Every Sunday has now been booked

[Funinthemud]

I have just been informed by my ex partner

That from now on every Sunday my ten year old daughter will be going to gymnastics

We rotate weekend's

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed as I was not consulted first

It now means that every other Sunday I need to take my daughter as well as my younger son to a gymnastics class

I know she will enjoy it but it's the printable of the thing, I should of been asked first

They would not take them on my Sunday and they will make a big deal out of it if I miss it

Your ex is completely unreasonable to make a decision that impacts upon your time with DD without discussion.
He/she should not be suggesting possibly activities to the child without discussing it with the other parent first.
It's controlling and presumptuous to make commitments on someone else's time and could lead to unecessary disappointment for the child if it's not workable for the other parent.
I can't believe how many people think this is okay!

I can't believe that people think it's okay that your ex presumed to book this without having a chat with you. The natural and healthy way to co-parent is to discuss things like this, that will affect your children and the time you have with them.

My ex is a PITA but I'd never presume to dictate what he ought to do with DC on the weekends he has them. What if he wants to take them swimming or bowling or walking or visiting family? My ex would never do this either. To not have the discussion with you suggests he/she is controlling- there is no way you can say no now without looking like the bad guy to your DC.

Children do activities at weekends. It’s perfectly normal. It hardly lasts forever and is just a normal part of growing up. Can’t imagine having told my children, they couldn’t do the activities they enjoyed because we wanted a ‘chilled out’ day at home. Weekends were full of activities and parties.

Dhs ex used to do this - only difference is we live 150 miles apart, and dh picks up on a Friday night EOW so if dsd was suddenly signed up for a club on a saturday morning, he would have to go collect her on Saturday morning, usually having to leave at 5.30-6am, take her to the club and bring her back to ours getting home around 3pm before taking her back Sunday afternoon as god forbid ex do the travelling even though she moved away. The entire weekend was basically a write off and we could never have made plans of our own for a weekend away or to take all the dc out for the day on a Saturday . Luckily it was soon worked out that dsd hated doing clubs on a Saturday and refused to go after once or twice of each club. But yeah it's not ok to commit the other parents time without consulting them first.

Another one here who thinks if it is an activity she has chosen and will enjoy you are being unreasonable to not want to take her. Her parents being separated shouldn't prevent her doing activities she enjoys. Admittedly it would have been nice of your ex to discuss it with you. But they are not forcing you to do anything. If the class clashes with your plans then don't take her. Does she not do any other activities? My kids do loads, and obviously they sometimes have to miss because it's not always convenient. That's life.
You don't say who's paying. The only way I can see this being problematic is a)your ex is saying you have to pay for something you don't want dd to do b) ex is paying and is going to be an arse about it if she ocassionally misses the club on your weekend.

Yes, he cannot commit her to things on your weekends. He can ask, and you can decide if it works for you, but he cannot make a decision about your time without consulting you. Re weekly activities, the way it worked with my DD was that we only did weekly stuff on weeknights andy kept Fri-Sun free, as my ex and I also alternated weekends. Was actually quite nice having free weekends without running around to activities!

Although I discussed clubs for DC’s with EXDH he still insisted they missed every other week, even though Beavers was a Friday night and all it meant was picking up an hour later or picking up other DC’s and waiting an hour.

He did say he was going to sign them up for Beavers nearer to him, but never did.

Kids can’t be split in half. My DC’s hated never really being part of the group - alternative Saturdays at football training, no place on the team because they couldn’t be there, missing activities with Beavers.
Being a parent means compromise please don’t be that parent that digs your heels in so that your DC’s miss out.

It was a dick move but i'd pick my battles.

If you have got your eldest to 10 without having at least one weekend activity in your schedule thats great. They and dragging other siblings along is just a normal
Part of family life.

Where does it state that OP is female? Perhaps it is the ex wife who has signed up the dd and OP is dad who only has EOW?

What a silly comment. When I was a child, and now that I have children myself, we spent and spend many a Sunday resting, either at home, or down the park or casually hanging out with family. Not every Sunday, but maybe one in three. Obviously the adults still have to cook and wash up and get the uniforms ready for Monday but you can have a relatively restful day compared to the rest of the week. Just because you personally choose to spend your Sundays rushing around taking your kids to a million different clubs doesn't mean it's The Law to do things exactly how you personally choose to do them.

When my dd went to gymnastics the sessions were not 45 minutes to an hour, they were 2 hours. Some gymnastics clubs are quite intense, not drop in, loose kind of arrangements. This can easily take up all morning by the time you get ready and travel there/back.

