Page 7 | Groping in a marriage

Bnxybee · 2022-07-28T10:41:26+00:00

(Sorry, feel like all I do on here is whinge) I'm basically sick of my husband groping me and nagging me for sex. We have sex maybe once a week and even then I have to force myself. He says twice a week is the norm for most married couples. I disagree. If I bend over, he has to slap my arse. It wasn’t an issue at the start of our relationship but now it just irritates me. Especially when he does it around DS (which he knows I don’t like!). If I go into the kitchen to do dishes, he’ll follow me and want a full on snog fest. If I say I'm going for a shower, he’ll make a crude comment. If we’re sat as family in the living room watching kids shows, he’ll mouth a dirty comment to me. It doesn’t turn me on. It annoys me. I can’t put my feet up on him on the sofa without him thinking I’m initiating sex and trying to put his hands between my legs! When I turn him down, he acts like a wounded puppy! I was really honest with him last night and told him that the more full on he is, the less I want it. He said that if he didn’t ask, he’d never get it as I’ve only initiated sex twice in the last two/three months (true!). I just told him to be less full on. This morning, it was like the conversation never happened. Him acting like a horny teenager all the time is actually giving me the ick! Anyone else?

SnubsH · 01/08/2022 19:26

You aren’t being unreasonable but you aren’t being reasonable either. Marriage is a two way street. Have you heard of love languages? If not- you need to read the book and have him read it too. Also, if you want to stay together you HAVE to learn how to speak his love language which is obviously physical touch. Yours might be acts of service, gifts or words of affirmation but he doesn’t know that. So whilst you are “turned off” by his “groping” he is trying to show his love for you because that is his love language.
It’s not sexual harassment. Yes women are not required to have sex with their husbands however, sexual relations is a huge part of marriage. If one partner stops then the other partner is going to feel hurt, left out, rejected and may even stray and look for it elsewhere. Just have a sit down with your husband and talk about love languages. Here is a great link to get started.

Love language Quiz

Topgub · 01/08/2022 19:31

@SnubsH

It absolutely is sexual assault to grope someone in a sexual manner especially when they have specifically told you not to.

Anonymous48 · 01/08/2022 19:39

SnubsH · 01/08/2022 19:26

You aren’t being unreasonable but you aren’t being reasonable either. Marriage is a two way street. Have you heard of love languages? If not- you need to read the book and have him read it too. Also, if you want to stay together you HAVE to learn how to speak his love language which is obviously physical touch. Yours might be acts of service, gifts or words of affirmation but he doesn’t know that. So whilst you are “turned off” by his “groping” he is trying to show his love for you because that is his love language.
It’s not sexual harassment. Yes women are not required to have sex with their husbands however, sexual relations is a huge part of marriage. If one partner stops then the other partner is going to feel hurt, left out, rejected and may even stray and look for it elsewhere. Just have a sit down with your husband and talk about love languages. Here is a great link to get started.

Love language Quiz

So his "love language" is hitting his wife on the butt when she has asked him not to? Sorry, not buying it.

99redballoonsgobyy · 01/08/2022 19:53

yes my dp used to be like this well still is to some extent, it totally gave me the ick and as a result we haven't had sex now for almost 3 years. Can't stand him touching me. I've always told him how off putting it is but he also never fkin listened and he wonders why I no longer want sex with him.

AdamSchiffilis · 01/08/2022 20:16

99redballoonsgobyy · 01/08/2022 19:53

yes my dp used to be like this well still is to some extent, it totally gave me the ick and as a result we haven't had sex now for almost 3 years. Can't stand him touching me. I've always told him how off putting it is but he also never fkin listened and he wonders why I no longer want sex with him.

Sad. Why are you two still together? Three years is a long time to be in a loveless marriage.

Hawkins001 · 01/08/2022 20:16

SherbetDips · 01/08/2022 11:53

You might wanna take this down. The daily Mail has stolen it.

That's the risks with any thread, otherwise it's why write any thread, just in case the mail, picks it up ?

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 01/08/2022 22:34

SnubsH · 01/08/2022 19:26

You aren’t being unreasonable but you aren’t being reasonable either. Marriage is a two way street. Have you heard of love languages? If not- you need to read the book and have him read it too. Also, if you want to stay together you HAVE to learn how to speak his love language which is obviously physical touch. Yours might be acts of service, gifts or words of affirmation but he doesn’t know that. So whilst you are “turned off” by his “groping” he is trying to show his love for you because that is his love language.
It’s not sexual harassment. Yes women are not required to have sex with their husbands however, sexual relations is a huge part of marriage. If one partner stops then the other partner is going to feel hurt, left out, rejected and may even stray and look for it elsewhere. Just have a sit down with your husband and talk about love languages. Here is a great link to get started.

