Page 10 | Groping in a marriage

Bnxybee · 2022-07-28T10:41:26+00:00

(Sorry, feel like all I do on here is whinge) I'm basically sick of my husband groping me and nagging me for sex. We have sex maybe once a week and even then I have to force myself. He says twice a week is the norm for most married couples. I disagree. If I bend over, he has to slap my arse. It wasn’t an issue at the start of our relationship but now it just irritates me. Especially when he does it around DS (which he knows I don’t like!). If I go into the kitchen to do dishes, he’ll follow me and want a full on snog fest. If I say I'm going for a shower, he’ll make a crude comment. If we’re sat as family in the living room watching kids shows, he’ll mouth a dirty comment to me. It doesn’t turn me on. It annoys me. I can’t put my feet up on him on the sofa without him thinking I’m initiating sex and trying to put his hands between my legs! When I turn him down, he acts like a wounded puppy! I was really honest with him last night and told him that the more full on he is, the less I want it. He said that if he didn’t ask, he’d never get it as I’ve only initiated sex twice in the last two/three months (true!). I just told him to be less full on. This morning, it was like the conversation never happened. Him acting like a horny teenager all the time is actually giving me the ick! Anyone else?

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/12/2023 08:43

Having sex when you don't want to is called rape.

Your husband is a rapist who is content to harass you constantly and wear you down until you have nothing left.

It may be a shock to hear this but it is the absolute truth of the situation.

Imagine this was your daughter telling you the same about her boyfriend.

Your husband is a nasty piece of work and thinks you're there for his gratification only. He doesn't love or respect you at all. Marriage is not consent!

Make a phone call to women's aid for a chat. Saying it all out loud might really help to make sense of it all.

Sending love OP.

SwordToFlamethrower · 06/12/2023 08:48

I agree with "I do not ever consent to being groped and nagged for sex. If you continue to do so, you are committing sexual assault."

Em4891 · 10/12/2023 22:36

Please tell me if I’m being over the top here.
but, several times now my oh has touched me or grabbed me sexually when I haven’t wanted him to.
He did it to me yesterday when I was cleaning , shoving his hands down below .
It made me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. I haven’t liked having intercourse with him nearly all year due to not just this but, the way he treats me like I’m a item of his

Thinkingblonde · 10/12/2023 22:55

@Em4891 No you’re not being over the top. Next time he does it…and he will…stop whatever you’re doing and tell him, in no uncertain terms, to stop with the groping, you’re not a piece of meat or a sex toy he can grope or touch up whenever he feels like it. He needs to start thinking with his brain instead of his dick, perhaps if he did he might realise the groping is the reason you don’t want him anywhere near you.

Mombearus · 28/12/2023 21:00

Mine gropes me all the time too. I hate it! Hands in the pants while cooking and doing dishes. Talked about it in front of our sons. And does it in front of them! He feels he has that right! He has said “well you used to like it!” No, I didn’t. I was too scared to say NO. I’m also an Sa survivor. Still doesn’t matter. We go to counseling, too. And he doesn’t listen, when I say no it is my fault. “But they are so nice, and mine.” My boobs are not yours dude! When I talk about getting a reduction he throws a fit. He throws a fit when I say no to the groping like I am supposed to. And I get iced out. He does it even at his mom’s house and I just giggled because damn it was weird him talking about my boobs with his mom and sisters 3 feet behind us in the same room. He yelled at me for “making him feel like he was a pervert.” Which made me mad, because he made it my fault. And so I went off, and he said I was twisting things and turning it back on him. I get so confused. 😐 he said “this is why we are in therapy! Because of your issues with accepting what I say!” It isn’t the only reason. He knows it. So last night he came home and while I was talking to him about what he wanted for dinner he wouldn’t SHUT up about my chest. I got mad. Along with the fact I have a brain injury and have to do EVERYTHING around the house after the doctor wanted me to just sleep and rest! I feel like all I am is his toy. I get it. I get where you are coming from, and NO you are not the problem! He is. And if he can’t accept boundaries better for you to deal with it now than 15 years later like me.

youlightupmyday · 31/12/2023 12:37

Mombearus · 28/12/2023 21:00

Mine gropes me all the time too. I hate it! Hands in the pants while cooking and doing dishes. Talked about it in front of our sons. And does it in front of them! He feels he has that right! He has said “well you used to like it!” No, I didn’t. I was too scared to say NO. I’m also an Sa survivor. Still doesn’t matter. We go to counseling, too. And he doesn’t listen, when I say no it is my fault. “But they are so nice, and mine.” My boobs are not yours dude! When I talk about getting a reduction he throws a fit. He throws a fit when I say no to the groping like I am supposed to. And I get iced out. He does it even at his mom’s house and I just giggled because damn it was weird him talking about my boobs with his mom and sisters 3 feet behind us in the same room. He yelled at me for “making him feel like he was a pervert.” Which made me mad, because he made it my fault. And so I went off, and he said I was twisting things and turning it back on him. I get so confused. 😐 he said “this is why we are in therapy! Because of your issues with accepting what I say!” It isn’t the only reason. He knows it. So last night he came home and while I was talking to him about what he wanted for dinner he wouldn’t SHUT up about my chest. I got mad. Along with the fact I have a brain injury and have to do EVERYTHING around the house after the doctor wanted me to just sleep and rest! I feel like all I am is his toy. I get it. I get where you are coming from, and NO you are not the problem! He is. And if he can’t accept boundaries better for you to deal with it now than 15 years later like me.

Jesus. This is horrendous! I have to be honest and say it feels like control/ abuse to me. Could you leave, if you wanted to?

StopStartStop · 31/12/2023 13:45

@Mombearus Leave him.

Em4891 · 01/01/2024 12:56

This is awful and allot more serious than mine. I don’t get why we put ourselves through this. It’s utterly disgraceful behavior. Sending lots of love and hugs xx

Em4891 · 01/01/2024 12:56

@Mombearus