To clarify my earlier post, when divorced and sharing time you can't commit your child to an activity that requires the other parent to facilitate it, without even having a discussion first! Whether OP agrees to this should absolutely depend on how much the child wants to go - whether it is their wish or the other parents.

Is.the class near where you.live? If so, I'd take her. She'll probably really enjoy it.

I wonder what proportion of those saying this is not unreasonable are not separated themselves?

it would be unreasonable if you were in a
relationship to commit your partner to
something without discussing it and it is even more unreasonable with an ex.

does the ex have Dd and day in the week? Can the gymnastics be moved to that week
night?

Is it out of your way? Is it something DD desperately wants to do? Are you looking at it from a perspective of how you feel about exP or from DD's needs? The main factor that you choose to focus on will influence how you feel so actually it is within your control to stop being irritated and see it differently. It's not like your partner doesn't have to do exactly the same thing every other weekend!

I'm in the other situation to you as I have just booked a trip for my older DD without consultation as actually how my exP feels is irrelevant because it's something my DD desperately wanted to do and an opportunity came up. I suppose I could have consulted first but because he's such an awkward person I expect he would have come up with problems and made it difficult.

You are correct on a few things

I am male,

I am also the resident parent so do the bulk of the homework and meal planning all week

Ex (female) has them every other weekend

Hello everyone

Thanks for all the numerous responses (went to bed and woke up with more responses than I thought I would get)

I think its fair to say that the activity should be done

It bugged me the way it has been arranged

I will of course take them to the activity, it's just bugged me the way it's been arranged

😀

My ex never really took the kids anywhere. Refused most the time to come anywhere with us. My parents take them.more places than he ever does. He's been on 2 family holidays in nearly 16 years.

On the rare occasion I got called into work on a day they had something ( i booked swimming and gymnastics fir the days i dont work) hed act as if it was all some massive inconvenience. We have a bus stop over the road ffs.

So yeah there would be no chance my kids would have been made to give up something they enjoyed and because he couldn't be arsed to get a bus occasionally. Especially when he had been happy enough for years to leave me home alone with a child while he went ro the pub.after work with his colleagues then spent Saturdays at a mates house.

Ironically hes too sick now to take them anywhere akd will be for the foreseeable future so has basically gotten away with it forever...

My ex refuses to take out DC to their weekend club. Purely out of spite as it affects his time.

The kids hate the situation, they miss out on 50% of their matches. Not to mention I pay for a block term and therefore waste 50% of the fee.

Please don't be awkward- it really does only hurt the children

ask your ex what time she will be collecting the Dc to take them to this activity on your weekend.

you should have been consulted but if it's an activity they really want to do you should facilitate it. The kids who only go to these activities every other week really do miss out.

Of course your ex should’ve asked you. It’s very rude to just book something for DC without checking if you’d be ok to take her. If she was going to take her every week, that’d be different but to expect you to without asking, is not on at all.

Bullshit. Resident mothers make these kind of hobby & sports decisions for their children all the time. OP is only moaning becuase SHE wasn't the one to make the choice this time. It's for the benefit of her child, not herself. She's do better to let go of the resentment & focus on her child's enjoyment.

Why should her daughter miss out on a gym class she enjoys, just because mummy is sulking about not being the sole decision-maker?

I do think you should take your daughter to gymnastics if she wants to go, but it was very inconsiderate of her other parent not to have checked with you first about whether you'd be okay with it.

I think if I were you I think I'd fire off a text saying "Thanks for letting me know you've booked it, so I know it's available for me to take her to if I want. I'll have a think about whether or not I can manage to take her on my weekends" but reassure your daughter directly that you will be taking her. That underlines that it's your choice what happens on your weekends, and if your ex really wants your daughter to be able to do an activity every week then they have to consult you first.

I don't understand why people are repeatedly telling you it's normal. Of course kids going to weekly clubs is normal, but what ISN'T normal is that the ex partner did it without consulting her. How does he know she's free to take her every Sunday?

Communication is THE most important thing when you're separated.

YANBU OP.

I have sent some messages so she knows that she is the point of contact for this activity (I am the resident parent and have them all week)

I will of course take her

Tbh, if you're RP and already spend a good chunk of the week running around after your DC, I think your ex is being a bit outrageous to arrange more stuff on the weekend that you have to do without consulting you. If it wasn't for the fact that the activity sounds like something your DD would benefit from, I'd tell her where to go.