Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In labour and alone - hand hold please

314 replies

GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:36

I was induced earlier today. I just had a CTG and my contractions are between 50-80, every two minutes. Midwife said they'll break my waters as soon as I'm on delivery suite, But, there's no space on the delivery suite so I can't have any pain relief except paracetamol and, even worse, DH has been sent home because he's not allowed to stay unless I'm on delivery suite...and yet, they've made an exception for the only other woman on the ward so her DH is with her.

In my last labour, I was induced and went from them saying the induction had failed and they'd try again the next day to 8cm dilated and contracting like a bitch in less than 3 hours - my pushing phase was only 17 minutes. I'm terrified DH will miss it. I wanted a damn epidural and I'm scared it'll be too late by the time there's space in delivery.

I'm so alone.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 22/07/2022 03:22

You need to keep on pressing your buzzer, the ones who make the most noise get what they want, ring your husband to come & wait in the car park & ask for more pain relief or to be moved to the Labour ward, don't suffer in silence, don't ask if your husband can come in, tell them he is coming.

ackeeandpeas · 22/07/2022 03:34

I'm here. Hand hold. Thanks

Kezia is a beautiful name.

mrssunshinexxx · 22/07/2022 03:40

Hope you are ok.
If the other lady has her partner KICK OFF!

mrssunshinexxx · 22/07/2022 03:43

@Net123456
This this this

You need to keep on pressing your buzzer, the ones who make the most noise get what they want, ring your husband to come & wait in the car park & ask for more pain relief or to be moved to the Labour ward, don't suffer in silence, don't ask if your husband can come in, tell them he is coming.

You are giving birth not just going for a blood test , it's major. He need to advocate for you if you can't you will be flagging now. Xxx

PlantSpider · 22/07/2022 03:44

It’s inhumane, I’m sorry. It makes me question their ability to provide care at all.

CactusBlossom · 22/07/2022 03:45

Thinking of you!

tithonia · 22/07/2022 03:49

Sending positive thoughts!

Yogity · 22/07/2022 04:04

My labour was very similar and it was really upsetting to be so alone and for the midwives to be so worked off their feet that no one could support you really.

I was only given a suite and DH called when I broke down and cried. My labour had stalled because I was scared and then DH arrived and I was soothed and DD was born shortly after with 20 minutes of pushing. It's barbaric that your support person can't be there throughout, especially when they can sometimes help the process along.

Hoping your gorgeous baby girl is in your arms already.

ReeseWitherfork · 22/07/2022 04:16

Hi OP hope you’re getting on OK. I had a similar experience earlier this year. I’d been sent to a hospital over an hour away, DH has epilepsy and didn’t have his license at the time so he went and stayed in a travel lodge down the road, and I left and stayed with him. I was a bit panicky all night about what would happen with my labour but I’m glad I did it. Might be something to consider depending on your circumstances.

The induction process seems fucking crazy. The length of time some of the women on the ante natal ward had been waiting for a delivery suite should be criminal.

missmarplesapprentice · 22/07/2022 04:18

You need to keep asking. This happened to me a few months ago and I felt so alone. It makes me sick to think another woman is going through the same.
I definitely started panicking and my contractions were all over the place. Eventually I was told i could call my husband and have him come in as they could see I needed support they couldn’t offer and I would be moved to delivery. They then rescinded that option once he arrived (another lady needed the delivery suite more) so he was on one side of a door and I was on the other. I told them I wanted to leave and have my contractions in the hallway (it was 4am). There weren’t any delivery midwives free but they did put us in an empty delivery suite just so I could have his support. Can they do this for you? Unfortunately you do need to moan to them, whoever said the person that moans the loudest gets to go first is 100% correct. I saw it many time during the 5 days I was on the antenatal ward (many failed inductions). Hope you’re ok and have some support now.

GoTraine · 22/07/2022 04:33

I’m pretty sure labour has stalled now. I’m on the CTG and my contractions are all over the place, not as frequent or strong as before.

OP posts:
Stopsnowing · 22/07/2022 04:39

I would complain to the PALS unit at the hospital as soon as they open and i
woild tell the midwives now you are going to do that.

GoTraine · 22/07/2022 04:50

I really feel for the midwife - she is lovely. But there’s now three of us in this ward and I know there’s another ward with six beds that she’s doing and she keeps going to post-natal too. So she really is swept off her feet. She’s said to all of us in here that delivery suite simply has no space at all.

I can’t imagine I’m much more dilated than I was when DH had to leave, despite the many hours of contracting, but I don’t know how far that was because the midwife didn’t say.

Thank you for holding my hand

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 22/07/2022 04:55

I hope you’re ok, hopefully it won’t be long now. Nearly morning x

kateandme · 22/07/2022 04:57

Keep going op

Aintnosupermum · 22/07/2022 05:00

I’d be telling my husband he needs to get his rear end in and tell the covid hawks to bugger off. Then relax. The stress won’t help you.

If your labour has stalled can you roll on your side if hooked up to monitors or have a go on the birthing ball? I’d be having your husband to come in to run your back too.

During covid, of those who lost their job in the US, 88% were women. Childcare has been rolled back which makes it impossible to hold a job down. Giving birth without the father present is unacceptable and another example of the massive step backwards for women's rights.

queenatom · 22/07/2022 05:03

Here with you, OP! You're doing great!

