Incident at Nursery, how much do I lose my shit over it?

[CerseiForTheWin]

Name changed as Ive been sounding off about this so much that it could be recognisable.

DS started nursery a few weeks back, he’s ten months old. I didn’t want him to go particularly but I have to work and that’s a whole other thread. No family nearby to help, just me DH and DS. He does 3.5 days and I compress full time hours to have him for the other 1.5 days.

I have been thinking they were a bit rubbish with a few aspects, like not really helping him with his bottle so it’s either going all over his clothes and he had a rash on his chest from it, or he’s not really bothering to drink at all. He doesn’t eat much yet really so the formula is definitely still an important part of his diet. Added to that they’re crap with updates, I have no real idea what he does in there all day, all we get at pick up is ‘he’s been really good today’ what does that even mean?!

Anyway, got the dreaded nursery phone call at work on Friday. They emphasised the fact that he was ‘absolutely fine’ but had a slight injury to his fingers as they’ve got trapped in a door that someone opened. I thought we’ll that’s a bit shit why was he near the door but they said he’d just ‘grazed’ his fingers but had had lots of cuddles and was fine.

DH picked up- he’s not fine, he’s had the skin taken off the ends of two of his fingers. They’ve not dressed it or anything, it’s just raw. Apparently it looked worse than it was because he kept putting his fingers in his mouth. Duh. The key worker waved the accident form at DH and he signed it but frustratingly didn’t know he was supposed to receive a copy. She didn’t give him one. He says he just wanted to get DS home but was shocked at how bad it looked. So I don’t know exactly what happened.

have included a pic. Keeping the fingers clean is a nightmare. They’re really sore.

Obviously I’m really angry. I’ll email and have a meeting with the manger as I want to know exactly what happened. How mad would you go if it was your baby, and has anybody had any similar indecent happen at their nursery?

looking at pulling him out to go somewhere else too but slightly stuck for availability for the times we need and location but have started enquiring.

I’m definitely not over reacting am I ? Incidentally I work in childcare myself in a different capacity and in 14 years of that have never caused injury to a child in any way. The kind of accidents I might expect are bumps and falls etc but this is something else.

I'd be 100% raging. And I don't do that often.

Oh bless him, that looks horrible! So glad you've been to get it treated. Hope you're ok OP. It all sounds very upsetting (the injury and them not helping him feed). Hope you get some answers.

I just wanted to say, don't feel bad you didn't take him to MIU earlier, what you did at home sounds like very good first aid.

The only way I can imagine that I jury happening is that he's got his fingers under the door, nails upwards, touching the door, and then they've been dragged along the carpet as the door opened/shut.

Accidents do happen, but keeping crawling babies away from heavy doors is a very obvious thing that should be happening automatically. It's not exactly a freak accident that no one could have envisioned. I'd be furious, and I would not feel great about sending him back tbh.

As others have said, definitely looks like a burn as opposed to fingers being shut in a cupboard door.
Poor little thing, hope he's ok

Bloody hell.

Must admit I read your post thinking you were probably being a bit over the top, until I saw the photo...
I'd be fuming pretty pissed off if that was my baby, I doubt I'd take him back.

It looks like a burn?!

Nope. 100% not being unreasonable.
you literally pay them to keep your child safe-and your DH shouldn’t have to know he should have received a copy, they know, and it’s literally part of their health and safety procedures to supply a copy to the patents. I’d be inclined to lodge a formal complaint and seek alternative childcare

Poor baby, one way to stop him sucking or pulling off the dressings is to cover his whole hand and arm with a long enough sock, and use nappy pins to attach it to his vest. Hope he heals quickly.
I'd be going in and talking to the manager, right out your lists and include him not getting his bottles properly and the rash from spilled milk all over his chest, they must be leaving him in soaked clothes all day.

It really does look like he's touched something very hot, that's not grazing. Blisters and red swollen fingers .poor little one. They clearly haven't been watching him well at all.

My dd had a v similar looking injury at the same age from a door caused by her fingers getting trapped underneath as my husband opened the door from the other side. Obviously she was very upset for a while at the time and they bled quite impressively but baby skin heals remarkably quickly!

That’s good to hear, thank you. Don’t want to sound like complete drama llama but I feel like I’m physically hurting on his behalf. I feel horrible about it.

That looks like a very odd injury for being caused by a door. Unless, maybe, his fingers were under the door and have been dragged along the floor as it's been opened/closed? I'd want a meeting with key worker and manager to discuss how it happened and what improvements they've put in place to make sure it doesn't happen again, at the very least. If you're going to move him, check Ofsted reports on possible nurseries, and local parent groups for reviews/recommendations.

the first thing I thought when saw the pic and thought a burn

others feel the same

yes accidents happen but just seems the pic isn’t showing a trapped finger

I wonder about that kind of friction burn.

I think your little one has put his fingers in a hot drink. Poor little soul, please start looking for another nursery.

I would not be leaving him there again. I can't imagine leaving a child that young at nursery full stop but I assumed at that age they'd be constantly watched and cared for. The lack of help with a bottle would be enough for me to take him out.

Definitely kick up a fuss. You're not over reacting at all.

It’s unfortunately a dilemma faced by many working parents. It is not what I’d choose, but we do not live in a society that makes staying at home with your child an affordable option, sadly. I can’t feel anymore shite about that than I already do.

