Page 7 | to be suspicious my DH trims his pubes?

Krazylady · 2022-07-26T14:27:14+00:00

Discovered (by way of seeing lots of short pube hair in the loo) that my DH has trimmed his pubes ahead of a 3 days away in London for work. Back story: married for 20 years, DH has had a history of using sex workers, HOWEVER he has been trying really hard to rebuild my trust and save our marriage over the last year. We have not been having sex mainly bc of my trust issues but have been getting on really well, sleeping in same bed, cuddling, having fun and I thought we were heading in the right direction... Then I find the pubes in the loo. Why would he be trimming down there if we are not having a sexual relationship ourselves? Am I overthinking this?

EarringsandLipstick · 27/07/2022 05:25

Lots or some? It was “lots” in the first post, now it’s “some” that were left after flushing

Bizarre question. Why does the amount matter?

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 05:28

An alternative explanation is that after a period of reconciliation with you, he's making himself tidy because he's hoping to progress from cuddles to sex with you at some point soon, and wants to be ready when/if not that happens. He's almost certainly hoping to make that progression in fact. It's a possibility that shouldn't be discounted.

FrecklesMalone · 27/07/2022 05:36

Sorry OP. But a man willing to use sex workers. Many of whom have been abused in their lives or trafficked and there under force is a nasty cunt who views women only for what they provide not as human beings. Affair or not he has no morals.

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 05:42

Also, if you're planning to see a prostitute, do you really care how you look? There's no need to try to impress?

The presumption that he can only possibly doing this because he's planning to see a sex workers again is borne of posters contempt for the OPs DH due to his past meaning only that possibility can be entertained.

I'm not saying he's not doing this because he's planning on cheating - there's a decent chance he is - but it's far from the only plausible explanation as per my previous post.

abblie · 27/07/2022 05:55

My man always shaves his and I'm not worried or should I be 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Sueellensearrings · 27/07/2022 06:08

@Krazylady I don’t think you’re going mad, but with kids in the mix, I’m guessing you don’t want to blow their lives up without proof of your suspicions? Could you consider getting the details of where he is staying ‘in case of an emergency’, then ‘surprise’ him by arriving at the hotel unannounced? Or If that’s not practical you could get everyone in the family to download a life360 app or similar for ‘family welfare’ and you can see where he really is. You’ll either find him willing (positive) or not willing to entertain a location app or if not you can arrive at the hotel to not find him where he is supposed to be, startled to see you as he is planning to treat himself to a ‘big’ night or with someone else. Or he will be really happy to see you, in which case you need to spend the time away from the kids chatting about how he seriously rebuilds your trust. I really hope it is the latter, but I think the evidence and prior history does point towards something nefarious, sadly.

girlmom21 · 27/07/2022 06:10

abblie · 27/07/2022 05:55

My man always shaves his and I'm not worried or should I be 🤔🤔🤔🤔

There's no reason to be worried if he always does it and nobody's suggested otherwise.

The OP's husband has a history of cheating, is going away for 3 nights and doesn't normally shave his pubes. It's the change in behaviour that's the concern.

Allicando · 27/07/2022 06:11

The problem here is that you don't trust him. The pubes could be innocent but you still don't trust him. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Everything out of the ordinary you are looking over your shoulder?

I discovered my stbxh dating profile on a website back in May, I knew the trust had gone and there was no way I would be spending my remaining years looking for clues that he had / was looking to cheat. My marriage is now over. You deserve so much more op.

EarringsandLipstick · 27/07/2022 06:43

abblie · 27/07/2022 05:55

My man always shaves his and I'm not worried or should I be 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Well, has he previously cheated on you with prostitutes?

RenegadeMatron · 27/07/2022 08:06

abblie · 27/07/2022 05:55

My man always shaves his and I'm not worried or should I be 🤔🤔🤔🤔

The point is up there ^^ flying way above your head.

EnglishPearFreesia · 27/07/2022 08:56

Is he a part time willy model preparing for a photo shoot 😉YANBU. I think you know what he's up to.

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 09:28

The more I think; the more convinced I am that the consensus on here is quite likely mistaken.

OP, you say you've been getting along much better recently, cuddling etc. Your DH will therefore almost certainly be hoping that this will lead to sex in the days and weeks ahead - whether you're ready for that is another matter, but that won't stop him hoping. If this is the case, then he's going to want to be "presentable" if and when it happens...

As for his history of seeing prostitutes, You don't need to impress a prostitute to sleep
with them, you just have to pay them!... so why he would he bother to 'impress' them with his neat pubes? It would be like putting your full make up on to watch TV
to impress the presenters! There's no point!

ihavenocats · 27/07/2022 09:51

Cheminaufaules · 26/07/2022 15:41

Working hard to win your trust. Visiting prostitutes. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Once a punter, always a punter. Just depends how long they can abstain.
How likely is it he would know that you know? e.g. other than finding the pubes, would you see him walking around naked?
Tell him randomly that there's a much greater risk of picking up genital warts if you're shaved (this is true actually) and watch his reaction.

You mean the ARE mutually exclusive.

YoYoLife · 27/07/2022 10:21

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 09:28

The more I think; the more convinced I am that the consensus on here is quite likely mistaken.

