To want people to buy what they promised?

[Panicbuyingmum]

Trying to work out if I'm BU, I can be a bit BEC sometimes!

DD is 4 tomorrow, since she was born we've had a relatively strict policy of only buying toys etc. for her birthday or Christmas. If she sees something in a shop/advert we say she can add it to her 'list' (not a physical list anywhere). This is the first time that she's really started to get into this and there are 3/4 things that have been on her 'list' for a long time and that she really wants.

As her birthday has gotten closer she will often talk about how excited she is to get these things, they're only little bits and pieces but she's waited so patiently for them.

Now on to the issue! We were at a wedding about 3 weeks ago with all of DHs family, we don't see them as often as my side (their choice not ours!) and DH would really like for them to foster a better relationship with DD. MIL asked me if DD had anything specific that she wanted for her birthday as she would rather buy her something she really wants than guess. SILs and BILs agreed on this too.

My thought - fantastic! I'll let PILs be the heroes of the hour with the much longed for presents and we'll get her some things we know she'd like. Went through 3 different things with them, showed them the stuff online (and the prices) then sent them the links. ILs said that all looked great, they would sort that and reiterated that they wanted to get her something she'd really like.

Fast forward to last night and on the phone MIL casually mentions they've all clubbed together to buy DD a 'big present' all together. I said (as casually as I could!) oh what about the things on her wishlist, and was told that they decided not to because they saw this instead and it's 'much better'.

Now I'm sure this is probably true, none-the-less, it's not what we agreed and what she's looking forward to. Now I've had to panic buy the bits she wanted and I've got to make a dash to 2 click and collects this afternoon to grab it as Prime wouldn't get them here in time.

I'm pretty miffed about this, DH took more of a 'she wouldn't even notice if she didn't get what she'd asked for' stance and that she should be grateful for anything. I, on the other hand, am thinking that if we're going to take a hard line stance of not buying stuff 24/7 then we should deliver on our promises to get her what she wants. Obviously as she gets older we'll need to add some boundaries to this (no xbox, ps5 AND switch thank you!) but we're still in the rollerskates and barbies stage.

It was a lesson that we learned early too. We get the specific gifts that DC want and let relatives get 'something from Paw Patrol/ Harry Potter/ Lego Star wars etc. [Vague area of things they're interested in.]

At least Sylvanians are nice.
Helpful tip @Panicbuyingmum - tkmaxx often have Sylvanians going cheap. Playmobil too (similar size - can fill up the house with a few Playmobil bits too).
The secondhand market is also huge for them so at least in 6 months time if your daughter has hardly played with it you can sell it for a decent amount.
It could have been worse 🙂

@Panjandrum123

I've got nothing against her having tech, I was talking about setting realistic boundaries for the things she wants. So she can't ask for a PS5 AND and xbox AND a switch and expect to get them all in one go.

Agree with this. I’m not interested in games consoles at all but my DDs are, they take after my DH who was an avid gamer, not so much these days but he’s getting back into it now the DDs are interested. He built his own computers over the years and planning on building our DDs decent gaming PCs as they get older, which he will get them to help him with. That’s an amazing skill for them to have in this day and age.

it’s not just about games either, the most played with “game” on my DDs switch is Dance off, it’s permanently set up on the spare tv and the kids are always dancing to it. My DD also loves the colour live, which is all about art and drawing. There are also fitness games and accessories which can’t be that bad as they are covered under my DHs fitness and wellness allowance at work.

what a shame they didnt tell you and you could have said that they came virtually empty.
otoh anything can go into a dolls house, doesnt have to be sylvaninan families surely?

Definitely could have been worse, they threw me a red herring by talking about her not having much to do in our garden on a video chat not long ago that got me thinking about garden toys!

I've dug out some old happyland stuff that's got loose beds etc that have fit in nicely enough. I adored sylvanians as a kid so I'm kind of looking forward to playing with it!! I'll leave the opportunity for ILs to get the sets for a while (though she only sees them a couple of times a year - they mainly invite us to adult only type things). If they don't appear then I think Santa will be obliging with some of the bits in her stocking.

