Every Sunday has now been booked

[Funinthemud]

I have just been informed by my ex partner

That from now on every Sunday my ten year old daughter will be going to gymnastics

We rotate weekend's

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed as I was not consulted first

It now means that every other Sunday I need to take my daughter as well as my younger son to a gymnastics class

I know she will enjoy it but it's the printable of the thing, I should of been asked first

They would not take them on my Sunday and they will make a big deal out of it if I miss it

It is the mother who has the child EOW has arranged the classes and the op, child’s father, is the resident parent

That's how it works with children. What sort of relationship do you have with him? Maybe he could help a bit more.

Doesn't make any odds - it's still about the child's preference.

Rude of her to do that without checking. I'd never sign dc up to something in xh's time, for a start I couldn't be sure he'd take them. Sounds like she was controlling previously too, so extra annoying. In this situation we often have to bite our tongue though, for the sake of being cordial.

Why not just admit you’ve been a presumptuous idiot here?

I feel for kids of divorced parents. They literally never get to commit to any hobby because adults are arguing over the principle of 'my weekend' vs 'your weekend'

Utterly pathetic. Poor children. OP - grow up. Put your daughter first.

@KettrickenSmiled o stand by my post. Suggest you at least keep up with the OPs posts if you are going to call other people's opinions 'bullshit'!

No matter where the child lives, it's not reasonable to commit a child to an activity that another person has to facilitate, without do much as a discussion beforehand.

FixTheBone
You say that, but my niece was a keen gymnast until the clubs started threatening her with 'expulsion' if she missed a week. They can be super competitive and possessive if any pupils have talent they can cash in on.

OP, I'd also be a bit peed off, but it it is what it is, just check in advance for with the club to see how they feel about missing weeks etc.

But that is an obligation you take on when a child joins a club.
If you need to miss classes then choose a club that isn't heavy on the competition.
My DD danced and her dance school was not competitive, so missing classes wasn't too much of an issue. Exams and performing in shows were optional, but if children wanted to take part then a comittment was needed to attend in the run up- having children missing in team displays or group dances can be disruptive for the other performers.

Agree. If the child was a keen gymnast threatened with expulsion then it's safe to assume she wasn't a one hour a week recreational gymnast as in the OP's case. And if your child is in development or squad at a gym the parents and children will have been warned about the necessary commitment on being offered the place.

It should be a joint decision by the parents really. Though we also do dance and we often see children miss a week (or more) when the non resident parent refuses to take them to class on 'their' weekend

You think that's bad, my DH's ex booked DD into a weekend class with no discussion (50/50 shared care) and sent him the invoice for it as well.

Yeah because it's definitely always about the parents trying to get one up on each other, and never because one of the parents actually has other plans🙄

Maybe there wouldn't be so much arguing if there weren't so many separated parents who felt they have an absolute right to commit the other parent to a weekly engagement indefinitely without even running it by them first.

How sad,

its not YOUR day, it’s your day to parent your children, and your child like many children like to belong to things including clubs.
its your children’s weekend too.
My ex moaned when I signed my children up
to swimming classes and football, as it was his weekend, well it’s all part and parcel of being a parent.
If he has other plans then it’s no problem for them to miss the group, but they enjoy it, feel part of something and it’s good for them.

I get being annoyed at this because a quick text to check this was ok would have saved so much hassle and upset for your DD if you couldn’t do it for any reason.

Some people will try anything to still control their ex partners.

However, I would not get worked up about this.

Simply reply that this is a great idea and DD will love it.
And just remember that it doesn’t matter if your ex did it to be passive aggressive or not, but that your DD will really enjoy it and it’s a great hobby to have.

It's more that a heads up would have been nice I'm guessing that ex was looking to book dc into gymnastics

YANBU it dose sound controlling.

We deliberately don’t do weekend activities so we have our weekends free, any clubs/classes are booked on weeknights.

Maybe some non-resident parents actually want to spend time with their children in the little time they see them for, rather than pack them off to someone else all morning...

@sill It is an hour, that is all. Not all morning.
And I would a bit aghast at a mother only seeing her child one day a fortnight, I assume she sees her child more than just that one day anyway.

I am on the fence about this one. yes should have been consulted but doesn't sound like a huge inconvenience (OP has already got Sunday mornings tied up & hasn't mentioned big travel distance difference). Just say politely that you want to discuss before making commitment next time, just as you wouldn't commit their time without asking them first, too. It's an opportunity to improve communication & refine your co-parenting strategy, not a moment worth getting upset about.

And let's face it, there will be odd days when the event won't happen due to conflicting priorities, the commitment is not absolute.

OP hasn't mentioned who is paying for gym class, though (!!)

Op your ex should have done you the courtesy of asking first. It's not much to ask.
My XH secretly enrolled DD at Islamic school for all day Saturday sessions then expected me to take her there every other Saturday! He sprang it on DD also who did not want to go at all. Unfortunately I couldn't control what he made her do on his Saturdays. She never went there on mine .