OP, you say you've been getting along much better recently, cuddling etc. Your DH will therefore almost certainly be hoping that this will lead to sex in the days and weeks ahead - whether you're ready for that is another matter, but that won't stop him hoping. If this is the case, then he's going to want to be "presentable" if and when it happens...

As for his history of seeing prostitutes, You don't need to impress a prostitute to sleep
with them, you just have to pay them!... so why he would he bother to 'impress' them with his neat pubes? It would be like putting your full make up on to watch TV
to impress the presenters! There's no point!

@Tuilpmouse You're missing the point. He is leaving/gone to London for 3 days. Why would he do that just before going away?

leopardprintlindt · 27/07/2022 10:53

c3pu · 26/07/2022 15:34

Ancient proverb: Man who tidies house, expects visitor.

That made me laugh out loud, brilliant reply!

RenegadeMatron · 27/07/2022 11:00

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 09:28

The more I think; the more convinced I am that the consensus on here is quite likely mistaken.

OP, you say you've been getting along much better recently, cuddling etc. Your DH will therefore almost certainly be hoping that this will lead to sex in the days and weeks ahead - whether you're ready for that is another matter, but that won't stop him hoping. If this is the case, then he's going to want to be "presentable" if and when it happens...

As for his history of seeing prostitutes, You don't need to impress a prostitute to sleep
with them, you just have to pay them!... so why he would he bother to 'impress' them with his neat pubes? It would be like putting your full make up on to watch TV
to impress the presenters! There's no point!

That would all be just lovely, except for the fact that he’s going away. For work. Without the OP. For several days. And nights.

shootfromthehip145 · 27/07/2022 11:04

legalseagull · 26/07/2022 17:13

Jesus. This is someone's real life relationship. Bit blunt don't you think?

Show quote history

Well considering the OP is posting about her partner with a history of cheating trimming his pubes into the bog on a forum for millions of people usually picked up by tabloids, id say well NOPE 😂

Twooforjoy · 27/07/2022 12:01

Tuilpmouse · 27/07/2022 05:42

Also, if you're planning to see a prostitute, do you really care how you look? There's no need to try to impress?

The presumption that he can only possibly doing this because he's planning to see a sex workers again is borne of posters contempt for the OPs DH due to his past meaning only that possibility can be entertained.

I'm not saying he's not doing this because he's planning on cheating - there's a decent chance he is - but it's far from the only plausible explanation as per my previous post.

My ex also used “prossies” as he called them - I found his huge history of addiction/habit via his profile on adultworks website.

in the middle of the stage of shock, pleas for forgiveness, badly chosen ‘coping’ explanations, I happened to notice pubes down our bathroom toilet. He would preen and prep when secretly planning his next little escapade. The secret planning was part of his thrill - I started to identify the little behaviours, all of which I’d I told you as isolated incidences you would say oh come in, that’s a stretch to say he’s using prostitutes again… Many men actually let themselves believe the women like them?? (Yes I know, nuts). There is a “boyfriend experience” category you book. And the pre-date “preening” is exactly part of that.

I felt sick to my stomach when I realised what was happening. I watched and waited and of course more evidence came to light and it was game over. I left him. But I knew oh I knew…

Twooforjoy · 27/07/2022 12:09

… I actually spotted the pubes/trimmed chest hairs after I’d been away with our babies for a weekend and I knew he’d seen his opportunity.

the logic in mens heads who use women in prostitution is unreal. He fully believed 1) he’d never get caught so it was safe to swear blind he’d never do it again 2) if you’re not caught you haven’t actually done anything wrong (if a bear shots in the woods mentality)

OP get out, get out. And huge hugs to you I know how hard it is to see and just intuitively “know” and then to accept what your intuition is telling you… Paid for sex is a really huge habit men are in and it’s so easy to access. If you think about it, how long has he been doing it? It starts a secret and it carries on in secret… Unless he is making huge efforts - via therapy and being generally very self aware/different then he’s just putting you off the scent with the promises…

Wifflywafflywoo · 27/07/2022 12:15

I told a friend not to worry about her partner suddenly taking an interest in his manscaping...turns out he was getting trim to send lovely dick pics out to women he had met online. Ancient proverb is right. I was totally wrong.

CheesyColeslaw · 27/07/2022 12:19

He see views women as a commodity and you trust him so little you're monitoring his pube trimming. Why on earth are you with him?

justasking111 · 27/07/2022 13:05

Now I'm probably alone in thinking this but why would a man trim etc for a prostitute he's paid whatever he looks like. Now if it was a mistress that I could understand

Twooforjoy · 27/07/2022 14:28

justasking111 · 27/07/2022 13:05

Now I'm probably alone in thinking this but why would a man trim etc for a prostitute he's paid whatever he looks like. Now if it was a mistress that I could understand

Because they like to believe they are just girls who love sex and charge for it. See my post above

Quarique · 27/07/2022 14:59

I don't think it matters if he is planning to cheat on you or not.

Can you live with the distrust for the rest of your marriage? You could decide this time that he isnt planning anything. Next time it could be that you cant contact him for longer than usual, and the time after that there will be something else then something else.