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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In labour and alone - hand hold please

314 replies

GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:36

I was induced earlier today. I just had a CTG and my contractions are between 50-80, every two minutes. Midwife said they'll break my waters as soon as I'm on delivery suite, But, there's no space on the delivery suite so I can't have any pain relief except paracetamol and, even worse, DH has been sent home because he's not allowed to stay unless I'm on delivery suite...and yet, they've made an exception for the only other woman on the ward so her DH is with her.

In my last labour, I was induced and went from them saying the induction had failed and they'd try again the next day to 8cm dilated and contracting like a bitch in less than 3 hours - my pushing phase was only 17 minutes. I'm terrified DH will miss it. I wanted a damn epidural and I'm scared it'll be too late by the time there's space in delivery.

I'm so alone.

OP posts:
RuralLiving · 21/07/2022 21:40

I have nothing helpful to say, but saw your message and wanted to say there’s someone here x

ChaosMoon · 21/07/2022 21:40

I'm so sorry, this shouldn't be happening. I really hope they can get a space for you soon and some proper pain relief.

RuralLiving · 21/07/2022 21:41

Do you know what you’re having? Any ideas about names?

gnilliwdog · 21/07/2022 21:44

Yes, I'm here too. Where are you waiting? x

Americano75 · 21/07/2022 21:46

Oh, bless you love. At least you've got us holding your hand.

pjani · 21/07/2022 21:46

Thinking of you.

Can you forcefully reiterate that your husband needs to come and that your last labour was very fast? Message him now and get him to wait in the cafe if need be so he race up to you as quickly as possible.

You can do this!

burnedoutspouse · 21/07/2022 21:46

I'm sorry! It's so unfair when they try and shoehorn your labour into the available capacity when that's not how nature always works.

Stay near the red button and make as much fuss as you can when you need to. It's rubbish that provision isn't better.

Net123456 · 21/07/2022 21:47

Can you call your DH back to wait outside so as soon as you're on the delivery suite he can join you? Maybe facetime him for some support. I hope you get admitted soon

JuneOsborne · 21/07/2022 21:48

DH needs to hang out very near to the hospital!

Hope things improve.

Original poster
GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:48

Thank you.

@RuralLiving We're having a girl, naming her Kezia

@gnilliwdog I'm in the antenatal ward, in a bed. I just don't want to be alone and I don't understand why I'm alone.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 21/07/2022 21:48

Yes I second your DH coming and waiting at the hospital.

Undertheclouds · 21/07/2022 21:49

I don’t know if it’s much comfort but my husband missed the birth of our son earlier this year. I was induced and I don’t think the staff realised how quickly I was progressing. He wasn’t called until I was literally pushing, which was obviously too late as he was born 5 minutes later.
I would say advocate for yourself as much as you can. If you think you’re getting close, make sure they listen to you and check you. Don’t let them fob you off by being patronising when you tell them how much pain you are in!
If you really feel like you are getting close then have your husband come and sit in the car park, just in case. He can always do a mad dash up to the delivery suite.
Good luck, even if he does miss it you will be absolutely fine x

tealandteal · 21/07/2022 21:49

I agree, make a fuss that one husband has been allowed to stay while yours is been sent home. It’s so hard to make a fuss while your are in pain but if your DH can get there he can advocate for you. I’m sorry you are alone when you should be feeling relaxed and safe.

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 21/07/2022 21:50

Aw darling I’m here too! I had my 2nd in maternity reception because they had no beds and didn’t believe I labour fast. It’s crap!

but yay baby is on the way. Keep going. You can do it. Update us x

Minimalme · 21/07/2022 21:51

Beautiful name op!

This makes me so angry, why can't women have someone to advocate for them?

Anyway, maybe Kezia will grow up to become a leading women's rights
Campaigner and we will all thank you op for bringing her into the world Flowers

Olinguita · 21/07/2022 21:51

I'm so sorry you are alone. This is not how a woman about to give birth should be treated. Stay strong and keep us posted. Let us know how you and Kezia are doing (beautiful name by the way)

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 21/07/2022 21:52

Just wanted to offer you a hand hold. I had to give birth alone in similar circs in Nov and couldn’t have visitors either as the bastards decided to close the ward due to an alleged covid outbreak.

What helped me was realising I actually wasn’t alone, me and my baby were a team and we got her out together and survived the postnatal ward together.
It’s probably a bit fluffy but it gave us a really strong bond.

You can do this. 💐 You have already done this once. 💛 You shouldn’t have to and it’s not fair. Can you get any photos of DH on your phone or videocall him to feel like he’s closer?

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 21/07/2022 21:52

Have they checked to see how dilated you are to see if they can move you without the need for breaking your waters? I was induced with DD2 and was on the list to have my waters broke but then went in to labour and when I got to 4cm, they moved me anyway. Poor DD had only been home 5 mins before he had to set back off again because I went from 1cm to 4cm in less than an hour

pinksquash13 · 21/07/2022 21:53

Ahhh so sorry for you. The partners going home rule is such bullshit. If you're in labour you need support. I don't understand it at all. Try and kick up a fuss. Keep breathing through the contractions. Stay hydrated. Good luck. Hope your husband makes it.

Toothemoonandback · 21/07/2022 21:53

Advise the staff that you need your husband for emotional support, and that him not being there is increasing your anxiety. Most hospitals have portable gas and air canisters too, please let them know that between the minimal pain relief and being alone your are finding the experience distressing.

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 21/07/2022 21:53

Don’t worry OP I’m sure your DH will make it in time. My DH made it just as I was getting to the pushing stage - I was also induced and in the night they weren’t monitoring me, everything was slow until suddenly it all happened very fast but my DH came rushing in just in time!

good luck, and very soon you’ll meet Kezia in person x

Ontomatopea · 21/07/2022 21:54

Sending you positive vibes x

sakura06 · 21/07/2022 21:55

So sorry you're feeling alone. Agree that you should ask for your husband to be allowed if there is another husband there. Hope they can help you with the pain too.

MichelleScarn · 21/07/2022 21:57

oh its shite @GoTraine hope you and Kezia are as calm as can be, it's bloody ridiculous. Another hand hold here. (And all the YABU voters can have a MN ODFOTTFOFATFOSM 🙄)

Trinxsy · 21/07/2022 21:57

They did this to me in May. I went into labour at 30 weeks with my twins and i was contracting, agonisingly, for around 20 hours. They rushed me up to labour ward due to premature labour and wouldn't let DP in until I was laying down on the operating table for my EMCS. He made it by seconds. it's terrifying. Please please put your foot down