AIBU to think you don’t announce a pregnancy like this?

[DWofMN]

I posted before about issues with my family. One of the things I mentioned that I was struggling with is that I was having a high-risk pregnancy with complications and I was very unwell with HG and hospitalised multiple times. My DBro and SIL are TTC so I was told that I wasn’t allowed to talk about my pregnancy in order to be sensitive to that. This was to the extent that, when I first told DSis that I’m pregnant, she replied “oh no! Have you told DBro and SIL?” and the rest of the conversation was about how I had to tell them and be sensitive etc. As a result, I struggled a lot with not feeling like I had any family support. I’ve just been induced and baby arrived yesterday. The ward didn’t allow visitors other than birth partners so my family couldn’t meet the baby until today.

We arranged to meet at my mum’s house (even though that’s a two hour drive from where I live and from the hospital - and obviously took longer having to stop multiple times to get DD out of her seat). DBro and SIL live abroad so we agreed to video call them as soon as we arrived. When we arrived, it was DM, DDad, DSis, BIL, one of my DBros and my DBro’s new girlfriend (who I’ve never met before). Immediately, we video called my other DBro and SIL. They flashed up an ultrasound picture to announce that they’re expecting a baby - this was all within five minutes of us arriving and my family meeting DD for the first time.

It then emerges that DSis, BIL, DBro and the GF have all known for weeks and all decided this was the perfect time to announce the pregnancy to DM. So, I was told that I’m not allowed to talk about my pregnancy at all in order to be sensitive to people who are also pregnant (and I’m being told I’m being insensitive by people who know that they’re already pregnant).

So, the entire visit was then spent talking about DBro and SIL (their due date, boy or girl, name ideas, double-barrel or not, visiting the country they live in, etc).

I fully understand that they were TTC for a long time and how hard that is. DH and I were trying to grow our family for over 18 months before we got pregnant (during which time DN was conceived and born, but there was no ban on pregnancy talk for DSis). AIBU to think that the highlight of my family meeting DD for the first time should have actually been them meeting DD?

We had to leave to get back to the hospital because DD was slightly jaundiced and needed another check. SIL messaged me shortly afterwards and said “sorry if we stole your thunder a bit”. WIBU to reply that they did steal DD’s thunder (I hate that phrase) and that I am hurt by the decision to announce the pregnancy then of all times (especially when I had been silenced about my pregnancy for so long)? Or am I just being hormonal and overreacting?

Congratulations on your new baby.

I’ve read your other threads before, you’ve been advised to distance yourself and not keep running around after them (you drive 2 hours whilst heavily pregnant to collect a car seat that never materialised didn’t you?) and to stop allowing them to steamroll over your life (didn’t they want to plan a group holiday over your due date and make out you were overreacting?).

If not for your own mental health, then please for your baby’s sake CUT THESE PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE! They treat you horrendously, do you really want the sane for your daughter?

Every word of this. Please seek help OP. Your family are appallingly toxic and do not care for you. To drive 4 hours plus with a newborn to seek their approval is so sad. You can't see it, and it's in danger of now damaging your children's life as well as yours. I know this sounds harsh when you're vulnerable, but you've had hundreds of people over multiple threads tell you how abusive they are, and it's not registering.

Congratulations on your baby! I remember your other thread, either ignore her or just say 'Congratulations'. I agree with others that you should go LC with all of them - you're clearly very low down in the pecking order and the more contact you have with them, the more unhappy you're likely to be. What are your in-laws like?

Yabu to have driven 2 hours eith a new born baby.

The fact that you had to drive to them rather than them coming to you speaks volumes.

You can't change people like this, let them contact you and come to you if they can be bothered. Don't try to force a relationship with them or you will only end up getting hurt.

Focus on yourself and your own little family. Ignore sister in law and just enjoy those lovely newborn cuddles.

