To be annoyed about dh giving female colleague lift home

[noirthoughts]

Good afternoon,

NC as incredibly outing but here we go.

Dh is a manager at a retail store 5-10 minutes drive away (25-30) mins walk.
Colleague and sometimes male colleagues live approximately 5 minutes walk from store.

Dh insist on taking the car to work and if I need to use the car in the daytime then I have to then when I finish what I need to do I then park the car in his work car park and walk home or sometimes if his break falls around they time he will drop me off.
I have a 4 year old twins and one year old in tow.

So I know dh can be generous with lifts home he says it's on his way bla bla so I've had no problem regardless if female or male.
Dh has two colleagues he drops off if hes o. Shift with them let's call her A and him B.
A&B live on the same road. So makes sense he drops them both off

but this is my aibu.

Yesterday I was struggling and when I dropped the car off he berated me saying it was filthy and how can he have his colleagues in the car with it looking like this.. he then says I should enjoy the walking as it helps with my weightloss. My children are screaming and then he says "I chose to use the car gallavanting around and that's my fault" I told him "why don't you walk home with them considering it's on your way and I'll just drive them home"
He says they live the opposite way but only a few minutes
So I said well they can walk he said it's only A I'm dropping off and she is vulnerable at 11pm to walk home as once she got mugged and now she's scared so it's no issue to drop her off and quickly come home.

Aibu to be pissed off?
He's happily let me walk home from the car park with 3 kids at 9pm in the winter when I was recovering from a brain tumour being removed but can't possibly let his colleague who btw has a husband who can come pick her up but can't because her son is in bed walk home for 5 minutes?

With 3 small kids you should have the car and he should buy a bike and cycle to work. He shouldn't be putting the colleagues before you, which in effect he is. Sounds like a right prick tbh.

@CallOnMe

No - The unwritten rule is that whoever needs the car gets the car.

And a SAHM to 4 year old twins and a one year old has far more need than someone who could walk to work in 25mins.

@noirthoughts the colleague is the least for your worries. Your DH has no consideration for you at all!

I would be making him cycle to work

@CallOnMe

Has he given you any reason to feel so insecure?

aI think if he wasn’t giving his colleagues lifts home (one in particular) then you wouldn’t care about him having the car

You’re massively misinterpreting the situation. The OP has explained exactly why she needs the car but you are seemingly attempting to gaslight her into feeling unreasonable. Why is that?!

Good Lord; when do you sleep?

Take the car and change the locks and kick him out
what a vile waste of space

25mins walk to work? If that was me I'd be walking it - especially with the increased cost of petrol. Maybe get my partner to give me a lift in or back if hammering it down with rain.

The colleague is a red herring. The issue is your husband. Does he have any redeeming features?

You’re looking after three kids, working PT (and recovering from tumour surgery?!) I guarantee you can manage without him. In fact, I suspect your life may become more straightforward without him in it.

Surely getting the kids in the car to pick him up would be less stressful that what you are currently doing?

and ignore the two posters who are clearly sockpuppeting, what they are doing isn’t helpful, big or clever.

I cannot get over a man who thinks his wife and THREE young children should walk the very same distance he can’t be bothered too. What. A. Prick.

Your husband is a massive bellend, as are a couple of posters.

My car? I paid for it? Fuck off.

It's a FAMILY car and the OP needs it far more than her husband who can't walk for 30 minutes, and would rather leave a car sitting idle and totally inconvenience his so-called partner.

I work at home from 8pm onwards so I am a full time sahm and worker!

I paid for the car, he pays insurance and I pay petrol!

Well this is even more ridiculous. You paid for the car & can't use it. Also SAHM to 3 small children is definitely working - just not paid work.

I think you just need to get him to cycle.

The fact that you then work evenings is making all this worse. You're chasing about all day, trying to get children to activities & if you need car you have to deliver back to DH just so he doesn't have to walk himself. I'm astounded that he expects you to walk small children 30 mins on your own when it's bedtime routine time.

He's such a selfish twat.

Surely it's a family car?

OP Jesus honestly this is ridiculous. How on earth have you not strangled him. Seriously though take the bloody car back. The poor lamb can walk. Appalling making you do this.

Wtf! It’s your car. Tell him to bloody walk!

i can’t believe any decent husband/father would let his children walk in all weathers while he’s driving a walkable distance. Arsehole. Leave him and take the car with you

He's horrible. He doesn't need the car at all, and your paying the petrol for him to drive other people around? Absolutely no on at all.
If the incident of having to walk home at 9pm with 3 kids hasn't made you rethink your marriage then I doubt this incident will.

It doesn't matter who actually owns the car,they have children and whoever is minding the children NEEDS the dar

Car

This.

A couple, with 3 small dc who need ferrying about and one car leave the car with whoever needs it the most - which, overwhelmingly will be the person who is ferrying the dc about.

Who paid for the car isn't relevant. That is the family car.

I wouldn't be dropping the car off anymore tbh, and if he took it I'd be walking to get it, using it, and taking it home again.

You’re massively misinterpreting the situation. The OP has explained exactly why she needs the car but you are seemingly attempting to gaslight her into feeling unreasonable. Why is that?!

@PegasusReturns
Did you read the last part of OPs post?
And all of the parts where she is jealous of the female colleague.

This isn’t just about her wanting the car.

It’s not gaslighting to say something more is going on here.

if you had two cars it would be different, however the priority should be with his own children and wife. Personally I’d hide the car keys and tell him to walk and to stop being so bloody selfish. Her lift issue is not for your DH to resolve.

@noirthoughts So the car is essentially yours and you are a full time SAHM with three kids under 5. You and the kids should be taking priority of the car over your husband and his colleagues. They can always share a taxi home if they cannot be bothered to walk back together.

And remember DC belong to both you and DH, he has a responsibility for their welfare as well as yours.

I personally would have removed him from the insurance and told him to sort out a car of his own if he was so insistent on giving lifts to colleagues.

Why don't you offer to drive the colleague home and he can walk. See how he likes it.

The car sits in a carpark all day whilst you have 3 pre schoolers to get about? Your DH should be walking and leaving you with the car that you bought.
Cheeky fucker.

I'd be seriously reevaluating this marriage if I were you.