To be annoyed about dh giving female colleague lift home

[noirthoughts]

Good afternoon,

NC as incredibly outing but here we go.

Dh is a manager at a retail store 5-10 minutes drive away (25-30) mins walk.
Colleague and sometimes male colleagues live approximately 5 minutes walk from store.

Dh insist on taking the car to work and if I need to use the car in the daytime then I have to then when I finish what I need to do I then park the car in his work car park and walk home or sometimes if his break falls around they time he will drop me off.
I have a 4 year old twins and one year old in tow.

So I know dh can be generous with lifts home he says it's on his way bla bla so I've had no problem regardless if female or male.
Dh has two colleagues he drops off if hes o. Shift with them let's call her A and him B.
A&B live on the same road. So makes sense he drops them both off

but this is my aibu.

Yesterday I was struggling and when I dropped the car off he berated me saying it was filthy and how can he have his colleagues in the car with it looking like this.. he then says I should enjoy the walking as it helps with my weightloss. My children are screaming and then he says "I chose to use the car gallavanting around and that's my fault" I told him "why don't you walk home with them considering it's on your way and I'll just drive them home"
He says they live the opposite way but only a few minutes
So I said well they can walk he said it's only A I'm dropping off and she is vulnerable at 11pm to walk home as once she got mugged and now she's scared so it's no issue to drop her off and quickly come home.

Aibu to be pissed off?
He's happily let me walk home from the car park with 3 kids at 9pm in the winter when I was recovering from a brain tumour being removed but can't possibly let his colleague who btw has a husband who can come pick her up but can't because her son is in bed walk home for 5 minutes?

You paid for the car.
You pay petrol even though he drives it!
Switch the insurance to your name only and make sure the log book is in your name.
Hide the keys and spare keys.

If he wants to impress his loser colleagues who can't even walk 5 mins home that live on the same street as each other than he can buy his own car.

Leave this loser - I'm sure you'll find a better man hopefully, with a better job too.

You do too much already.
Full time mum
Kids activities
Part time work in the evening or full time
This is the worst sort of life - people that are just stay at home parents or work full time at least get a break.

This guy is no good for you - thinks his kids activities are nothing to do with him.

Can't get over these losers that can't walk 5 mins homes and 30 mim's himself - no wonder there's so many over weight people in the UK.

Ditch the idiot, he is disgusting.

Yeah, he's a graceless knob.

Finally, a sensible response. Your husband sounds very unreasonable.

Wow, he really is a hateful and selfish pig isn't he. He'd rather see his wife and mother of his children struggle just so he can play the hero to the damsel/s in distress and look like a good guy. All the while treating you like shit. His comment about your weight would have me fantasising about right-hooking him across the face, and next time he says that I would say "I can lose 120 pounds (or whatever he weighs) by dumping the deadweight that is you". He needs to buy his own car - families generally need two cars anyway these days. But I'd be telling him he needs to show respect to his wife and the mother of his children and change his attitude quick smart or he'll get divorce papers. Maybe suggest counselling, if you think he is at all remotely worth it.

Why should he do 10 hour shifts then have to walk home because I decide to put my children in activities.

Sorry, but aren't these his dc as well, not just yours? Seriously I would have said the walk would do him good to wind down. With this attitude I am sure there must be other examples of him been a complete twat of a dh. Seriously rethink this relationship

I would tell him to F off.

Colleagues can get a taxi if its problematic for them to walk. You're funding all his stupidity both financially and stress wise.

Does he love you? Do you love him?

He sounds like a jerk and def has no respect for you.

Sending a hug cos I suspect you need one x

Even if it left your three kids and partner walking home at 9pm at night?

Even if he is the manager, it is not his responsibility to drive her home in his wife's car while his wife is reduced to walking for miles hauling her small children. The female colleague could actually buy her own vehicle and pay for her own petrol - you know like the OP did.

The colleagues are a red herring. He's just a horrible, horrible man. You must know this. He talks to you like you're shit on his shoe. And he lost his licence for drink driving too? What an arsehole. Why on earth are you with him?

Why are you with him? He sounds utterly vile and is treating you like shit.

Whose car is it? Who's name is the car in?

You paid for the car, you pay petrol... he pays insurance but then he drives it twice a day and wants it with him.

If car is in your name, I'd remove his keys and tell him he no longer gets to use my car because it will keep him healthy and also only a shit dad would expect his children to have to walk around for hours in this heat whilst he swans around stealing their mother's car.

Fuck that. Why are you dropping a car to a grown man and walking home with 3 young kids so he can drive home? I wouldn't be dropping car off to him. Selfish twat.

He can get his own car or walk. Your day is longer than his by having the kids all day and then starting working when they go to bed. He sounds like a selfish prick. Keep the car, stop dropping it for him.

Drink driving.
Being uncaring when you were recovering from a brain tumour.
Prioritising his comfort when you are parenting 3 small children.

I feel like this car issue is very much the tip of the iceberg. I suspect he's a nasty and unpleasant man. You have said you want to get rid of him. What help do you need? You are a caring Mum who's already found flexible employment. You could live independently, with your own car and garnish his wages. I bet you would be so much happier, much more flexible and your children would thrive having a happy mum.

He is prioritising this other women and guy, although I think it's more her, over your needs.

His wife and mother of his children.

You are not important

OP bought the car and pays for petrol so her “D”P doesn’t care! @noirthoughts why does he pay for the insurance? Take his name off the car because I bet the insurance is high because he was caught drink driving. Claim the car as your own (because it is) and dump this waste of space. Why are you still with him?

He’s told you he shouldn’t have to put in 10 hour shifts then walk home.

Tell him you’re no longer prepared to put in 13 hour shifts with the kids plus x number of hours working in the evenings along with walking everywhere with the kids. Your car is no longer available for him. If he wants a car, he needs to get one himself. Then insure your car just for you. It will cost a fraction of the cost if a drink driver isn’t added on.

Get him a push bike. Take the car.

I don’t think he’s unreasonable to want a car there to take him home if his regular finish time is 11pm. You need to work out when you both need the car and come up with a plan, whether that’s buy another car, take a taxi, one of you walk etc.

Who ever is looking after the children gets the car. Dh is walking distance from work. Walking alone is easier than errands with children.

Forget the collegue and lifts. Your husband is unreasonable to think he needs the car to save him a walk. Collegue can sort lift or taxi herself.

The colleague is a red herring. The real issue here is your selfish twat of a husband, why are you still married to him? He’s awful.

The more you post, the more I wonder why on earth you’re with this man. You work and you’re parenting effectively- ensuring they go to activities and get out of the house etc. No doubt this Prince among men adds to your stress. I’m sure you’d find life much easier and more enjoyable without him. Ditch the weight - your “dear” partner.

Tbh the car situation is almost a red herring as well. It is the attitude and reasoning behind it which is absolutely batshit, complete lack of willingness to compromise & prioritise the welfare of his family.