Unfortunately your experience seems to reflect what a lot of people I know found with inductions - the sense that you are in a holding pen and the hospital have no interest in trying to actually advance your labour as no space. Not helped by being denied your partner to advocate for you. One of the reasons I opted for a C-section over and induction when I was told my baby had to come out ahead of schedule.

TolkiensFallow · 22/07/2022 05:33

@queenatom i was considering elective c section for similar reasons.

OP you poor thing. Try to get them to commit to a time when your DH can come back. I can’t see any reason he shouldnt be there in the day.

Angelil · 22/07/2022 06:07

Oh dear OP 😞I wish I could add to the wonderful advice and kind words you have already been given! hang in there xx 💐

queenatom · 22/07/2022 06:18

TolkiensFallow · 22/07/2022 05:33

@queenatom i was considering elective c section for similar reasons.

OP you poor thing. Try to get them to commit to a time when your DH can come back. I can’t see any reason he shouldnt be there in the day.

To be honest I have zero regrets about the choice I made - I had spent three days in the hospital already at that point trying to get my blood pressure under control (gestational hypertension which suddenly came on at 38 weeks) and the idea of a lengthy induction after that held no appeal!

TheLadyofShalott1 · 22/07/2022 06:33

I didn't reply earlier because you had gone quiet and I was too cross on your behalf. So I am going to have a little rant now, that you hopefully won't even bother with because you are cuddling your new born!

I had several babies, many years ago, all in different hospitals to each other.

All the midwives I had over the years treated mothers (and particularly their babies once born) as if they owned us and our babies.

They don't.

I'm afraid it doesn't matter how nice you think your midwife is - unless your husband knowingly has Covid or Monkey Pox - they should let him be there. He obviously hasn't got a contagious illness, or they wouldn't have said that he could come back in when they decide it is ok.

As well as not owning you, or any of your family, they don't own the hospital either.

It is a public building, being financed by the public. They are doing a paid job, in that publicly financed building. It is their place of work. Nothing more. Nothing Less.

None of the midwives there have the right to tell anyone's partner to go home, unless they are disrupting the other expectant Mums, or are actively getting in the way of the midwives doing their job. Please tell 'your' midwife that you are very distressed, and if your partner is not allowed back immediately you will be complaining to PALS, and the official complaints department at your hospital, as soon as they are open, and that as soon as you are back home you will be highlighting this policy with your M.P.

Having been a hospital nurse, I can tell you that that Dr's and hospitals actually take an M.P.'s involvement very seriously.

I am sure that to start with you will be very friendly while you explain to your midwife how distressed you are with not having your partner there. If she does not change her mind at that point then you need to tell her who you will be making complaints to in the morning. You should emphasise that you feel sure that your labour has slowed down because of how upset you are, and point out to her that her job would actually be easier for her, and safer for you and your baby, if your partner was there supporting you.

If she doesn't agree she, can explain why at her disciplinary hearing - but keep that last bit until she still stubbornly refuses to let your partner be there. I would be very surprised if she let it go that far.

In case you are worried that if you complain they will be nasty to you, or put your baby at risk, they really wouldn't dare (and hopefully they wouldn't want to). This is not a case of a chef spitting in your meal.

Good luck @GoTraine with the rest of your labour, and when baby arrives forget all of this neglect for now - but please don't forget once you are home and nicely settled with your baby. xx

70billionthnamechange · 22/07/2022 06:35

I'm furious on your behalf and really remembering my last in sept 2020 and it sounds like not much has changed. The midwives are so stretched, there's no anaesthetists, beds or pillows and blinds falling down (so everyone outside can see you pushing( and made up stupid rules left over from covid. Ugh I really hope yours isn't as bad as that, it just came flooding back to me that feeling of helplessness. Glad you're feeling better and soon you'll have a gorgeous baby in your arms

CallOnMe · 22/07/2022 06:57

I hope everything is going ok OP!

FWIW I gave birth alone too at 18 as I had no one to support me and it wasn’t too bad as it gives you time to focus on you and your baby.

I remember the midwife’s were so busy then too and I was checked on quickly about once an hour as they were so busy, this was 16 years ago. But I guess it makes sense that they wouldn’t stay the entire time.

I get DHs aren’t allowed on the ward at night but it seems unfair that another womens DP is there unless she was almost about to give birth.

How far away does he live?
How far along do you have to be for him to be allowed back on?

GoTraine · 22/07/2022 07:17

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your support and knowing so many have been ok with this. We don’t live close by but DH is staying very close by.

Contractions are barely there at all now. I assume they’ll check soon and see if I’ve dilated at all in the last 12 hours - I’m not hopeful.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 22/07/2022 07:18

I'm due to go for an induction tomorrow and this thread is terrifying me. Its so hard to advocate for yourself when in pain in labour. My last labour I had pains for days but once established it was super quick. Luckily my midwife listened as they were going to send me home as I was only 2cm but I emphasised how in pain I was and I really felt a pushing urge. The midwife agreed to let me go on the ward and said she would first go away for 10min then re examine. When she did, she found I needed to go straight to give birth and I only pushed for 45min. That was a natural labour on my scheduled induction day but now I'm worried if I am induced this time that as it will be slower process they will send husband home and I'll suddenly progress like last time. I might get him to book into a hotel close by as I don't want him to miss it.