To want to spend all weekend with my husband

[DisneyBaby]

I've written about my husband a few times, we can be quite up and down. We've been together for 12 years, married for 5 and have two young daughters under 3.
He likes a gamble but that's under control (for the moment), and likes golf. As the gambling has calmed down a bit for now. the golf seems to have picked up a lot more and there isn't a weekend that goes by where he's not playing on either the Saturday or Sunday. And he often plays 1 weeknight too.
I genuinely love spending time with my husband and our children and nothing makes me happier. I would gladly spend every single day with my husband with no break and wouldn't get bored or sick of him. So I find it really hard to get my head around the fact that he wants to play golf so much and not be with our family. I can't help but take it personally like he doesn't enjoy spending time with me or us, or would chose golf over us...
AIBU taking offence to him playing so often, and how can I not take it too personally that he has a hobby? I feel like I'm just waiting indoors with my girls for him to come home all the time...

Good points made re the car. Tell him to get a lift.

When my last two were a similar age to yours, my DH would take the toddler out of a weekend. One day he'd have a day out with my eldest and middle, then Sunday would visit family. I was happy in with just the baby. He's dodging being a parent. As said he's replaced one addiction with another. He needs to switch to focusing on being a Dad and a husband. If a Stag do comes up, then he knocks off golf. You shouldn't be parenting alone while living with the father to your children. So it depends on how much he pulls his weight when he is there. I'd also have discussions around you eventually getting free time, in a few months and how you are going to fit that in. The attachment needs to be fostered now, so your children are happy in his care and you not being there. You're not wrong about him being around to parent, help run the house, but you've got a lot of post birth hormones going on and that might be the cause of some of your feelings. Unless you feel that you are drifting apart and get no quality time together.

Why make it a sexist issue? It’s not. Women have hobbies they partake in at the weekend too. I do, I go for a long run on a Saturday or Sunday and can be gone for four hours, leaving dh at home with the kids.
Dh entertains himself and kids.
OP is choosing to stay in and mope, awaiting her husband’s return.

I can’t argue that there are a lot of selfish men who please themselves and refuse to compromise while ignoring their wives’ needs…but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. He’s not doing anything wrong or unusual. It’s not a ‘man’ thing. There’s no need to toss out the old ‘I don’t know why women put up with this’ spiel. Put up with what? Her husband having an interest outside of the family?
I wouldn’t put up with someone grudging me mine.

Definitely unfair! He should be allowing you the same amount of breaks, not expect you to pick up childcare on 50% of his free time.

OP doesn't want a break, she wants them to spend every single minute of the weekend together.

@pictish hobbies are one thing but pissing off for a huge part of the weekend, every weekend and leaving it all to op isn't fair. I wouldn't do this, and neither would my husband. We also have our own interests and hobbies too but try not to inconvenience the other so much.

Agree with all of this, it really isn't healthy to want this level of suffocation. Have you suggested doing things as a family in the mornings then dropping him at golf, then the car is yours?

Some good suggestions here about the car , OP dropping DH off at or him getting a lift. But I get the impression that OP will not listen because there is only one outcome she wants . And that is DH spending all hours of his free time with the family. Same as OP doesn't want a break, her own hobbies or time to herself.

Addiction is a disease, not treated seriously at all and is incredibly hard to escape.
If his trigger for gambling was boredom and being at home then good on him for having the strength to recognize and avoid those triggers.
Wanting to spend all day every day with him. Just stop now. That's suffocating and placing an unfair burden on him that he is responsible for your happiness, nobody is, only you. As others have said, get a hobby yourself.

I would gladly spend every single day with my husband with no break and wouldn't get bored or sick of him

that would make me feel suffocated. In the beginning of a relationship I get it but a few years down the line I would pull away as many would

but you have two young children and you both need time where you can relax a bit, for you this might be all together for him a step away this is what you need to work out. Some do not want time to themselves others need it but has to be reasonable and works for you all

twice a week with such young children doesn’t seem fair

It's healthy to have hobbies outside of the home and relationship. The midweek golfing is fine as is time at weekend. I don't see why he needs to be away for 9 hours though?

