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Original poster

Every Sunday has now been booked

143 replies

Funinthemud · 25/07/2022 22:47

I have just been informed by my ex partner

That from now on every Sunday my ten year old daughter will be going to gymnastics

We rotate weekend's

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed as I was not consulted first

It now means that every other Sunday I need to take my daughter as well as my younger son to a gymnastics class

I know she will enjoy it but it's the printable of the thing, I should of been asked first

They would not take them on my Sunday and they will make a big deal out of it if I miss it

OP posts:
antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 01:56

But only for an hour.
And presumably, she sees her children more than one day a fortnight?

dramakween · 26/07/2022 02:15

@Funinthemud there are a lot of people missing the point

You are not unreasonble to be upset about this, it's entry-level decency to check in before booking things for other people to do.

If your ex was controlling when you were together, then this is more of the same. If he has narcissistic tendencies it may not even occur to him that you are a separate person who thinks differently to him. If he's not pathological or abusive then this is at best thoughtless and inconsiderate. Even if your daughter had declared this gymnastics class is the single-most-important-thing-in-the-world-ever a decent parent would communicate with the other parent and make sure you were both supportive of this single-most-important-thing-in-the-world-ever gymnastics class, for his daughter's sake.

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 02:15

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 01:23

Shops are open on Sundays. And OP has not even clarified if this is the only day she sees her child. She may have 50/50 care.

Show quote history

Which is by the by if you already have plans for your Sundays.

I just can't believe so many people just sit at home like NPCs in videogames all weekend just waiting for an activity to fall into your lap, to the extent that if someone suddenly told you that you were now doing x at x time every Sunday it wouldn't affect your weekend much at all. I mean, that's totally fine if that's what suits you, but it would be nice if people could have the imagination to realise that other people might do things differently from them.

sashh · 26/07/2022 05:08

Can you change 'weekend' to be Fri and Sat?

Can your DD get there on her own? She will be going to high school soon so maybe not yet but it might not be forever.

Viviennemary · 26/07/2022 05:52

As I see it, your weekend is your weekend and it is up to you what activities you do. He has pulled a sneaky one there because if your DD enjoys it then it will be difficult for you to refuse to take her.

FixTheBone · 26/07/2022 05:58

RNBrie · 25/07/2022 22:50

Yes you should have been consulted but it's very normal for kids to do regular activities at weekends. They don't have to go every week if there are other things happening...

You say that, but my niece was a keen gymnast until the clubs started threatening her with 'expulsion' if she missed a week. They can be super competitive and possessive if any pupils have talent they can cash in on.

OP, I'd also be a bit peed off, but it it is what it is, just check in advance for with the club to see how they feel about missing weeks etc.

speakout · 26/07/2022 06:28

It is only an hour on a Sunday- and presumably an activity your DD wants to do. I think it is very common for kids to have weekend activities'
Easy to construct your weekend around that.
Use that hour to do something useful- a trip to the supermarket, work out in the gym at the same place, go shopping.

Sellorkeep · 26/07/2022 06:30

You are not being unreasonable. Even though the outcome is likely to be the same, it’s much more human to consult rather than just impose.

Darbs76 · 26/07/2022 06:31

You should have been consulted yes, but at the same time it’s not fair if your children can’t do any activities on weekends as it will fall on your weekend too. You need to take your turn into taking her to activities - you just have to suck it up. As long as she enjoys it, that’s the main thing. If there’s things you want to do on that day she will have to miss it

MissMaple82 · 26/07/2022 06:32

It's your job as a parent to do the running around of activities. Are you the dad by any chance? Just wanting weekends of the fun bit but non of the actual work ?

speakout · 26/07/2022 06:33

FixTheBone · 26/07/2022 05:58

You say that, but my niece was a keen gymnast until the clubs started threatening her with 'expulsion' if she missed a week. They can be super competitive and possessive if any pupils have talent they can cash in on.

OP, I'd also be a bit peed off, but it it is what it is, just check in advance for with the club to see how they feel about missing weeks etc.

Show quote history

But that is an obligation you take on when a child joins a club.
If you need to miss classes then choose a club that isn't heavy on the competition.
My DD danced and her dance school was not competitive, so missing classes wasn't too much of an issue. Exams and performing in shows were optional, but if children wanted to take part then a comittment was needed to attend in the run up- having children missing in team displays or group dances can be disruptive for the other performers.

MissMaple82 · 26/07/2022 06:34

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:43

Why is no one considering that OP might have had other ideas of ways to spend Sundays..? Idk, such as going round nan's for a Sunday roast, or doing a different activity, or having a chilled-out day on the ONE day a week most people with 9-5 jobs are able to properly relax?

Because when you choose to have children, you give up that "day of rest"

UserError012345 · 26/07/2022 06:34

I agree with you and don't think you're BU.

