to ask if most people openly share salaries with friends (and families?) in the UK?

[polka6]

I know it often comes up on MN how much people earn etc, are people in the UK anywhere near as open in real life? what about with close friends - do you share when you have a promotion etc? Is it more standard to do that with family?

Personally, I more or less share the details with parents and friends in the same line of work (who earn similar or previous have done or will do in the future) but not so much with friends not in the same career circles and probably downplay it whereas the general consensus on MN seems to be people inflate the figures?

DP knows.

We should discuss salary more at work for sure. It's not against any law to discuss and if we started we might have a move to more equal pay...

Yes I talk about it, I am public sector it is public information that anyone can find out if they want to. I do not think it is crass, that attitude of secrecy around salary allows for some terrible practices and unfairness, especially as women we should discuss renumeration. My department pays significantly less than others for similar roles. I find this insulting and annoying and I want people to understand the situation, why I vote to strike and to support me if/when I do. I wish people were more open about money, I think it would help us all and weed out some unfairness that goes unchallenged.

In what way is it crass? Your salary is a fundamental part of your life. Not discussing a fundamental part of life with your friends or family is weird to me. Why bother having friends or family if you don’t discuss important things?

I’d share if asked, but my friends have never asked me and I’ve never asked them - but I’ve got a rough idea

I absolutely agree that our hang up about salaries enables the gender pay gap and other unfair practices in the workplace. I know exactly what DH earns and discuss it openly with my children and a very few friends. I don't mention it to others because it's not the done thing. I will be leaving my job very shortly to take up a much better position elsewhere. I did make a point of telling some of my closest colleagues what my new salary will be, because my current workplace (female dominated) is well known for very low salaries and I felt it important for them to know exactly how much they could be earning elsewhere!

No I was brought up that you don't discuss it.. however I don't mind people asking.
I sometimes wish we were more open. My DH has a job which ppl assume is higher paid as it sounds grand and a bit glam. Its paid well but nothing like the comments we get and ppl assume we can afford stuff that we can't. I have to be open about my salary to an extent as I offer my services at an hourly rate which anyone with a calculator could work out!
I agree with others that women would be better off talking openly and would help to close gender pay gap.

There are many things that are a “fundamental part of life”: going to the toilet, having sex, grubby little personal habits such as nose picking…do you discuss these with your family and friends? If not, why not?

Never discussed my salary, savings or investments with anyone. DH and I know and that’s it.

For me it was partly because I did not want anyone to ask for a loan or to feel jealous. We paid our mortgage off when we were 35 by making a high risk investment. It means that our really quite decent salaries combined went far further.

I have helped relatives in the past by buying white goods and paying for holidays so they know I’m ok with money. But I do not want to be put in the position of being asked for large loans. My friend is still owed 25k by a cousin.

The difference is because salary isn’t a grubby little habit. The fact that people see money as “dirty” explains a lot -as if we all should go through life in a gilded cloud, not having to think or worry about money, as if you were an aristocrat from the olden days, not wanting to dirty your hands with “trade”. That is not true. I’m sometimes told on this forum, and elsewhere, that my salary is low, that it would be “impossible” to live on that in London, that my DH’s salary is really low, that my DD’s salary is really, really low. It’s really important that people know the reality of salaries, not some made-up idea based on what “everyone” thinks -usually wrongly. For example, my pay rise this year is 1%. I think that’s low. If people didn’t talk about it, how would I know that was low? I might think that was an amazing payrise.

No its not.

Its particularly British to consider such discussion crass.

I don't talk about salary very often at all, but If I do, it's with a small group of industry friends who earn the same or more.

I'm not sure if it's just my teens, but we've never told them our earning because we've never wanted them to say 'of course we can afford it, you earn XYZ'.