They have behaved awfully. I would be furious. I’d set some firm boundaries asap, & frankly, not be as sensitive to their feelings in future. Sorry they’ve behaved like this, you need & deserve family support during pregnancy and especially after birth.

It's sounds very contrived. Remain silent and exclude them from you child's events, only invite GPS and your friends, as they'll obviously continue in this vein of using your events for their own purposes.

Gosh not even 5 replies in and some fool tells you that YABU 🙄

YADNBU OP. Your family are dicks. I would definitely put distance between you.
Congratulations on your baby 💐 Enjoy this lovely time x

I wouldn't even grace your SIL's text with a reply.

Back off from your awful family. Stop letting yourself be treated like this.

Congratulations on your baby.

In all of your other posts you have been encouraged to stop letting your family walk all over you. Sorry that it's still happening and you subjected yourself and your newborn to a journey to meet people that don't care about you or your baby. That's awful. I hope you find the strength to give yourself and your children the distance from them that you deserve.

Congratulations on your baby I hope she is better soon.
in the nicest possible way you add acting like a doormat and they are treating you like one
you gave birth yesterday and did a 4hr round trip with your sick baby the next day?
concentrate on your little family and find people who live near you to be your support mechanism.
I would ignore text from this woman - I would ignore all of them

This

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful DD, OP. Please don’t worry about them for another minute

why on earth did you drive for 2h with such a young baby, i stead of your family driving? What a bunch of dicks, and I don’t just mean DB and SIL. I’d be distancing myself and letting them put in the effort for a change. Time to prioritise yourself and your baby. Congratulations.

Your family sound awful. You’re so unimportant to them. Awful.

WTF did you put a newborn baby in a car for 2 hours there are back?
That's beyond having a shit family, that's you actually being a shit family to your newborn!
What's wrong with you!

^ There and back

Why on Earth would you drive a one day old baby two hours? Why on Earth would YOU undertake a two hour journey a day after giving birth?

I remember your previous threads too. They (mainly your mother) wouldn’t accept you couldn’t go on holiday as it was on or around your due date. And you weren’t allowed to mention your pregnancy so as not to upset your SIL. You didn’t get that info from her I don’t think? It was your mother.

You were completely right to refuse to commit to the holiday. Obviously. But then you drive two hours to see them! Why? Seriously. That’s bonkers. Your poor baby.

Please please start putting your children first. I really can’t believe you did that drive. I can’t believe your husband went along with it.

Nrtft, I'd congratulate her etc, then add a little aside that it was a shame that they didn't wait a few days and let their DM have another day of good news...

And I can’t believe you are more upset about the pregnancy announcement. Please get your priorities right. Your DD for one.

So now in absolute black and white you know your place.
It's in second place.
Leave them to it op.
Congratulations on your dd.

What a bunch of dickheads. Go low contact OP, their loss and it will continue to make you miserable.

Congratulations!!!!!! 💝

I've read your (and your husband's) previous threads. Your family are complete cunts to you, and clearly have no intention of letting up on that just because you have a brand new baby. You really need to let this be the last time you let them treat you - and, by association - your baby - like dirt on their shoes. Your husband must be absolutely raging. You can keep going back for more kickings, or you can make this the last straw and take a big step back. It doesn't sound like they bring anything to your life but stress, misery and disappointment.

You have been setting yourself up to be made a fool of and now you are dragging your new baby into this toxic mess.

I had to drive 2 hours home with my new baby because that is how far the hospital was from our house. It was stressful. You drive 4 hours with your new baby to visit people who don't even seem to even like you.

You need to stop trying to win their approval now, for the sake of your new baby if nothing else.

They are being arseholes and unreasonable.
But you don’t have to play the game. Just message back ‘No problem’ and leave them to it. If they are truly as self absorbed as they seem to be they won’t care you’ve been hurt, they’ll just center it back on themselves and you’ll have a pile of shit to deal with.

Disengage.
Turn off your phone.
Enjoy your baby.
Screw the rest of the world.