for five years so it isn’t me stalking and two cafes I go to I’ve worked at since I moved here as I work for myself! He was in one of my classes prior but I didn’t know him then as DS wasn’t at nursery.

No, not appropriate until your son leaves. Be mindful that, although officially this person is not the primary caregiver any more, there may be circumstances where he still occasionally has to supervise (eg covering for staff sickness etc.)

Maybe he is leaving so he can ask you out.
I have faith this will work out when the time is right OP!

I very much doubt he has quit his job just so he can ask OP out. She could say no and he's without a job for no reason?

The fact he was already and the gym and you already recognise
D each other I think is a positive. I don't read anything sinister into it, but I do think it's inappropriate while your son is at the nursery. Not just a different room. As you say it's just one year, I'd carry on as you are and see what happens.

This!

What exactly is inappropriate?!

Go for it.

I’m sure they do, but the sort of person that does that will always behave like that, regardless of sex. And despite what we might like to think, this is far from exclusively a male thing. I have a nephew, barely in his 20s, who a personal trainer and he’s subjected daily to completely inappropriate flirting from women old enough to be his mother. It’d be classed as sexual harassment if it was a man behaving that way, but for some reason these women think it’s acceptable because he’s a PT so he must want the attention. After all, it’s common knowledge’ that bored middle aged women hire a PT for the attention…

In the case of the OP, it seems as if she has his number simply as a consequence of a non flirty interaction, so I don’t think I’d be suggesting a date. As they have a common interests / condition I might have a chat next time I see him and see where that goes, perhaps suggest a coffee…but no more without a very clear signal from him that he’s interested in more.

Sounds like it's developing nicely, keep running into each other at the gym. Worst case scenario you end up looking like a model and super healthy!

Please be clear - you do not know this man. You know his professional persona.

This is something I always would emphasise to people who sought connection outside of my professional status - the person they had got to know only existed between 8.30 am and 9-30 pm (or whatever).

A true professional would not entertain the idea of dating someone they had met during working time - except maybe in very unusual circumstances (meeting again after many years etc). I wouldn't do it myself anyway, because as above, patients would believe they knew me in some way - they didn't.

So if he rejects your advances, it's embarrassing, and if he accepts them, it's a wee bit dodgy.

And yes, I do know that some professionals hand over their clients to others in order to date them - but FFS, these are people you know in a professional capacity, not a potential dating pool. There's something wrong in breaking that proifessional wall to lust after a client group.

So I stand by that - if he knows you in a professional capacity yet will date you - yuck.

I think for me it would be because your son has built a relationship with him in these circumstances. It would be very different and possibly confusing if that changed if your dating developed.
man’s he’s had him in a place of trust and care so what would happen if you split up or if there was some troubles.your son wouldn’t had this type of relationship with him.it’s very different to become emotionally connected if you two become official than a caregiver at nursery.

This sounds

This sounds so creepy! How do you know he’s not one of those male staff that get close to the parent for other reasons and you need to grow up and look elsewhere instead of having fantasies about DC key person