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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Every Sunday has now been booked

143 replies

Funinthemud · 25/07/2022 22:47

I have just been informed by my ex partner

That from now on every Sunday my ten year old daughter will be going to gymnastics

We rotate weekend's

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed as I was not consulted first

It now means that every other Sunday I need to take my daughter as well as my younger son to a gymnastics class

I know she will enjoy it but it's the printable of the thing, I should of been asked first

They would not take them on my Sunday and they will make a big deal out of it if I miss it

OP posts:
SherbertLemonDrop · 25/07/2022 23:42

Yabvu. I'm sure your child actually showed an interest. Your ex won't be forcing a club the child doesn't want to do. That's just parenting. I've been bored shitless and exhausted at a dozen clubs throughout the years. It is for the child's benefit.

Xiaoxiong · 25/07/2022 23:44

If your daughter wants to do it then do it for her. Please don't be like my FIL who refused to take his son to the already paid for drama club with his friends on a Saturday on his weekends, meaning his son couldn't be in the final show as he had missed too many rehearsals. Son begged but FIL said he would decide what to do with his son in that time and basically kept him home every Saturday out of spite.

antelopevalley · 25/07/2022 23:56

Your attitude is common amongst divorced parents and means some children can not take part in weekly classes, a perfectly normal thing to do.
The issue is not what you want, but does your DD want to do this?
It is very difficult to get good at anything you only go to twice a month.

IDreamOfTheMoors · 25/07/2022 23:57

Did your EH sign your DD up for this gymnastics class just to inconvenience and piss you off or did he sign your DD up because she wanted to take the class?

I completely agree that he should’ve consulted you.

antelopevalley · 25/07/2022 23:58

And it is not your ex's job to take your DD on a Sunday you have access. Do you not want to watch your DD enjoying herself in her class?

ittakes2 · 26/07/2022 00:00

your title is misleading as you are only taking her bi-monthly not every Sunday

ANUsernam · 26/07/2022 00:01

It's not about her missing out on clubs because her parents are separated though, it's about respecting the other adult's time.

So just as if two parents were still together and one worked weekends, you wouldn't expect the one who works to make weekend commitments on the others behalf without checking, he shouldn't have signed her up for a class without checking it's also convenient for you, rather than an alternative day/time.

Even if this is the only gymnastics class in a hundred miles, the thing your daughter wants to do more than anything, and he knows you'd agree to it, he should still have shown you the courtesy of checking first.

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 00:02

And I really hope you do not only see your DD one Sunday every fortnight.

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 00:03

@ANUsernam that sounds good in theory. In practice places can be really limited in classes and if you do not say yes straight away, you can end up with no place at all.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2022 00:08

Did you consult him about your younger son's activity/club?

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:36

LilyMarshall · 25/07/2022 22:51

Yabu. Children do weekly clubs. It would be no different if you were still together as you would have alternated weeks then too.

er, but if they were still together they would have discussed it jointly, and OP might have said "tbh darling I don't want you doing a Sunday activity because we're always so busy on a Sunday".

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 00:40

@SillySausage81 you are right, the parents might have put what they want before what their DD wanted.

LilyMarshall · 26/07/2022 00:41

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:36

er, but if they were still together they would have discussed it jointly, and OP might have said "tbh darling I don't want you doing a Sunday activity because we're always so busy on a Sunday".

Show quote history

Op didnt say they were too busy, just that they were not consulted.

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:43

Why is no one considering that OP might have had other ideas of ways to spend Sundays..? Idk, such as going round nan's for a Sunday roast, or doing a different activity, or having a chilled-out day on the ONE day a week most people with 9-5 jobs are able to properly relax?

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:44

LilyMarshall · 26/07/2022 00:41

Op didnt say they were too busy, just that they were not consulted.

Show quote history

Well that's the point, the other parent didn't even bother to check whether OP was busy, just assumed.

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 00:54

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:43

Why is no one considering that OP might have had other ideas of ways to spend Sundays..? Idk, such as going round nan's for a Sunday roast, or doing a different activity, or having a chilled-out day on the ONE day a week most people with 9-5 jobs are able to properly relax?

Most people have two days off. Most parents also consider what their children want to do.
And when you are a parent weekends really are not for just chilling out.

LilyMarshall · 26/07/2022 01:01

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 00:44

Well that's the point, the other parent didn't even bother to check whether OP was busy, just assumed.

Show quote history

Exactly. This whole drama is about getting one over on the other parent. The child’s desire to do the class is very, very low down the list of concerns. It is sad for the child.

Arenanewbie · 26/07/2022 01:03

I’m with you OP. My DD had one of her clubs on weekend until recently and it’s actually a big hassle. And we are talking about family with one child and 2 parents. I can imagine that as you are a single parent your time with DC on weekends is even more precious for you. So you are right to be annoyed. Should you take DD to the gymnastics, it’s a different question.
Sorry if I’ve missed it but who will pay for the club?

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 01:07

LilyMarshall · 26/07/2022 01:01

Exactly. This whole drama is about getting one over on the other parent. The child’s desire to do the class is very, very low down the list of concerns. It is sad for the child.

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I agree. This is a very sad thread where the DD seems to come last on the list of priorities.

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 01:13

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 00:54

Most people have two days off. Most parents also consider what their children want to do.
And when you are a parent weekends really are not for just chilling out.

Show quote history

And most people spend their Saturdays running around doing errands, shopping, activities etc. that can't be done in the week.

Most people consider what their child wants to do, that doesn't mean they will 100% always say yes.

There is also a second child in the equation, who might want to do something else with his Sunday that he now can't.

darisdet · 26/07/2022 01:14

Do think he ought to have checked as a courtesy, but it's probably recreational gymnastics and approx one hour out of your Sunday (not including any travel time).

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 01:23

SillySausage81 · 26/07/2022 01:13

And most people spend their Saturdays running around doing errands, shopping, activities etc. that can't be done in the week.

Most people consider what their child wants to do, that doesn't mean they will 100% always say yes.

There is also a second child in the equation, who might want to do something else with his Sunday that he now can't.

Show quote history

Shops are open on Sundays. And OP has not even clarified if this is the only day she sees her child. She may have 50/50 care.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2022 01:39

Every Sunday has now been booked

How long does the session at that age last for a beginner? 45 mins? Add in time for changing and you're looking at an hour max.

antelopevalley · 26/07/2022 01:50

True it is a bit catastrophising.

dramakween · 26/07/2022 01:55

ittakes2 · 26/07/2022 00:00

your title is misleading as you are only taking her bi-monthly not every Sunday

The title makes sense to me, she means every Sunday that she has her children is now booked.