Love language Quiz

sexual assault is not a love language

its got nothing to do with love whatsoever

lastminutedotcom22 · 01/08/2022 22:54

Totally revolting
Why are you thinking this is acceptable behaviour
Get rid and have some self respect as he clearly doesn't respect you

AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/08/2022 23:32

My partner is the total opposite, due to meds hes been on since before we met. No desire at all, i get the occasional cuddle and lip peck and never had more than that our entire near 2 year relationship, its very demoralising to not feel wanted by your partner. As crazy as it sounds, i'm a bit green eyed monster at the attention you get and obvious desire he has for you. Hopefully soon me and you both get a happy middle ground.

Sswhinesthebest · 02/08/2022 00:13

Yuck.
No respect at all.

GOATtheAcronym · 02/08/2022 03:00

Would it bother you if he had sex with someone else?

FacePalm42 · 02/08/2022 09:35

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Original poster

Bnxybee · 02/08/2022 13:44

Just to clear things up…

No, I’m not “woke”. Wanting sex in a marriage is more than reasonable - hence why I compromise. What’s not reasonable is to expect (or demand) that a woman’s libido stay the same throughout the entirety of her marriage/relationship.

I used to have a higher sex drive. Not because I wanted to “entrap” my husband for financial security, which seems to be the general consensus amongst most men which is ironic as I earned more than him anyway. The reason I have a lower sex drive now is because I have a very hyperactive 3 y/o who has me up around 5 am most mornings, I have a physically demanding job, and I do 90% of the housework. I imagine it’s the same for most women!

OP posts:

Aria999 · 02/08/2022 13:47

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Great, the daily fail readers are trickling in

Topgub · 02/08/2022 13:53

@Bnxybee

Have you addressed the sexual assault with your oh?

This isnt about mismatched sex drives.

GOATtheAcronym · 02/08/2022 15:32

99redballoonsgobyy · 01/08/2022 19:53

yes my dp used to be like this well still is to some extent, it totally gave me the ick and as a result we haven't had sex now for almost 3 years. Can't stand him touching me. I've always told him how off putting it is but he also never fkin listened and he wonders why I no longer want sex with him.

Sounds a bit chicken and egg TBH. You didn't want sex and when he tried to touch you, you used that as an excuse not to have the sex you anyway weren't having. It's like now you've touched me I'm not having sex, as opposed to before when you were???

Anonymous48 · 02/08/2022 15:38

AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/08/2022 23:32

My partner is the total opposite, due to meds hes been on since before we met. No desire at all, i get the occasional cuddle and lip peck and never had more than that our entire near 2 year relationship, its very demoralising to not feel wanted by your partner. As crazy as it sounds, i'm a bit green eyed monster at the attention you get and obvious desire he has for you. Hopefully soon me and you both get a happy middle ground.

That's incredibly sad. I think I would find it impossible to be in a long term relationship without any sexual contact, however wonderful my partner was.

FacePalm42 · 02/08/2022 21:51

And the only thing you are doing is finding excuses, and instead of seeking validation on a forum that you are in the right you should either sit down you hubby and have a talk with him or take him and yourself to professionalist and seek help with your situation. And people who use kids as an excuse are the worst for me.

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 03/08/2022 11:37

FacePalm42 · 02/08/2022 21:51

And the only thing you are doing is finding excuses, and instead of seeking validation on a forum that you are in the right you should either sit down you hubby and have a talk with him or take him and yourself to professionalist and seek help with your situation. And people who use kids as an excuse are the worst for me.

Men who leave their wives to work, do most of the childcare and most of the housework and then still demand sex and get offended when it is refused are the worst to me

FacePalm42 · 04/08/2022 14:26

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 03/08/2022 11:37

Men who leave their wives to work, do most of the childcare and most of the housework and then still demand sex and get offended when it is refused are the worst to me

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she and her husband needs profesional help not pepole on forum. if she doesn;t seek it then he will cheat and they will divorce.Her husband also has a work and if she don't assign him any work around house its her fault, most men arent taught to help in the house, if you have a husband you have to teach him(thats how my mum did to my dad) talk with him and if it doesn't work maybe you are a bad match. And most of the comments under her post don't help at all. It's her husband they already have a child so its not as if they met last month. Theling her thats its rapy or sexual harrasment is insane. Actually i'm amazed he didn't cheat on her already. And I would wnat't to see his reaction to this post.

