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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Every Sunday has now been booked

143 replies

Funinthemud · 25/07/2022 22:47

I have just been informed by my ex partner

That from now on every Sunday my ten year old daughter will be going to gymnastics

We rotate weekend's

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed as I was not consulted first

It now means that every other Sunday I need to take my daughter as well as my younger son to a gymnastics class

I know she will enjoy it but it's the printable of the thing, I should of been asked first

They would not take them on my Sunday and they will make a big deal out of it if I miss it

OP posts:

RNBrie · 25/07/2022 22:50

Yes you should have been consulted but it's very normal for kids to do regular activities at weekends. They don't have to go every week if there are other things happening...

Nintendoswitchedoff · 25/07/2022 22:50

Take your ex out of the equation.

Does your daughter want to do it? Does she enjoy it? Then you are doing it for her, not your ex.

LilyMarshall · 25/07/2022 22:51

Yabu. Children do weekly clubs. It would be no different if you were still together as you would have alternated weeks then too.

TeaAndBrie · 25/07/2022 22:52

I think if your daughter is really keen to do it then you should support this activity on your weekends with her.
will he be paying for the sessions/uniform etc?

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/07/2022 22:54

It is a little unfair that kids cant do things outside of school because parents would rather argue over whether or not they should have to take them.

You do see her more than every other Sunday surely? If you dont then yeah my ddnwouod not he missing out on activities she might enjoy for the sake of 2 days a month

YomAsalYomBasal · 25/07/2022 22:56

YANBU, it should have been discussed with you first. And if it's something your child really wants to do, I hope you'd all find a way to make it work.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 25/07/2022 22:56

What time is it and how long for? Dd does swimming Sunday mornings, lesson at 10am so out and dressed just as everything starts opening, works perfectly.

DismantledKing · 25/07/2022 22:58

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to expect to have been asked first. It’s only courtesy.

ImAvingOops · 25/07/2022 23:01

It's not up to him, it's your weekend do your choice. It's unfortunate but divorced parents can't be making plans that commit their children to activities when they don't have the child full time. It's really rude not to consult you first - that's a basic requirement for these situations.

Whether I agreed or not would depend on how much my child wanted to go this. If she was desperate to do it then I'd do my best to accommodate it ( although maybe not every weekend ). But if this was something ex h thought she should do I'd tell him to fuck off.

FilePhoto · 25/07/2022 23:03

Yanbu. You should have been asked first.

maddening · 25/07/2022 23:08

If you were together are you saying your dd would not do any weekly activities even if they want to?

Every other Sunday for your dc is fine. If her class is at a leisure centre perhaps find a class for ds at the same time or go swimming with ds while she is in her class?

Onthelowdown · 25/07/2022 23:10

Was your son already going on Sundays?

WinterMusings · 25/07/2022 23:11

YANBU. he can't dictate how you spend your Sundays!! not even if he was offering to take her. It's YOUR day with her.

Do you think he's done it as a genuine DD will love it thing, or a 'I'm in charge of FunInTheMud & I'll prove it!!' ?

is your other child his too?

decide whether you want to take her or not then either tell him to swing or you'll commit to this term, but NEVER to commit your time without asking *EVER AGAIN'

LilyMarshall · 25/07/2022 23:11

It's unfortunate but divorced parents can't be making plans that commit their children to activities when they don't have the child full time.

why can a divorced parent not commit to taking their child to a healthy activity the child has chosen twice a month? I take my children to activities every week. Why would i not be able to do that if i only had them half the time?

Skelligsfeathers · 25/07/2022 23:13

I think you mean principle not printable

Lachimolala · 25/07/2022 23:18

My kids go to various clubs and classes but I make sure they’re all on ‘my’ time. I wouldn’t impede on my ex’s time (no matter how much I detest him) and I wouldn’t expect him to impede on mine. Weekend classes seem very frustrating, is there not an evening he can change it to?

Original poster

Funinthemud · 25/07/2022 23:18

I do mean principle not printable 😀

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 25/07/2022 23:19

Yes I agree, he should have asked. Would you have said yes?

I have dd 8 and 10 and between them they have 4 activities every weekend. It is a commitment but quite normal among their friends and if it's something they want to do. Normal to have a sibling in tow as well. Some families stick to after school activities but this relies on parents being available at that, and we both usually work til 5ish.

Original poster

Funinthemud · 25/07/2022 23:19

I will do my best to accommodate it, but it's just annoyed me as still feel I'm being controlled and was not consulted first

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/07/2022 23:21

Hmmm well he should have asked you. But then, if she wants to do it, you should take her. If that’s what she wants (so take him out of the equation).

My kids have a weekend hobby that they do every Saturday but it’s on going before the divorce. And dd is capable of taking herself, although ds isn’t.

i pay for it so would be very annoyed if he point blank refused to take them! As they both enjoy it. But obviously the odd missed week to visit family or something is fair enough - on both sides!

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/07/2022 23:27

Hang on so what way round is this?

Who has them full time.minus 4 days a month?

If you are the one that has them.all the time and the ex enrolled in the class them yeah thats taking the piss a bit.

If the ex has them full time and s/he is only asking for what is effectively 2 hours a month out of your time fir a gym class that will benefit the child then id say that a couple of days a month is not really enough to prevent being able to do extra curricular activities and it would be a shame to miss out on principle.

MarshaMelrose · 25/07/2022 23:28

To be fair, I do see on here quite a bit that children have a Saturday club and the mother is complaining about thrur excmoaning a lot it because it interferes with their plans. I absolutely agree courtesy would say that he should have asked you first, but would you have refused if she'd asked you? Probably not so the outcome would be the same and your Sundays would still be ruined.
Rude of him not to consult you first but the outcome would have been the same.

MarshaMelrose · 25/07/2022 23:37

It's unfortunate but divorced parents can't be making plans that commit their children to activities when they don't have the child full time.

So because the parents decided they don't want to live together, the children are deprived of living with both their parents in a loving home, they have to split their time and schlep their belongings between two households, AND they can't be allowed to have weekly activities they enjoy because the parents aren't adult enough to coparent sufficiently where the child's wants come first? Very unfortunate.

WeAreBob · 25/07/2022 23:39

This is a really normal thing and a very very normal part of parenting. Just because her parents are split up, doesn't mean she should miss out on a club you have said she will enjoy.

PeekAtYou · 25/07/2022 23:40

Do you live near your ex (and therefore the gymnastics class)?

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