Yes, I do and my friends do too. I’ve also discussed it with colleagues in my previous and current jobs and we’ve encouraged each other to fight for pay rises when we’ve discovered discrepancies. I even told a random person on Twitter what i earned because they asked (I used to have a fairly publicly visible job so not weird to be conversing with randoms online in that line of work).

totally agree with others that the stupid culture of secrecy around salaries only helps exploit people - usually women, working class people, and non white people. Knowing what others in your peer group earn - especially when it’s high - helps people value themselves and realise their own potential and gives them information about market rates to advocate for better pay for themselves. I’d also happily tell anyone who asked the value of my flat and how much I’ve got in savings and again these are things my friends and I discuss.

there’s a massive difference between a discussion and randomly announcing it in a boastful way.

I work in the public sector and the salary bands are available online so colleagues know what each other earns. It is openly discussed at work.

Family know what I earn as majority of them are public sector too.

I don’t discuss it with friends. When I started a new role, my friend asked me if my salary was over £30k which I replied yes and she brings it up all the time. She has expected me to pay a number of times we’ve been out for coffee because I earn more. Wish I never got in to that conversation with her!

I know roughly what all my friends earn and the exact amounts for quite a few of them.

We don't discuss it often, but it doesn't come up when people are changing jobs etc and no one in my friendship circle has ever hidden it (unless they are lying and I don't know!).

People don't really know what I earn but that's because I have my own business so it's not as easy as saying this is my salary.

These are all things I and my friends discuss too so your point doesn’t stand. Also money isn’t a grubby secret. It’s a fact of life.

I earn NMW so my friends and i do talk generally about it

dh doesnt talk to people per se but he works in tax so he does know the earnings of a handful of my friends and husbands wages/pensions as theyve asked him questions

in one or two of those cases they probably know what he earns

adult child and parents know vaguely, dhs brother didnt but he went on and on and on the other day about how Dh should have got a better job and earned x amount of pay and i lost my temper and told him that he already earned over x

i did apologise to dh

It doesn't matter who you tell or don't.
Mortgages are mostly linked to salaries.
It takes a minute to chk what you paid for your home on zoopla sold prices.

Dh's sister expected him to buy her exh out of the house. She was quite open about not thinking she needed to pay it back. I'm sure by comments on here she'd be horrified at how much we earned at the time and wouldn't have believed we had little savings - the truth was we spent most of what we earned - our prerogative, but still - we shouldn't have to justify it to anyone. When you have wealth inequalities with friends and family - I think it's best not to talk about it, we learned the hard way that we can't talk about the things we spend our money on either. So we never mention holidays for example.

But that doesn't tell you what your mortgage is or your salary. We bought our house with cash.

That doesn't make sense at all. You have no idea that percentage mortgage someone has on their house purchase.

I have a relative who lives in Norway and she tells me that all salaries are shown on some online database that is available to anyone. Everyone can access everyone else's so secrecy (privacy) is not an option.

I was shocked when she told me - I suppose I'm accustomed to the reluctance to discuss salaries over here but she said people there just accept that's how it is and no one minds.

I suppose there are some benefits to transparency.

Sharing that I got a promotion? Yes, definitely - with family and friends. Sharing actual salary? No. I don't find it taboo or an awkward topic to talk about at all, so it wouldn't in principle bother me in the slightest to tell someone (even a stranger) if it was directly relevant to the conversation. But it's not information it would parricularly occur to me to share otherwise.

also NHS so people know what range I earn.

I'm completely open about mine as are friends about theirs. We talk about it in terms of budgeting, negotiating or moaning. I just wouldn't consider it crass at all, its just a conversation topic and we would support each other to grow salaries or balance life vs salaries vs hours and that sort of thing. We are also completely open about rent, house prices and all sorts else. None of us have a salary to be hugely proud of though so maybe that's the difference haha!

I think the issue of talking about salary with teens is an interesting one. I’ve had the same thoughts. I once was with my teen on the bus going past the latest huge apartment complex being built -I live in London- and teen asking how much you’d need to earn to afford a flat there. So we worked it out, based on the national average salary figure, not the London average, which is completely distorted. Basically, you couldn’t. My teen went on to get a first class degree from a top university, but earns little as a TA. I think that’s a really low salary and I tell her that. If she became a teacher, I think that’s a good salary.