To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

Fuckinghell , this sounds shit! Darlingget the cars, zoom off to closest town say you need sanitary supplies! Shopping and lunch!

My dh's family carry a gene which produces gigantic tonsils. Our ds couldn't breathe through his nose at all and snored so loudly people would ask what I had in the pram.

I discovered elephant-sized tonsils also plagued my SiL while on a family holiday in Wales. My MiL, DH, SiL and baby ds collectively raised the fucking roof of our holiday cottage every night.

Never again.

😂It sounds like hell for you, but very funny to your audience! Have you worked out who the silent farter is, yet? Or is it just the dog?

I still think your DH is leading by example.

You need a really good murder film to keep you entertained...something with creaky floorboards that will scare the shit out of the rest of them.

Sending you

At least your dd knows to never do this herself in years to come.

Why did you go on holiday with people you clearly hate and have deep contempt for?

Ha!!!! soo funny just put on some music and dance like a maniac in the living room and see if they all join in. Don't know if anyone watched Peep Show but example is when Mark goes to dance class with Sophie and goes mental and the way she looks at him dancing is priceless.

Exactly this. I wouldn't like them either, to be fair. But this is on you, you chose to go. It's your teen I feel for.

You have my sympathies. I am just returning from a challenging holiday.

Stupidly decided to try flying from Manchester (much cheaper and better date availability than local airport). Car broke down one mile into four hour journey to Manchester. Managed to get there by train at great expense... (At least £400 more, due to extra hotel booking, taxis etc).

Had my mum with us for the first few days of holiday... Love her, but she's very stressy and in a particularly anxious frame of mind at the moment.

Got covid, gave it to my mum... Felt incredibly guilty and worried as she's missing half a lung (she's recovered speedily!)

Had an offer accepted on a house, and had to spend a lot of the holiday trying to sort out sale of our house and viewings remotely.

Found out our car is a write off (had only just spent £600 on getting it mot'd and serviced, literally a week previously).

Spent more of the holiday trying to work out best options for visiting in-laws at opposite end of country a week after we get back (train and hire car options as eye wateringly expensive).

Return flight home delayed which meant we were going to miss our train back home. Then it made up time, leaving us with about an hour of agonising hope we might make it. Then missed it by 45 seconds.

Decided to kill the two hour wait for another train by going into Manchester. Got drenched (still wearing sandals... No jacket).

Still sitting on an overly air conditioned train, absolutely longing for home.

We are rooting for you, OP. You will get through this 😂

Yes, this. Guaranteed to change the family dynamic !!

Why on earth are you on holiday with your in laws!? 🤷‍♀️

Thank you for this laugh out loud post 😂 Sounds horrendous and hilarious in equal measure. You’re going to be in stories (and feuds) for years!! Surely that’s the stuff of life. Good luck with it. x

Oh gosh. You have made me.laugh, but also, I have a holiday booked with my ILs in a couple of weeks. This has made me see the light. It's going to be hell.

I think your DH probably has the right coping strategy.

Crack open a bottle and sit back and watch with the protection of an alcoholic haze.

This is unlikely to improve your holiday experience but the dog probably needs its anal glands squeezing. They often scoot their bottoms across the floor when in need of anal fluid expulsion. Maybe MIL could do it?

Why would she make the holiday from hell even worse?

Sorry OP but you can tel dd that I am in Italy and it is hell. Too hot to do anything and I haven't slept properly in a month.

YANBU - but it is significantly different to what you had expected? Most of the problems are personality traits so unlikely to be a surprise. It sounds absolutely awful and not like a holiday at all!

I can imagine these. If I hadn’t seen my dad today I’d have thought you were on hols with him.

ddads view of womens football is “it’s just a bunch of tarts poncing around to look pretty for the cameras”

as with most women I. Sport. He had two daughters. Me and dsis. Dsis rebelled by being excellent at rugby and boxing. She likes battering things.

I bought an easyjet ticket to Milan last week. For mid August - was only £23 one way (hand luggage only, no extras). Youth hostel? Just go!

Has anyone said mumsnet classics yet?

Oh dear. I live in the North of England so I sympathise!

Was slightly dreading my foreign holiday with my mum in September as she drives me slightly nuts but at least I'll have sunshine and all inclusive booze.

It's not Italy but there's a flight to Mallorca leaving on Wednesday from Newcastle...£245 return for 2 over-16s, cheaper if your DD is under 16. You could book it now, then spend the next 2 days planning your escape together before doing a bunk in the early hours of Wednesday morning.

At least you still have your sense of humour ! Groomer for the dog or the vets for it’s glands... not sure about the rest