To be annoyed about dh giving female colleague lift home

[noirthoughts]

Good afternoon,

NC as incredibly outing but here we go.

Dh is a manager at a retail store 5-10 minutes drive away (25-30) mins walk.
Colleague and sometimes male colleagues live approximately 5 minutes walk from store.

Dh insist on taking the car to work and if I need to use the car in the daytime then I have to then when I finish what I need to do I then park the car in his work car park and walk home or sometimes if his break falls around they time he will drop me off.
I have a 4 year old twins and one year old in tow.

So I know dh can be generous with lifts home he says it's on his way bla bla so I've had no problem regardless if female or male.
Dh has two colleagues he drops off if hes o. Shift with them let's call her A and him B.
A&B live on the same road. So makes sense he drops them both off

but this is my aibu.

Yesterday I was struggling and when I dropped the car off he berated me saying it was filthy and how can he have his colleagues in the car with it looking like this.. he then says I should enjoy the walking as it helps with my weightloss. My children are screaming and then he says "I chose to use the car gallavanting around and that's my fault" I told him "why don't you walk home with them considering it's on your way and I'll just drive them home"
He says they live the opposite way but only a few minutes
So I said well they can walk he said it's only A I'm dropping off and she is vulnerable at 11pm to walk home as once she got mugged and now she's scared so it's no issue to drop her off and quickly come home.

Aibu to be pissed off?
He's happily let me walk home from the car park with 3 kids at 9pm in the winter when I was recovering from a brain tumour being removed but can't possibly let his colleague who btw has a husband who can come pick her up but can't because her son is in bed walk home for 5 minutes?

Don’t be distracted by the colleague issue. Concentrate on the real issue- that your husband is rude to you (why is it your job to clean the car, (presumably they are his kids too?) and dismissive of your children.

the colleague issue will let him argue that he is in the right, you wouldn’t care about him giving lifts to colleagues if he wasn’t being so rude to you

The you should walk with three small children because it will help with your weight loss comment would have had me fuming.

Its the dead weight of a selfish father and husband I'd be thinking about.

Why are you even dropping the car off? Just keep it. He can walk. His first responsibility is to his children and partner, not his colleague.

Not sure if the colleague being female is an issue but the disrespectful way he speaks to you is. I wouldn't bother dropping off the car.

FFS insist that you have the car 50% of the week. Why does his need to drive home trump you and the DC needs?

I don’t know where to start OP! Well your DH is a charmer, isn’t he?! He could clean the bloody car himself for starters! And that comment about your weight loss……!! And oh my God, what he did when you were recovering from a major brain op! This is so much more than being rude.

he said it would help with your weighloss? why are you still with the asshat?

Have you posted about this before? Sounds very familiar.

He is a wanker. Imagine how you’d feel if your grown up daughter’s partner treated /talked to her like your husband treats you.
Find your anger.

Your husband is such an arsehole, utterly unbelievable.

So what if she has ?

He is absolutely right to give her a lift. As a woman we should not make our partners feel guilty about trying to keep other women safe.

BUT he shouldn’t have spoken to you like that, or spoke about weight loss. Unless you talk about wanting to lose weight all the time.

I find myself reading this and wondering why people put up with this sort of shite. OP I’m raging for you.

His colleague is not his responsibility. YOU and HIS kids are.

You are worth so much more than this wanker is giving you, just dont accept it.

Agree the colleague is a red herring

Whose car is it? Who pays for it?

Can you afford a second car?

What would happen if you just drove the car home after you've been out?

I can understand him not want to kg to do a 30 minute walk of he's finishing at 11 but is that when the store closes or are they doing something together after work?

Is he usually rude about your appearance? Is he usually dismissive of your health issues?

Well he should walk to work and let you use the car if you have 3 small children. He sounds awful. My Dad used to get 2 buses to work so my Mum could have the car when we were little.

I can't imagine having to walk to his workplace to collect the car with 3 small children & then having to drop it back at his workplace and walk the children home in all weathers.

I also think to colleague is not the main issue. He's choosing to leave you with the children and no transport just to avoid a 20-30 mins walk. But is OK with you doing the walk with all the children. His colleague needs to sort herself out tbh. it's not his job - her husband can come and collect her or she can get an uber.

You don't have a "female colleagues getting a lift" problem, you have a MASSIVE DH problem.

Tell him to fuck off. You need your own car, that much is clear. You also need to be turfing this twat put on his ear by the sound of things

He’s a twat. If he’s like this a lot, dump him, a car is more useful than this selfish, colleague-toadying cunt.

I don't think giving a colleague a lift home at night is unreasonable but he does sound unreasonable in the way he treats you.

Who pays for the car

That’s the key question as to who gets to use it at times when you would both like to have it

Colleague is a side issue. Main issue is your husband. Priorities are wrong here... you & dc should be at the top of them, not last on the list.

Irrelevant in a marriage where OP is SAHM to THEIR children.

If OP says he pays then tough titties?

Why would she be walking home at 11pm, no retail stores open that late.

On days when it is just A then surely he can walk her to her home then walk back to you. If you can manage a 30 min walk with three small dc and recovering from surgery then he can manage a 40 min walk.