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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In labour and alone - hand hold please

314 replies

GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:36

I was induced earlier today. I just had a CTG and my contractions are between 50-80, every two minutes. Midwife said they'll break my waters as soon as I'm on delivery suite, But, there's no space on the delivery suite so I can't have any pain relief except paracetamol and, even worse, DH has been sent home because he's not allowed to stay unless I'm on delivery suite...and yet, they've made an exception for the only other woman on the ward so her DH is with her.

In my last labour, I was induced and went from them saying the induction had failed and they'd try again the next day to 8cm dilated and contracting like a bitch in less than 3 hours - my pushing phase was only 17 minutes. I'm terrified DH will miss it. I wanted a damn epidural and I'm scared it'll be too late by the time there's space in delivery.

I'm so alone.

OP posts:
SharonEllis · 23/07/2022 18:42

Congratulations! I hope you are resting and enjoying your beautiful baby I feel mortified I hit YABU by accident. Of course YANBU! When you have the energy I hope you feel able to complain as no woman should feel alone when giving birth.

SleepNeededZzz · 23/07/2022 18:48

This was my exact situation only a few weeks ago. Now cuddling my gorgeous newborn. They won’t pop your waters until you are 2cm. They also didn’t have room on the labour ward for me so DH had to go home. I just made sure they checked how much I was dilated regularly and I was so worried about not getting an epidural, but as soon as I was on the labour ward I was given an epidural, then they popped my waters. You have got this!!!! 💐

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 23/07/2022 18:49

😂 your gas an air update made me laugh. Congrats OP, enjoy your bundle of joy!

DinnerLadyPagan1 · 23/07/2022 18:50

Loved how this post turned out OP!
Wishing the best Life can give for your little one ♡♡♡

SleepNeededZzz · 23/07/2022 18:50

Ignore the last message!!! Congratulations!! 🥰❤️

Mandyjack · 23/07/2022 18:55

GoTraine · 22/07/2022 18:48

She’s here! Arrived at 5.30

Congratulations, glad your DH was with you in the end x

ifionlyhadacat · 23/07/2022 18:57

Congratulations!! How lovely to see your updates!

LaughingCat · 23/07/2022 19:25

Congratulations! Thank you for the lovely update. And also wonderful to see MN coming together to support ❤️

Hope you, DH and Kezia are settled with your other little one and doing well!

Hollywolly1 · 23/07/2022 19:31

Congratulations

SarahJane83 · 23/07/2022 19:33

I can’t believe this is STILL happening! Women should not be labouring alone no matter what. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Try and stay positive, I’m sure he will make it on time for
the birth. Thinking of you!

stimpy1 · 23/07/2022 19:40

This was me 10 years ago, call your husband and het him back and make a fuss. I'd had two super quick labours before yet they left me on the ward, ignored what I'd said and sent my husband home. I ended up ramming the trolley into the wall and shouting everytime I had a contraction until they moved me. 10 minutes into delivery suite I had my baby down the loo. Make a fuss. I am usually very placid but I was like a woman possessed. Good luck xx

Joysutty · 23/07/2022 19:41

Same thing happened to me - 37 years ago. My husband was sent home at midnight - my waters then broke - nurse phoned him to return + just as our baby entered the world - my husband walked into the delivery room. Was a mental decision then + it's the same for you now.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 23/07/2022 19:53

RuralLiving · 21/07/2022 21:40

I have nothing helpful to say, but saw your message and wanted to say there’s someone here x

100% with this lady OP 💜

AMKM · 23/07/2022 20:01

I hope you are OK and that your husband is with you now. Take care and enjoy your baby.

Silkal · 23/07/2022 20:10

Congratulations to you all. I’m so glad your DH was able to be with you xx

TheRosesAreInBloom · 23/07/2022 20:16

Fabulous update! Congratulations to your little family xx

jewishmum · 23/07/2022 20:19

I had to be alone due to having COVID last year, and as sad as I was that nobody could visit or be there, I also didn't even notice or need anyone because I was far too busy trying to overcome the pain of contractions and giving birth. I'd be asking why someone else's man is allowed though!

