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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suspicious my DH trims his pubes?

174 replies

Krazylady · 26/07/2022 15:27

Discovered (by way of seeing lots of short pube hair in the loo) that my DH has trimmed his pubes ahead of a 3 days away in London for work.

Back story: married for 20 years, DH has had a history of using sex workers, HOWEVER he has been trying really hard to rebuild my trust and save our marriage over the last year. We have not been having sex mainly bc of my trust issues but have been getting on really well, sleeping in same bed, cuddling, having fun and I thought we were heading in the right direction...

Then I find the pubes in the loo. Why would he be trimming down there if we are not having a sexual relationship ourselves? Am I overthinking this?

OP posts:
SecretMoomin · 26/07/2022 16:19

You do not have trust issues, your h is a cheating arse.
Please don’t see lack of sex in any way as your fault.
He sounds like absolute scum. Drop him, find happiness with someone who will treat you better.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 26/07/2022 16:21

shootfromthehip145 · 26/07/2022 15:45

Hot weather itchy ball bag or preening for some pussy 😂

Just asked my other half he just laughed and said my be on the pull.

Yes, because schadenfreude is such an attractive quality, @shootfromthehip145

MayMoveMayNot · 26/07/2022 16:21

c3pu · 26/07/2022 15:34

Ancient proverb: Man who tidies house, expects visitor.

I've just snorted rather loudly in a waiting room after reading that.

Very good 🤣

Original poster
Krazylady · 26/07/2022 16:22

Well it seems the overwhelming feeling from everyone is that he is doing it to have sex whilst away. I suppose I knew this, I just wanted there to be another reason.

He had flushed the loo, just some pubes remained when I went later. I can't think of anything else they could have been.

I am sad and deflated and disappointed and so so sad. Yes I am stupid for believing but it did feel like things were different.

OP posts:
AmIWrongAgain · 26/07/2022 16:25

He’s an arsehole, sorry OP but you deserve better. Can you make plans to change the locks while he’s away? Who owns the house etc. Don’t even act like you know just shock the bastard when he comes back and realises you are done with him x

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/07/2022 16:25

Any man who objectifies and uses another human being by paying for their body to have sex into is truly disgusting. He gets his kicks violating people and violating your trust. Why the fuck did you endorse it by staying with him?

And yes of course he is planning to do it again.

SweetSakura · 26/07/2022 16:28

You don't have trust issues you have a husband who is a sleazy cheating bastard

JimmiChoux · 26/07/2022 16:29

c3pu · 26/07/2022 15:34

Ancient proverb: Man who tidies house, expects visitor.

🤣

ThirtyThreeTrees · 26/07/2022 16:37

Seriously, why are you still with him? He has a history of using prostitutes.

I would be disgusted by the pubs in the toilet, let alone the prostitutes.

Why would he stop? You forgave him before?

Fluffymule · 26/07/2022 16:42

He believes it's acceptable to treat another human as a commodity to be bought and used as he see fits.

He pays women for 'consent' to penetrate their bodies. Many of these women will be trafficked, pimped, forced, basically being raped for money.

Trimming his pubes is the last thing that would worry me about this man being in my life.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2022 16:46

Krazylady · 26/07/2022 16:22

Well it seems the overwhelming feeling from everyone is that he is doing it to have sex whilst away. I suppose I knew this, I just wanted there to be another reason.

He had flushed the loo, just some pubes remained when I went later. I can't think of anything else they could have been.

I am sad and deflated and disappointed and so so sad. Yes I am stupid for believing but it did feel like things were different.

Stop wasting your time being sad and get angry. Kick this disgusting piece of trash out of the house. How much of this are you going to swallow before you've had enough?

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 26/07/2022 16:50

Why are you wasting your time on this person?

JimmiChoux · 26/07/2022 16:53

Sorry that this is happening, have you asked him about it?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/07/2022 16:54

A perfect example of Occam's Razor!

Clymene · 26/07/2022 16:56

Your husband pays trafficked women to have sex with him. He's scum. I'm surprised you can even look him in the eye much less sleep in the same bed.

Cheminaufaules · 26/07/2022 16:58

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/07/2022 16:54

A perfect example of Occam's Razor!

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles Great post!

@Krazylady no sign of new underwear ahead of the London trip?

Decidualcast · 26/07/2022 16:59

c3pu · 26/07/2022 15:34

Ancient proverb: Man who tidies house, expects visitor.

Grin I am absolutely PMSL at this.

Decidualcast · 26/07/2022 17:00

He can’t even argue it’s the heatwave. Sounds like a cuntish man to me.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/07/2022 17:02

This is what happens when you forgive a cheater. You’re forever suspicious

Sadly, this is spot on

You're certainly not stupid for trying, OP, but he's turned out to be yet another who's mistaken forgiveness for a green light, and as I know to my cost there's really no way back from this

Bellatrix13 · 26/07/2022 17:02

Sometimes mine does it if he’s getting overly sweaty. That is the only reason I can think of bar assuming he is anticipating getting some action

ReneBumsWombats · 26/07/2022 17:02

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/07/2022 16:54

A perfect example of Occam's Razor!

Cockam's razor?

I'm sorry, OP. I somehow get the sense that all this effort he's supposedly been making hasn't actually involved any real cost to him. Is he pulling his weight at home, doing the shitwork, or just enjoying the affection?

lapasion · 26/07/2022 17:03

Normally I’d say he was just trying to make it look bigger, and not to be paranoid. But oof. Doing it ahead of a work trip? That’s not a great sign, sorry OP.

liveforsummer · 26/07/2022 17:05

womaninatightspot · 26/07/2022 16:06

I tend to trim mine if I’m going to a hotel with a pool/ gym to save looking unkempt in the changing room. Possibly a bit naive considering his history.

Well yes I did mine as on holiday with dc as a single parent and there is swimming involved - given what you now though I don't think we can can be making these excuses for him

Glumgal · 26/07/2022 17:05

If they were definitely pubes then I would assume he's wanting to appear groomed in preparation for sex - if it's not something he would normally do.

My DH and DS both empty their beard trimmers into the loo after shaving (which looks gross even after flushing) so is there a possibility it was facial hair? If not then I would strongly suspect he's planning to cheat.

Tothemoonandbackx · 26/07/2022 17:06

There's no other real reason why men trim their pubic hairs I'm afraid. I'll do mine if I'm going to the gym pool, just because I don't want chewbacca popping out and also if I think sex is on the cards later as I want to look neat. Men won't have the problem of looking all hairy in the pool as the days of the budgie smuggler has pretty much gone. Pubes are the least of your worries though, if he's planning on using prostitutes while he's away (like he's done before) do you really want this man back in your home, a man that deems it fit to sexually exploit a woman, just because he oays her, doesn't make it acceptable????