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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Groping in a marriage

234 replies

Bnxybee · 28/07/2022 11:41

(Sorry, feel like all I do on here is whinge)

I'm basically sick of my husband groping me and nagging me for sex. We have sex maybe once a week and even then I have to force myself. He says twice a week is the norm for most married couples. I disagree.

If I bend over, he has to slap my arse. It wasn’t an issue at the start of our relationship but now it just irritates me. Especially when he does it around DS (which he knows I don’t like!). If I go into the kitchen to do dishes, he’ll follow me and want a full on snog fest. If I say I'm going for a shower, he’ll make a crude comment. If we’re sat as family in the living room watching kids shows, he’ll mouth a dirty comment to me. It doesn’t turn me on. It annoys me. I can’t put my feet up on him on the sofa without him thinking I’m initiating sex and trying to put his hands between my legs! When I turn him down, he acts like a wounded puppy!

I was really honest with him last night and told him that the more full on he is, the less I want it. He said that if he didn’t ask, he’d never get it as I’ve only initiated sex twice in the last two/three months (true!). I just told him to be less full on. This morning, it was like the conversation never happened.

Him acting like a horny teenager all the time is actually giving me the ick!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
starsparkle08 · 28/07/2022 17:58

Astrabees · 28/07/2022 15:46

Twice a week isn't much, I'd be really upset if that was all I got and I'm in my 60's. I really do think that if you don't want sex with your husband at all the he would be forgiven for looking elsewhere. Could you initiate sex twice a week on the basis he didn't grope you ? I do find this odd as DH and I both enjoy touching each other up as a bit of relief from day to day domestic drudgery.

Can’t believe this sort of mentality . Disgusting

knittingaddict · 28/07/2022 18:02

Topgub · 28/07/2022 16:22

Eugh

The comments on this thread are awful.

They are, aren't they. So depressing that some women are putting up with this.

knittingaddict · 28/07/2022 18:07

GoSomewhereThatDoes · 28/07/2022 17:19

Do they though?

Or do they fail because one person is sitting on their arse and expecting a medal if they empty the washing machine or interact with their children, while the other person is running themselves ragged trying to work, parent and run the household, and is simply too knackered and too pissed off to have enthusiastic sex as well? I suspect that the frequency of sex goes up significantly in homes where the workload is equal and each is treated with respect.

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👏

Dajeeling · 28/07/2022 18:07

It’s your decision only OP but you get one short life and it sounds pretty miserable from your perspective at the moment. Have a think.

OnceAnElephant · 28/07/2022 18:12

He is disgusting and on top of that stupid with a lack of emotional intelligence.

No wonder you have the ick. LTB.

barbrahunter · 28/07/2022 18:14

I could go further. In the end I felt like a wank sock, I felt dehumanised. I don't think that my Ex's behaviour was because I was so bloody gorgeous. It was because, as others have said, he saw me as existing for him and not a person in my own right. He felt entitled to my body because he owned me, in his mind.

I am sorry OP. I don't know if there is a way to change the heart and mind of someone who does this.

SarahProblem · 28/07/2022 18:22

His behaviour is awful. You need to have an honest conversation about how his actions make you feel. Have you considered though that you're not a match sexually?

Have an honest conversation with him. You might have to be prepared for this to lead to a split though because it's not unreasonable to want to have regular sex with your partner. A mismatched sex drive can be a deal breaker.

Justleaveitblankthen · 28/07/2022 18:26

TheFormidableMrsC · 28/07/2022 17:12

What the actual fuck?

Show quote history

You stole the words right out of my mouth.
@Astrabees, sweet Jesus you need to grow up!

PorridgeGoneWrong · 28/07/2022 18:26

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Memyselfandfood · 28/07/2022 18:29

Wtf Is the 7% that think yabu, him and his friends, or other blokes who think it’s ok to sexually assault women, as that’s what this is.

PorridgeGoneWrong · 28/07/2022 18:29

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Topgub · 28/07/2022 18:31

@PorridgeGoneWrong

What a load of psychobabble, sex pest apologist bullshit.

Benjispruce4 · 28/07/2022 18:34

Have you suggested he see his GP?

bluebeck · 28/07/2022 18:37

He sounds absolutely revolting. Why are you still with him?

knittingaddict · 28/07/2022 18:53

OMG PorridgeGoneWrong, you seriously thought that would be helpful?

PorridgeGoneWrong · 28/07/2022 18:58

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Shoxfordian · 28/07/2022 18:59

It’s basically continuous sexual assault

Divorce him

dworky · 28/07/2022 19:01

This man has no respect for you, your feelings or your body.
Leave. The. Bastard.

PorridgeGoneWrong · 28/07/2022 19:02

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Huntswomanonthemove · 28/07/2022 19:09

barbrahunter · 28/07/2022 18:14

I could go further. In the end I felt like a wank sock, I felt dehumanised. I don't think that my Ex's behaviour was because I was so bloody gorgeous. It was because, as others have said, he saw me as existing for him and not a person in my own right. He felt entitled to my body because he owned me, in his mind.

I am sorry OP. I don't know if there is a way to change the heart and mind of someone who does this.

I can completely relate to this ^.

I honestly can't believe some of the comments on here. Do women really have to put up with being groped and mauled to keep their sex pest husbands happy? Apparently, according to some, they do. Well fuck that.

DeniseRoyle66 · 28/07/2022 19:25

You to force yourself to have sex with him , he constantly harass's you and says vulgar things . Not a normal, respectful marriage at all. I'd never put up with this crap, never. Tell him to stop or you're off. I would, what a prick, yuk. Poor u

DamnFreddos · 28/07/2022 19:29

I could've written your post, @Bnxybee, word for word. I don't think the poster suggesting to have sex with him to barter with him to not harass you have any idea how far you've been pushed to post here!

The posts from @PorridgeGoneWrong are disgustingly offensive too, given the behaviour of your H.

Please feel free to message me if you like, I know what this is like and I'm almost at the end of my marriage over it (along with other things). Hope you're ok - this isn't your fault and is horrible to live with.

Userunknownkek · 28/07/2022 19:33

This thread is enough to put me off men for life.

PickAChew · 28/07/2022 19:35

Dr Psycho can fuck right off with all that poor sex starved men bollocks.

Thatsenoughnow · 28/07/2022 20:55

youlightupmyday · 28/07/2022 17:09

You aren't attracted ro him. This is not a functioning marriage.

He's assaulting her regularly. That is not a functioning marriage.