I know a couple who've been married for over 40 years. She's never had much interest in doing things for herself. She gave up driving more than ten years ago. He's got one hobby which she made him give up completely when their child was young and he'll have to give up due to age soon. She becomes anxious and annoyed if he isn't back to the minute of planned time. She resents any time he spends elsewhere and he doesn't even have any friends of his own now, as she's driven them away.

That's how this kind of dependency can end up.

I used to live with a man like this. He had the same little wounded voice as the OP. I cheated on him relentlessly, he was so pathetic. In the end I met someone better and moved on. He appears to be fairly normal now, is married to a similarly wimpy woman and seems happy enough so every pot has their lid. I just don't think the ops husband knew he was Lidding a pressure cooker, poor bastard

If he has won an award for his golf he must be quite good and it’s a shame you saw him collecting that award (which only took one hour) as a negative.

I would understand if his absence meant you couldn’t see your friends or do your hobbies, but it sounds like you may not have any.

It’s important that you start to build up a social life of your own because what if something happens to him or he leaves you? It’s too much pressure to expect him to be your sole source of entertainment.

Of course he will leave. Who would want to live like that? Probably just waiting for the kids to get bigger

Just to say my DH and I would also spend every minute together and not get bored, and often do! It works for us. It’s not “creepy” to want to spend most of your time with your favourite person, if you’re lucky enough to be married to them.

I would gladly spend every single day with my husband with no break and wouldn't get bored or sick of him.

This makes you sound quite suffocating and I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful considering your first sentence is how you’ve written several threads and your relationship has been up and down.

It’s really important he has time away from you, especially if the relationship is rocky.

But he’s also a father and can’t check out of parenting or being a husband.

You need to work out a schedule where you’re spending 1 day a week as a family and then split the rest of the time fairly so you are BOTH having time away from each other doing your hobbies and you’re BOTH equally sharing the childcare.

It sounds like your relationship doesn’t work and he’s trying to spend as much time away from the house as possible.

YABVU.

Hobbies are important. Exercise is important. Being active is important. Spending time with your friends is important. Having interests & activities outside of work & family is important for physical & mental health. People who don’t have such interests are boring & dull. Instead of whingeing about your husband’s hobbies, find hobbies of your own and negotiate a fair split of time spent on them with him.

Drop him at golf and take the car. He can get a lift or a taxi home.

I think you have posted on the wrong thread @Polly345

OP as other pp’s have said it is very unhealthy to want to be with someone 24/7. Both you and your DH are people as well as parents and need space sometimes. As long as it’s balanced then it’s fair. Once your baby is not EBF think about getting your own time to do your own hobbies too.

I don’t think the timings you gave about the last few weekends are that bad

Honestly OP I find this really creepy.

Wanting to spend every waking minute with someone is really unhealthy and no wonder he wants to get away.

If your issue was that he wasn’t pulling his weight at home or whatever but it sounds like you want to just hang around him all the time. It sounds unbelievably stifling.

With respect I think you should have counselling.

In my view, separate hobbies & (some) separate holidays are key to a long relationship. I can't imagine how stifling it would be otherwise. We can't rely on other people to make us happy, we have to find our own interests and independence. Just let the poor guy enjoy his fresh air & exercise every week.

Why is it creepy? I get it's not healthy to spend all of your time together but not creepy, especially as op has a very young baby.

@blebbleb

If a woman posted on here that her DH or DP wanted her not to do anything with anyone other than him at the weekend she would rightly be told he is controlling.

I would find it unbearably claustrophobic if someone lacked the resources to entertain themselves if I wasn’t there.

The OP isn’t saying she wants more help with the children, she appears to be saying she can’t feel happy or relaxed if her husband isn’t there. Which I do think is creepy and if I were him it would give me second thoughts about the marriage.

Oops.
Thanks for letting me know