Did you bother reading ANY of the thread?

OP's DD has now received the Sylvanian Families 'My First Unfurnished Squat' set, it contains next to fuck all AND requires someone to spend a significant amount of money to make it a decent toy.

Given she DID NOT ASK the IL's to purchase this thing in the first fucking place, and they decided to keep it a surprise, so she has to potentially mitigate a small childs disappointment at a huge toy that has next to zero play value... I hardly think that discretely enquiring if they got anything to go IN it was outrageous!

@AdelaideRo

I think you're right, I think MIL really thought she was getting good value and then got others to chip in towards it. She was really cross about it all and I could sympathise.

I mean on face value would anyone really think an £80 plastic dollhouse comes essentially empty??

I've been looking at some of the furniture sets online this evening and I just think they're eye-watering prices. I cannot imagine spending £10 for a set of tiny toy pancakes.

@WiddlinDiddlin

"My first unfurnished squat set" I'm howling 😂

Get kiddo to put all her tiniest toys in there, make some daisy chains in the garden and pop them in...

Sit everyone on the floor and its My First Hippy Commune set :)

Oh god that brings back memories of the time BIL bought DC something in a large box that was just the "house" and came with no characters and so was a bit pointless. Turns out you couldn't actually buy the characters anymore either. For some bizarre reason DH mentioned this to BIL who after a few months sent over a full set of characters he'd bought on eBay. And never bought a single present for any of the DC ever again.

@Panicbuyingmum ah sorry, it just reads as though you don’t want them at all. Would certainly not buy them all at once either.

My youngest is almost full grown when he wanted a gaming PC, we said you can have it if you pay for it. To his credit he bought it out of his Saturday job earnings and is now saving for extra bits for it.

What does sometimes drive me potty is the bellowing from his room as he plays with his friends. But they do go out and socialise so I have hopes of it passing.

Why not store the other things you’ve purchased for Christmas?

Can get some little deals for the sets, just need to look around

www.latestdeals.co.uk/tags/sylvanian

See I think that’s not a great thing. I see kids whose parents deny them stuff to the point they over focus on the things they want. I don’t think you are establishing a good relationship with ‘things’ for her. She is going to remember this huge rush she gets at birthdays when she is given material things she has wanted for ages and is going to try and recreate this somehow as an adult.

Yes, shitty, shitty grandparents buying ‘off list’. serves them right.

No, I’m with Tem DH

I agree - a fantastic longer term present

It's a lovely idea but you should always listen to the parents. This has just proven that to them. Or research your present better. Sylvanian family is a rip off and I only get them second hand if they're really cheap.

Ha ha typical white elephant gift.

Collections are a lovely idea in theory but she won't be bothered about it in 2 years when birthdays and Xmas's are render enough figures to be able to put a couple to bed pr pose a dinner party.

Still at least uts in a box so you can stack it and ita not taking up the entire garden...

I agree 100% with you - don’t buy “big” presents for young children without checking with the parents first - for all sorts of reasons and if you offer to get something - get it, don’t just change your mind. Or if you decide not to, let the parents know with enough notice!

The problem is if it's saved for SF only shell have nothing in it until December because op doesn't let her have gifts between Xmas and Birthday. So she's got an empty house for 5 months. She might get a few bits for then but at the price of them it's unlikely to furnish a home and then it's another 7 months until she can have any more bits. So not great planning on that sense

Well she has a figure, table and chairs and a house. Make a bed out of an old matchstick box, make a cardboard TV, etc.. I can see endless possibilities. Thankfully a child's imagination is a wonderful thing

Reminds me of a discussion over our collection for a teacher's retirement present. The teacher in question looked after a group in nursery called the squirrels.

One of the parents was very keen to spend £80 of the collection on a Sylvanian family squirrel collection. It took a lot of persuading that the teacher might prefer a voucher or just a present for an adult, not a child.

God it fucks me right off when people do this. Worse when they buy something similar because then I can't buy the actual thing because they've bought one but the one they bought is crap.