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 04/08/2022 14:45

FacePalm42 · 04/08/2022 14:26

she and her husband needs profesional help not pepole on forum. if she doesn;t seek it then he will cheat and they will divorce.Her husband also has a work and if she don't assign him any work around house its her fault, most men arent taught to help in the house, if you have a husband you have to teach him(thats how my mum did to my dad) talk with him and if it doesn't work maybe you are a bad match. And most of the comments under her post don't help at all. It's her husband they already have a child so its not as if they met last month. Theling her thats its rapy or sexual harrasment is insane. Actually i'm amazed he didn't cheat on her already. And I would wnat't to see his reaction to this post.

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You have an extremely deluded view of the world, I can only assume you are one of the daily mail readers

Women do not owe men sex to stop them from cheating
Women do not have to train anyone other than their children how to do housework
Women are not responsible for 100% of the mental load
Women do not have to assign jobs to their husbands
The op in this case also has a job, the husbands job is not more important and does not mean he gets to be less of an adult
Touching a woman between the legs who has asked you to stop is sexual assault, if you don't know that then you need to learn about consent
Rape in a marriage can happen, implying because they are married it can't be sexual assault is insane, you need to learn about consent

You are right that its a bad match. You are wrong that its the Ops fault.

But I have an idea that someone who excuses sexual assault, blames women if men cheat on them and thinks 100% of the housework and the mental load is the responsibility of the wife and men's jobs are more important wont actually be able to understand just how uneducated these views are.

You are right that most of these posts don't help the Op, that is because unfortunately a lot of people have suddenly come out of the woodwork determined to argue that groping without consent is absolutely fine.

FacePalm42 · 05/08/2022 08:29

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 04/08/2022 14:45

You have an extremely deluded view of the world, I can only assume you are one of the daily mail readers

Women do not owe men sex to stop them from cheating
Women do not have to train anyone other than their children how to do housework
Women are not responsible for 100% of the mental load
Women do not have to assign jobs to their husbands
The op in this case also has a job, the husbands job is not more important and does not mean he gets to be less of an adult
Touching a woman between the legs who has asked you to stop is sexual assault, if you don't know that then you need to learn about consent
Rape in a marriage can happen, implying because they are married it can't be sexual assault is insane, you need to learn about consent

You are right that its a bad match. You are wrong that its the Ops fault.

But I have an idea that someone who excuses sexual assault, blames women if men cheat on them and thinks 100% of the housework and the mental load is the responsibility of the wife and men's jobs are more important wont actually be able to understand just how uneducated these views are.

You are right that most of these posts don't help the Op, that is because unfortunately a lot of people have suddenly come out of the woodwork determined to argue that groping without consent is absolutely fine.

Show quote history

First of all mariage isa two way street if she didn't want to have a sex with him she should be open from the begining. We unfortunately live in a world where woman has to have balls and put on pants in marriage and make sure everybody puts on their weight in house. Rape in marriage happens in forced marriages not in a marriage thath happen from love. And i never stated that his work is more important, and also i stated that she should make sure that they share housework. Seeing people like you writing such a stupid things irritates me, women aren't porcelain dolls, we as humans should look at woman and see human being thath have they own will and thath thay should make thay own decisions, she need a kick in the ass so she wake up and look for help or she needs to decide to separate from him. it's not him crying to strangers she don't have sex with him it's her crying and looking for pats on head. So if she has problems she is responsible for them as is her husband responsible for his problems. People are responisble for themselvs.

Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits · 05/08/2022 08:52

FacePalm42 · 05/08/2022 08:29

First of all mariage isa two way street if she didn't want to have a sex with him she should be open from the begining. We unfortunately live in a world where woman has to have balls and put on pants in marriage and make sure everybody puts on their weight in house. Rape in marriage happens in forced marriages not in a marriage thath happen from love. And i never stated that his work is more important, and also i stated that she should make sure that they share housework. Seeing people like you writing such a stupid things irritates me, women aren't porcelain dolls, we as humans should look at woman and see human being thath have they own will and thath thay should make thay own decisions, she need a kick in the ass so she wake up and look for help or she needs to decide to separate from him. it's not him crying to strangers she don't have sex with him it's her crying and looking for pats on head. So if she has problems she is responsible for them as is her husband responsible for his problems. People are responisble for themselvs.

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So if everyone is responsible for themselves why are only women responsible for making men pull their weight around the house?

And no rape does not just happen in forced marriages what an ignorant thing to say

oiltrader · 05/08/2022 08:55

should be happy he still fancies you

barbrahunter · 05/08/2022 09:57

oiltrader · 05/08/2022 08:55

should be happy he still fancies you

This is such a misunderstanding of not only this thread but the whole of the power dynamic which triggers why this happens.