Some doors are fitted with slow closure devices which would cause these sort of injuries.If it was a normal door unfortunately the baby may have lost their fingertips. I agree with the others who say that baby gates are much more common on nursery doors and I think I'd question the risk assessment carried out on the doors.
That's a very distressing injury for a small child to have and I appreciate how stressed you are.
I'd ask to meet with the manager to discuss asap.

I think OP feels shit enough without being guilt tripped for something that the majority of mums have very little choice over these days...

OP I promise you there are good childcare options out there. The best advice I can give is go with your gut instinct. I had mine with a CM initially and I just knew it wasn't right. Little things that could easily have been dismissed and my dh I could tell thought I was over reacting. My almost 2YO just wasn't settling and when I went to pick her up she was screaming like I'd never heard her scream before and I was met with eye rolling about my kid's reactions to being left there... after only 2 settling in sessions and being told 'you'll have trouble with her when she's a teenager'. I moved her to a nursery and she settled instantly and they've barely had a negative thing to say about her behaviour in 2 years and she went from crying because she didn't want to be left to crying because she didn't want to leave in just a couple of weeks. Go with your instinct. It's there for a reason xx

Ok, so you've had confirmation from someone who knows what they're talking about that the injury is consistent with the nursery's story, so hopefully that reassures you that they're telling the truth.

What do you need from the meeting? Obviously you need to protect your DC, but I wouldn't go in in a confrontational way. Ask for the accident form and to see the CCTV, they will likely be more than willing to do so.

With respect to your other concerns, how much info do you get? At that age, we get a list of what they've eaten and how much (all, most, some, none), I'd expect the same for bottles too. We also get details of naps (time and duration) and nappies (wet, dirty, dry). We then get a couple of sentences on what they've done that day. Wrt the bottles, I would've thought most DC at that age are able to give them themselves? And milk consumption should be falling by ten months anyway. Is it possible he's doing better with the solids at nursery (common, they tend to copy the other kids) and so taking less milk?

As you said, you need to work, and you chose this nursery for a reason. If they can't satisfy you then you'll need to pull him out, but have a think of what it would take to satisfy you and see if you can get there.

@CerseiForTheWin
My mum
died when I was 2.5 yrs He HAD. To work, no option.
I was sent to a grim Council run nursery , which was far from Ideal- But he found a much better one and the kindly woman who ran it I still remember.
Miss B.
I don’t begrudge Dad for putting me into a Bad nursery- As he didn’t know initially, and moved me to the kind one .
Parents do have to work these days, Don’t feel bad about it.
You said you are moving him to a better nursery- That is a real positive.
🙂

Your absolutely not overreacting. I’d be going apeshit over 1- how the hell did this happen and 2- the behaviour after it.

unfortunately private nurseries generally tend to employee people without a lot of experience and on pretty crap pay but that’s disgraceful. I’d be looking for a new nursery tbh

OP, you've done the right thing getting your son checked over by professionals. I wasn't entirely convinced the injuries were burns. I can actually see how that type of injury COULD potentially be caused by getting fi gers trapped in doors.

The most plausible theory I can think of is that your little one was near double doors like in hospital corridors. If one door was closed and the other was closing, it's possible the pads of his fingers got trapped where the two doors meet and the closing door actually closed onto his fingers, taking off the skin.

Whatever happened, and HOWever it happened, it could and should have been prevented. As others have pointed out, it's a very VERY basic thing to have finger guards on doors within a childcare setting. A member of staff SHOULD also have been keeping a close eye on your child and keeping him safe from such injuries. Where were they? Why was he allowed to be so close to doors? At ten months old their fingers are so tiny and very easily damaged. It's scary to think what more serious injuries could be caused - as if this isn't serious enough!

Do what you need to do with regards to CCTV, asking for a copy of the incident report and handing the matter over to Ofsted and the council's safeguarding team if necessary. It's vital the nursery take steps to avoid other accidental injuries such as this to protect other children and babies.

Don't beat yourself up over this, and definitely don't listen to anyone who tells you not to seek childcare for your child. In a perfect world, one parent's income (assuming your DH is able to work) would be enough to support the family and pay the bills but meanwhile, in the real world...

Edit: Should read My dad had to work after mum died..
The bad nursery is now gone !
🙂

Your poor boy. I'd be removing him immediately, childcare or no childcare, and reporting them to Ofsted as it sounds like other children are unsafe - I don't buy their explanation of this injury at all, I agree with other posters that it looks like a burn.

so sorry OP. Be clear though, you should 100% without question, be able to leave your child safely at nursery. This is not about your ability to not be with him 24hrs a days. Working full time in 3.5 days is utterly brutal. You are doing your very best and that should be good enough. I would be really cross too - definitely not a PFB reaction. Poor button.

We had an issue with one of our nurseries where a child got out (through 2 locked doors). Followed another family out at home time and wandered down the street. This would an outstanding nursery which was then downgraded to food (they had an Ofsted within a month - either reported by parent or self reported). Funnily enough, there was another excellent (by parents account) nursery locally who had the same issue with a child wandering our. I guess I’m saying that things happen (same as in any care setting) at good nurseries. But, and it’s a huge but, it’s the level of openness and transparency with which they deal with it that is key. Most of us have taken our eyes of children for a few moments when they could have trapped fingers. I would move forward based on your judgement of how they deal with this (meeting you swiftly, investigating and keeping in touch, outlining measures to stop it happening again) xx