I suspect he has form?

BuanoKubiamVej · 26/07/2022 06:36

It's totally fine and normal for kids to do weekend activity clubs and children whose parents aren't together shouldn't miss out on these by default, but yannu that you should have been consulted.

It is also totally fine and normal for kids to miss their weekend clubs from time to time when there is a family activity or weekend away. Various clubs I've had dealings with which run multiple sessions have a system that you can attend a different session from your regular slot occasionally in order to accommodate this sort of thing. Talk to the club and find out what the flexibility is. Your ex does not get to control your weekends.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 26/07/2022 06:41

He should have asked but I suspect you don't have the best relationship so may not have felt the need to if you are cubical with each other

That said I'm Really glad your not my ex tbh. I signed up my Dd to ballet (admittedly I mentioned it in passing) and we have to rota the weekend due to his shifts and if the club falls on his dad he takes her no problem. He's never complained, always supported it and goes out of his way to make sure he takes her on his days on with her.

Let's be honest these clubs only last 45mins/1 hour. Just because your divorced doesn't mean that your child should miss out on clubs ect. Tbh I sounds like you resent the inconvenience of taking your Dd there with the sibling. I don't think it's about controlling you, I think it's for the benefit of your joint child doing a activity they would like. I doubt you come into it to much in his head.

Teder · 26/07/2022 06:44

What is the contact pattern, are you 50-50?

I do think you need to remove your feelings about your ex from this and ask yourself if this is what’s best for your daughter and if it’s her choice. A once weekly activity isn’t unusual and why should she miss out because her parents aren’t together?

SpindleInTheWind · 26/07/2022 06:45

@Funinthemud If it's making you feeling controlled, don't agree to it.

It'll escalate.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 26/07/2022 06:45

Xiaoxiong · 25/07/2022 23:44

If your daughter wants to do it then do it for her. Please don't be like my FIL who refused to take his son to the already paid for drama club with his friends on a Saturday on his weekends, meaning his son couldn't be in the final show as he had missed too many rehearsals. Son begged but FIL said he would decide what to do with his son in that time and basically kept him home every Saturday out of spite.

I for one feel very sorry for your son and your ex is a prick for doing that to his kid.

Infuriating.

SpindleInTheWind · 26/07/2022 06:47

UserError012345 · 26/07/2022 06:34

I agree with you and don't think you're BU.

I suspect he has form?

That's my reading from OP's use of the word 'controlled'.

It's hard to know what it's like until you've lived it. Divorce is supposed to be a line in the sand, not a new form of punishment process. (Been there, tee-shirt, blah blah.)

RaisinGhost · 26/07/2022 06:51

From the careful avoiding of pronouns, sounds like OP is male and his ex is female and the RP. Not that the sex changes things, but I think her being RP does. The ex looks after the child most of the time, but you begrudge taking the kid to one activity every two weeks and are pissed off because they won't take [the child] on my sunday. Why should "they"? It's one thing for probably one hour. If you have to miss it because of some other important event, so be it.

Not to mention your son from your current relationship is allowed to do an activity on Sunday, but dd isn't apparently.

FabFitFifties · 26/07/2022 06:52

If you have escaped a controlling relationship with this man, I can understand your anger at not being consulted, but told. Has he paid? Can you take back control by allowing gymnastics on another day of the week?

MsTSwift · 26/07/2022 06:52

Needs of children come first everything else is irrelevant surely. Both my teens have stuck at one activity and frankly it’s a precious thing for an older child / teen to find something they enjoy. Far better that than hanging round bus stops. Dd2 had some friend issues at school in year 7 and the mates she made at her dance class were invaluable. You should be pleased.

NerrSnerr · 26/07/2022 06:53

He should have discussed it first so he is unreasonable on that front.

I would take her if it's what she wants to do. It's very normal for children to do activities on weekends and it's not fair for children to miss out due to divorced parents.

RaisinGhost · 26/07/2022 06:55

If you have escaped a controlling relationship with this man

OP very carefully has avoided mentioning whether they are male or female, or the sex of their exdp.

TeenDivided · 26/07/2022 06:55

Obviously the ex is wrong for booking a club without consulting.
Many people here seem happy for a DC to do any club they might enjoy without considering impact on the rest of the family.
Personally we took a more holistic approach - how many other activities is the DC doing, what will happen with sibling, is there maybe a similar club on a different day where the timing might work better, etc.

Also people saying 'it's only an hour'. No it isn't by the time you have got ready, travelled, then the session, then come home again. For a 10am start it would be effectively the whole morning gone.

That said I think you have been painted into a corner OP.

Though you could temporarily switch contact to Sundays with every other weekend pick up 6pm Saturday. But I expect that causes other issues.