Groping in a marriage

[Bnxybee]

(Sorry, feel like all I do on here is whinge)

I'm basically sick of my husband groping me and nagging me for sex. We have sex maybe once a week and even then I have to force myself. He says twice a week is the norm for most married couples. I disagree.

If I bend over, he has to slap my arse. It wasn’t an issue at the start of our relationship but now it just irritates me. Especially when he does it around DS (which he knows I don’t like!). If I go into the kitchen to do dishes, he’ll follow me and want a full on snog fest. If I say I'm going for a shower, he’ll make a crude comment. If we’re sat as family in the living room watching kids shows, he’ll mouth a dirty comment to me. It doesn’t turn me on. It annoys me. I can’t put my feet up on him on the sofa without him thinking I’m initiating sex and trying to put his hands between my legs! When I turn him down, he acts like a wounded puppy!

I was really honest with him last night and told him that the more full on he is, the less I want it. He said that if he didn’t ask, he’d never get it as I’ve only initiated sex twice in the last two/three months (true!). I just told him to be less full on. This morning, it was like the conversation never happened.

Him acting like a horny teenager all the time is actually giving me the ick!

Anyone else?

There is no easy way to do this but you have to set boundaries... I have been married over thirty years... I tolerated a lot when I was younger but eventually if they won't stop or listen and keep sulking and groping it might drive a wedge between you. I no longer have sex with my husband. We ended up having a huge row a few years ago and I had got to stage where I couldn't bear him touching me because he couldn't kiss me without being sexual, rabbing a blog or crotch... I couldn't get through to him... At night in middle ofnght he would wake me for sex..I'd say no and we'd end up having a row because he was offended. So I got up went downstairs and put the air bed up to get away from him... The more he sulk ed and fussed, the more harassed I felt.. Now I am sexually averse. We don't share a bed and he can't touch me sexually..two years ago I told him I would leave him if he continued harassing me..if you don't set the boundaries now you may end up like me.... They need to grow up and stop behaving like teenage boy and respect our feelings

Congratulations

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11062405/Woman-whos-fed-gropey-husband-divides-opinion.html

(The upvoted comments think OP is being unreasonable)

You might wanna take this down. The daily Mail has stolen it.

Starting point:

If you don’t like this, then he has no right to do it. 100%. No questions.

However:

The fact that he wants to do it does not make him a creepy pervert.

I’m lucky in that my DH is very “into” me and always has been. I’ve never seen him eyeing up other women, and he always says I’m the only woman he would want to be with, ever.

He has never given me cause for suspicion otherwise.

Sometimes I like being hugged, touched (and yes groped, if you want to call it that). I do it to him too. That’s the dynamic of our relationship. I don’t think it’s abusive or that I’m in any way subservient.

However, if I’m not in the mood, I tell him so and the hands come off immediately and stay off. If he persisted, I think we’d have a problem.

I think DH and I are well matched, but I would never “compromise” on something as sensitive as bodily integrity.

You should never compromise the way YOU feel.

If you don’t want to be touched by your DH- ever- that is your absolute right.

If you don’t want sex with your DH- ever- that is your absolute right.

Him wanting to do these things is not wrong.

Him doing them when you don’t want him to is.

I feel sorry for the guy. Looks like he is constantly begging for sex. And clearly u r not interested. This could be because of other things in your life, kids, stress etc you need to see a GP first.
Or you are just not interested. Rather than shame somebody who loves you. Be brave and let him know its not going to work. So that he is free to find someone.
Good luck with the choice you make!

You think that's how you show someone you love them?

If there is mutual respect and love there is no need to either grope or beg.

Or sulk.

Your poor wife.

Do your wife a favour and divorce her, you clearly don't respect her or women

The effect of Daily Mail exposure is never good.

Not enough off you fucks for this thread lol

Are you on birth control? It killed my Sex drIve when I was on it. Either that or you’re just that into him anymore. Have you considered that you
could be the problem?

Transkilla is spot on. I am a woman and agree.

Facts!

OP: described ongoing sexual assault by DH

Poster: have you considered you might be the problem

I mean its one way to go, sure 🙄

@MNHQ - if you are going to allow open access to mumsnet so the daily mail can pick up stories from it, you really need to also look out for the posters who are being sexually assaulted when all the daily mail readers come on telling her its all her own fault

Wtf?!

Here was the message. Removed anything that seemed like a personal attack:

Amazing, I thought my wife might have written this because it is almost exactly the situation we're in. Sex is great when she is in the mood, but more often it is me who initiates sex...and affection for that matter. He finds you desirable and loves you. That's why he is always turned on around you and wants to snog you. Like I said, this is my story too. I love my wife. I want to hold her, smell her, kiss her and love her (and not just sex).

Every time you push him away, you get closer to him leaving you. The only thing keeping me here with my wife is my deep love for her and a young child which tempers my thoughts about divorce. When I've just about had it with how she is acting, my wife seems to sense that she has pushed things too far. Suddenly she'll be loving and affectionate again. That yo-yo effect has gotten old though. I'll never cheat, but I have thought of getting divorced more and more often. You only have one life, and why would anyone want to spend the rest of it with an unloving woman (sex and affection).

He married a woman to be his wife, not a roommate and it sounds like you've friend-zoned you husband. I bet if he stopped giving you attention, you'd be concerned. My guess is that you know he loves and desires you, so you feel no need to make any effort.

If you do love your husband, better figure out things quick. Once you've turned a man's love off, it will be permanent.

@AdamSchiffilis

Stop posting your bile.

No one cares what you think.

Hopefully your wife will see sense and leave you for someone who loves her for who she is rather than someone to wank into

Actually, you have things completely round the wrong way. Treating a woman as described by the OP, will actually kill any love the woman has for that man.