To want people to buy what they promised?

[Panicbuyingmum]

Trying to work out if I'm BU, I can be a bit BEC sometimes!

DD is 4 tomorrow, since she was born we've had a relatively strict policy of only buying toys etc. for her birthday or Christmas. If she sees something in a shop/advert we say she can add it to her 'list' (not a physical list anywhere). This is the first time that she's really started to get into this and there are 3/4 things that have been on her 'list' for a long time and that she really wants.

As her birthday has gotten closer she will often talk about how excited she is to get these things, they're only little bits and pieces but she's waited so patiently for them.

Now on to the issue! We were at a wedding about 3 weeks ago with all of DHs family, we don't see them as often as my side (their choice not ours!) and DH would really like for them to foster a better relationship with DD. MIL asked me if DD had anything specific that she wanted for her birthday as she would rather buy her something she really wants than guess. SILs and BILs agreed on this too.

My thought - fantastic! I'll let PILs be the heroes of the hour with the much longed for presents and we'll get her some things we know she'd like. Went through 3 different things with them, showed them the stuff online (and the prices) then sent them the links. ILs said that all looked great, they would sort that and reiterated that they wanted to get her something she'd really like.

Fast forward to last night and on the phone MIL casually mentions they've all clubbed together to buy DD a 'big present' all together. I said (as casually as I could!) oh what about the things on her wishlist, and was told that they decided not to because they saw this instead and it's 'much better'.

Now I'm sure this is probably true, none-the-less, it's not what we agreed and what she's looking forward to. Now I've had to panic buy the bits she wanted and I've got to make a dash to 2 click and collects this afternoon to grab it as Prime wouldn't get them here in time.

I'm pretty miffed about this, DH took more of a 'she wouldn't even notice if she didn't get what she'd asked for' stance and that she should be grateful for anything. I, on the other hand, am thinking that if we're going to take a hard line stance of not buying stuff 24/7 then we should deliver on our promises to get her what she wants. Obviously as she gets older we'll need to add some boundaries to this (no xbox, ps5 AND switch thank you!) but we're still in the rollerskates and barbies stage.

YABVU. Your kid should appreciate any gift someone buys them, and you need to teach her that by example.

I think it's good to look at the bigger picture here! Though they're not as involved as you'd like, your DD has extended family who love her enough to buy things they think she'd really like. That's a truly beautiful thing.

So many kids don't have grandparents or grandparents who care (I didn't have any grandparents) and knowing there's people in her life who care enough to club together to 'buy a thing' is pretty cool. Don't worry about 'the list'. In years to come, she won't remember the presents she was bought, but she WILL remember if she was loved.

Nothing suggests that the OPs child wasn't appreciative of the gift she was just disappointed when she realised she had essentially been brough an empty dolls house. Not sure why she should be happy to receive a gift she can't bloody play with.

It's like getting a football goal and not having a ball, she can't actually do anything with it.

Vinted and Marketplace for furniture otherwise she's not going to have anything in it until Xmas!

'I tried to gently interject to ask MIL if she's also got the furniture sets tucked away somewhere, blank looks across the board. "
🤦🏽‍♀️
Fuck me.
I'd say YOU were the CF, not sylvanian families.
If YOUR mum had bought this would you have been so disgustingly rude to her, or is it just coz it's MIL?
I hope your DD grows up with a better attitude.

Oh dear did they not think when they seen the furniture sets sold separately? Anything like that I usually get it out and make sure everything is there.I always see them getting flogged on Facebook coming up to Christmas.

They are lovely but you can get some just as nice doll's houses with all the furniture and everything included.

Sounds like it worked out well in the end, Sylvanians are brilliant and my dd loves them. Amazon often have them on sale for different bits and Smyths are also quite good for putting them on discount. Also, they are compatible with similar figures called 'Lil woodzeeze', which are a lot cheaper and would be a good way to give her some characters to play in the house with.

These are the figures etc I mean. They are a bit tubbier but seem to work with the Sylvanian bits we've got.

The whole present thing is a nightmare. We always buy stuff our family want and we always get bought crap we don’t like or wouldn’t use. I don’t care as much when it’s me but when it’s my little one, I really hate it. He usually gets given a cheap tacky version of what we have actually asked for. Really pisses me off so feel your pain.