Theluggagerules · 23/07/2022 20:23

Congratulations to you both!

ParvuliThankYouDebbie · 23/07/2022 20:38

Good grief, same thing happened to me twenty years ago!

Anyway, that’s not important right now because…….You’ve got a little baby! Yay! And Kezia is a beautiful name ❤️ Congratulations to you all!

MummyDolly · 23/07/2022 20:40

Please please tell your husband to get back up there and kick off. I gave birth alone in 2020 and I think about it every single day as it angers and upsets me so much xx

MummyDolly · 23/07/2022 20:41

Oh just saw you’ve had baby 😍 congratulations xx

Spottingtwerps · 23/07/2022 20:48

TheLadyofShalott1 · 22/07/2022 06:33

I didn't reply earlier because you had gone quiet and I was too cross on your behalf. So I am going to have a little rant now, that you hopefully won't even bother with because you are cuddling your new born!

I had several babies, many years ago, all in different hospitals to each other.

All the midwives I had over the years treated mothers (and particularly their babies once born) as if they owned us and our babies.

They don't.

I'm afraid it doesn't matter how nice you think your midwife is - unless your husband knowingly has Covid or Monkey Pox - they should let him be there. He obviously hasn't got a contagious illness, or they wouldn't have said that he could come back in when they decide it is ok.

As well as not owning you, or any of your family, they don't own the hospital either.

It is a public building, being financed by the public. They are doing a paid job, in that publicly financed building. It is their place of work. Nothing more. Nothing Less.

None of the midwives there have the right to tell anyone's partner to go home, unless they are disrupting the other expectant Mums, or are actively getting in the way of the midwives doing their job. Please tell 'your' midwife that you are very distressed, and if your partner is not allowed back immediately you will be complaining to PALS, and the official complaints department at your hospital, as soon as they are open, and that as soon as you are back home you will be highlighting this policy with your M.P.

Having been a hospital nurse, I can tell you that that Dr's and hospitals actually take an M.P.'s involvement very seriously.

I am sure that to start with you will be very friendly while you explain to your midwife how distressed you are with not having your partner there. If she does not change her mind at that point then you need to tell her who you will be making complaints to in the morning. You should emphasise that you feel sure that your labour has slowed down because of how upset you are, and point out to her that her job would actually be easier for her, and safer for you and your baby, if your partner was there supporting you.

If she doesn't agree she, can explain why at her disciplinary hearing - but keep that last bit until she still stubbornly refuses to let your partner be there. I would be very surprised if she let it go that far.

In case you are worried that if you complain they will be nasty to you, or put your baby at risk, they really wouldn't dare (and hopefully they wouldn't want to). This is not a case of a chef spitting in your meal.

Good luck @GoTraine with the rest of your labour, and when baby arrives forget all of this neglect for now - but please don't forget once you are home and nicely settled with your baby. xx

This 👆🏻

This is exactly what I would do. You can't advocate strongly enough for yourself. I'm a clinical negligence lawyer though, if at mention my job, I usually find things happen.....🤭🤭🤭

Hope all is well OP

Mum2Be93 · 23/07/2022 21:16

I'm really sorry, can you get you DH to camp out in the car outside so he can get there asap. I'm sure itll all be okay it just feels scary when your in labour but try not to worry xx

toomuchlaundry · 23/07/2022 21:49

Congratulations @GoTraine

Might be useful if @MNHQ edit your thread title

diddl · 23/07/2022 21:50

Mum2Be93 · 23/07/2022 21:16

I'm really sorry, can you get you DH to camp out in the car outside so he can get there asap. I'm sure itll all be okay it just feels scary when your in labour but try not to worry xx

Op has had her daughter and her husband was there!