Groping in a marriage

[Bnxybee]

(Sorry, feel like all I do on here is whinge)

I'm basically sick of my husband groping me and nagging me for sex. We have sex maybe once a week and even then I have to force myself. He says twice a week is the norm for most married couples. I disagree.

If I bend over, he has to slap my arse. It wasn’t an issue at the start of our relationship but now it just irritates me. Especially when he does it around DS (which he knows I don’t like!). If I go into the kitchen to do dishes, he’ll follow me and want a full on snog fest. If I say I'm going for a shower, he’ll make a crude comment. If we’re sat as family in the living room watching kids shows, he’ll mouth a dirty comment to me. It doesn’t turn me on. It annoys me. I can’t put my feet up on him on the sofa without him thinking I’m initiating sex and trying to put his hands between my legs! When I turn him down, he acts like a wounded puppy!

I was really honest with him last night and told him that the more full on he is, the less I want it. He said that if he didn’t ask, he’d never get it as I’ve only initiated sex twice in the last two/three months (true!). I just told him to be less full on. This morning, it was like the conversation never happened.

Him acting like a horny teenager all the time is actually giving me the ick!

Anyone else?

That’s absolutely horrific.

Yes, I agree it was sickening, it was sickening at the time and still is. She left him not long after this, he was abusive in other ways. This was the last straw.
He was of the opinion he could do whatever he liked to his wife.

A playful squeeze, a little tap on the bum in passing, is fine as long as both partners are ok with it.
The ops H is of the opinion he has a ‘right ‘ to her body, marking his territory behaviour.

That's awful op. It leaves no space for ordinary affection and must be so upsetting. He sounds like a horny teenager rather than a grown who is capable of being affectionate to his romantic partner.

On top of that there is the disrespect for your boundaries. I don't think I could live with it.

think our daughter was conceived the day I came home with a new Dyson

😂

My husband has never slapped my bum, and I wouldn't want him to. Nothing to do with whether I find him attractive (which I do as a matter of fact). I don't think that doing that is a sign that he finds his wife attractive.

I agree with you though that she should leave him and let him find someone on his own level.

He clearly still finds you attractive, I feel bad for the poor sod. You’d be better off leaving him and letting him find someone more on his level.

You feel sorry for a creepy perv. Weird.

He does seem full on 😵‍💫 but you seem the exact opposite 🤷🏻‍♀️

What?

Not wanting sex with a perv, is on the 'exact' opposite of a man expecting sex and crossing boundaries to get it.

We're not talking just mismatched sex drives her. God I despair.

He clearly still finds you attractive, I feel bad for the poor sod. You’d be better off leaving him and letting him find someone more on his level

Yeah - let the poor rapey bastard get with a woman who enjoys being mauled and groped.

My god. No wonder some males feel so entitled to women's bodies.

Frankly, it sounds like he repulses you. You talk like a woman forced to live with a pervert who keeps assaulting her. Why on earth are you still with this man? Your own husband shouldn’t be making your flesh crawl!! God, he sounds like a sweaty, grubby teenage boy. Ugghh.

I think your marriage is doomed tbh as he is not listening to what you are telling him and you have incompatible needs in this area.

However if you aren't going to leave him then you need to start enforcing your boundaries.

Get annoyed with him every time he touches you, and stop having sex with him until you actually feel like it again (if this is never, that is your choice).

Tell him he is being coercive, you find it deeply unattractive, you are not sure if you ever want him to touch you again but if there's going to be any chance of it then he needs to learn to keep his hands off you unless you initiate something.

The ol' "well if I never ask for it, I'd never get it" is a common argument and very telling of his perceived entitlement to sex. He's essentially admitting he knows you don't want it, but to him that's not the important thing.

You should never have to force yourself to have sex. Even within a marriage, no partner owes their partner sex.

You've tried being honest with him and he doesn't respect your feelings on the matter. I would advise reconsidering the future of your relationship.

Women aren't the property of their husbands.

You can still find your OH attractive and not want to be groped - especially in front of your children - ffs. Everyone has the right to determine how and who gets access to their personal space and when.

it's irrelevant whether she find him attractive, he should not be treating her as an object, groping her, slapping her arse when she has made it abundantly clear she doesn't like it. It's wrong, and a sure fire way for someone to really find you not attractive at all.

My ex was a bit like that, I left him in the end. Not for that reason alone but it certainly added to it. There is nothing more off putting than a needy horny man groping you like he's a teenager. it's not flattering, it's just bloody grim.

Twice a week isn't much, I'd be really upset if that was all I got and I'm in my 60's. I really do think that if you don't want sex with your husband at all the he would be forgiven for looking elsewhere. Could you initiate sex twice a week on the basis he didn't grope you ? I do find this odd as DH and I both enjoy touching each other up as a bit of relief from day to day domestic drudgery.

Could you initiate sex twice a week on the basis he didn't grope you ?

Wtf am I reading? So she should say hey honey, if you stop slapping my arse I will have sex twice a week with you? Jesus, I've heard it all now.

There's lots of women who do like being very gropey and do dirty talking and what not with their partners 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's nothing to do with property or being pervy or wtv!!! It's just how some people show their affection. Your normal is not necessarily someone else's normal

There's lots of women who do like being very gropey and do dirty talking and what not with their partners 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's nothing to do with property or being pervy or wtv!!! It's just how some people show their affection. Your normal is not necessarily someone else's normal

@grey12 yes of course there are but it has to be a thing both people like. It is not normal when one party is slapping his partners arse, grabbing her between the legs etc etc when she has told him she doesn't like it. That is not normal in any way at all and is pretty disgusting behaviour. If OP liked it and it turns her on then absolutely fair enough, but she doesn't like it, has asked him to stop and he hasn't. Wrong on every level.

My ex husband was the same. Even down to the sulking. So glad he's my ex

This marriage is dead in the water.
I don’t think it can be fixed.

@Dozycuntlaters that's why I said in my first post that they'll probably get progressively resentful of each other 😕

Another here whose Ex was also a gropy, sleep-rape sex pest. I fucking hated him in the end, vile entitled git.

Oh, and it doesn't ever get any better, I'm afraid.

Eugh

The comments on this thread are awful.

I think she just meant it's a mutual thing in her relationship and she would be sad without it, not that she thinks the OP should put with it but that they are mismatched in how they interact.

Every time he touches you sexually when you don't want him to, it's sexual assault. Rapey bastard.

All this coercion and stropping when he doesn't get to touch you is sexual abuse.

It doesn't matter what turns other women on. What matters is how the op feels.