Forgot link, sorry! www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/fashion-and-dolls/li-l-woodzeez/c/SM060104A2

Fuck me.
I'd say YOU were the CF, not sylvanian families.
If YOUR mum had bought this would you have been so disgustingly rude to her, or is it just coz it's MIL?
I hope your DD grows up with a better attitude

You do realise it comes with a table 2 chairs and 1 figure right? It's not cheeky to think if you're giving what is essentially a dolls house you also get things to put inside it. Otherwise what's the poor kid meant to do with it?

as if you actually asked them if they’d bought the extras to go with it! 😯

The MIL was showing the DD the pictures on the box saying look at all these lovely bits. Which it didn't have.

Thanks for the update OP. Definitely could've been worse, your DD will love to play with the house I'm sure and it'll be a source of presents for years.

Oh I always wanted Sylvananians but wasn’t allowed (too expensive, I had Lego instead). I have fond memories of playing with a friends canal boat though.
at least they will last a while as the age range is quite big so hopefully she will get some use and they can buy her stuff to build collection for other birthdays and Christmas (that way you don’t need to worry about them going off list again).

@FairytaleOfLancashire

Well yeah of course I did! If MIL is sitting there telling DD to look its got a little baby and a crib and so many characters and I know the set didn't actually come with that. I don't think it's unreasonable to try and quickly (and gently) check if they realised that's not actually in the box before it's opened and while MIL is bigging it all up!

Obviously as she gets older we'll need to add some boundaries to this (no xbox, ps5 AND switch thank you!) but we're still in the rollerskates and barbies stage.

@Panicbuyingmum Be guided by your daughter.

She may never be interested in consoles but if she is, as long as they don’t become the be all and end all, there’s no reason to avoid them altogether. We made good use of the parental controls to limit the games and the time they could spend on our consoles. There are lots of good reasons to play video games (I know my dexterity has improved hugely because I play).

We also play plenty of board games, read books, eldest taught himself to crochet. They’re not particularly sporty but they have turned out fine.

www.geico.com/living/home/technology/9-reasons-to-give-video-games-a-try/amp/

Is the whole point of Sylvanian families not that you collect them over time, rather than buying every part all at once? DD has learnt about patience and can pick out what pieces she would like next (my goddaughter is the same for collecting Barbie pieces). I think it'll be a lovely thing between your ILs and DD, presents sorted for the foreseeable so no need to have an awkward moment like this again!

My sister and brother in law do this. Then get a load of crap they don't need so they have more to open. Like stuff from Poundland etc. They're autistic so can get overwhelmed anyway. Just the one present and some books would be fine.

I was so expecting a trampoline.

If it was me, I’d encourage dd to “make some furniture” even using salt dough, she could draw some pictures to blue tax on the walls and maybe use some other figurines to play with the house.

id probably also try to get a small bundle of bits as a starter and then collect the rest over time.

@Panicbuyingmum YANBU. Lesson learnt though and never ask them for anything other than money in her card again. Just be grateful they actually told you before DD birthday.

Both my girls loved Sylvanian Families. They amassed quite a collection over the years as it was a great thing to tell people to buy when they asked what they should get. We bought job lots from eBay and when they had grown out of it they sold it on eBay.

This thread has just sent me off to google. If you are toy buying naive (I'm not) I can see how this happened.

There are house sets advertised on the sylvanian family website (that have furniture) and then the same houses advertised without furniture.

I can see how someone might omit to realise that they were buying just the house.

Probably a good lesson all round and good tips from other posters about cheaper furniture options (I was the queen of augmenting Brio railway with eBay/ Tesco purchases).

My mum flogged all my sister’s sylvanian families stuff on eBay a few years ago, there is loads on there, possibly worth a look for a relative bargain.

fwiw we have a trampoline, best money I’ve ever spent, they use it every day and have done for more than 6 years. It’s an eyesore but I’m so grateful for it particularly during lockdown.

My daughters would’ve been horrors to receive this over roller skates! Thank god you managed to buy what she actually wanted.

O well it could have been worse, at least it something that can be used by your DD, added to or good resale value.

My DD has been admiring the Sylvanian family stuff for some time now, I’m not a fan but she keeps going to it every time we are in a toy shop. We just had an early birthday party for her this week as we are moving, one of her friends got her one of the play sets, she was so excited. I think I’m now going to start scouring marketplace.