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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In labour and alone - hand hold please

314 replies

GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:36

I was induced earlier today. I just had a CTG and my contractions are between 50-80, every two minutes. Midwife said they'll break my waters as soon as I'm on delivery suite, But, there's no space on the delivery suite so I can't have any pain relief except paracetamol and, even worse, DH has been sent home because he's not allowed to stay unless I'm on delivery suite...and yet, they've made an exception for the only other woman on the ward so her DH is with her.

In my last labour, I was induced and went from them saying the induction had failed and they'd try again the next day to 8cm dilated and contracting like a bitch in less than 3 hours - my pushing phase was only 17 minutes. I'm terrified DH will miss it. I wanted a damn epidural and I'm scared it'll be too late by the time there's space in delivery.

I'm so alone.

OP posts:
Freeasabird76 · 21/07/2022 21:59

Good luck OP you can do this,just think of that gorgeous little girl you will meet soon x

Original poster
GoTraine · 21/07/2022 22:00

Thanks for the support everyone. I spoke to the midwife and she said to just let her know if my waters go.

OP posts:
gnilliwdog · 21/07/2022 22:00

It's a good idea to tell your husband to wait nearby. Tell the staff you want your husband there too. Just keep telling them. Can you still easily speak? Try to do your breathing, you and your baby can do this together.

RuralLiving · 21/07/2022 22:08

Lovely name!

Americano75 · 21/07/2022 22:08

#TeamKezia!

HystericalDinosaur · 21/07/2022 22:11

Another one to say get your husband to wait at the hospital. My husband missed the birth of my son.
Also, you can insist on better pain relief. I had gas and air on an antenatal ward. Say you would like to discuss your pain relief options. You have rights.

hubadub · 21/07/2022 22:13

Does your husband have a car? How far is he away? Is there anywhere he can go in the meantime, or even camp about in the car?

deeplybaffled · 21/07/2022 22:14

Thinking of you. Agree to tell your husband to stay close, in the car park if he can. I too had a very short pushing stage and my husband only just made it in time, having nipped to the car to get the bags - madam was born in triage.
and yes to better pain relief. Ask, and keep asking if you need it

ijustcouldntthinkofausername · 21/07/2022 22:16

I had my baby in lockdown and was alone so I know how you're feeling but trust me you'll be fine and she will soon be here and you'll forget all about it. The other woman may have MH issues or something that they've had to make allowances for.
Don't worry mom you're going to have Kezia in your arms in no time and DH won't miss it and you will be so happy and content and in love I am so jealous you're getting this very soon I loved that moment 🥰
And I love the name choice Kezia so beautiful.
Good luck mommy ❤️❤️❤️

Mariposista · 21/07/2022 22:20

This seems so unfair. Nobody should be going through childbirth alone. I understand that some partners can get in the way and be PITA but this can be managed and there’s no need to punish everyone for the few. I agree with PP. Get husband to wait in the cafe and shoot up as soon as you need him. Good luck and hope you meet your little girl before the sun comes up.

SwanLake66 · 21/07/2022 22:20

Oh that sounds so tough for you. Definitely another one here for you. You've got this and I'm sure your husband will be with you very soon. Keep insisting. You can do it!

Phillpill · 21/07/2022 22:21

@GoTraine similar happened to me. I was allowed pethidine though, I demanded to see a doctor for pain relief and she allowed it, is this something you could ask? Although the pethidine didn’t help me much. It did help me sleep a little

usethedata · 21/07/2022 22:24

Thinking of you. And it is sad to say but does seem that the people who shout the loudest do seem to get a little more help. You shouldn't have to make a fuss, but if you do the please make all the fuss you need. My only regret about the birth of my first child was that I felt so vulnerable that I didn't make any fuss or fight for myself in a situation where I really should have!

AdaColeman · 21/07/2022 22:31

@GoTraine Do phone your DH and tell him to come back, you shouldn't be left all on your own.
Those rules sound very draconian, but you will come through smiling soon, in spite of the rules.
Thanks

Smokealarmwakeup · 21/07/2022 22:39

Do you feel comfortable kicking up a fuss for your DH to be there? Do you need us to help you plan what to say?

Good luck with the labour

Sparklybanana · 21/07/2022 22:40

I've been you. I was induced and they made my dh go home as nothing would start until at least 9am. I was lying there listening to the woman in the next bed as she was prepped to go up to labour ward and my contractions were as far apart as hers. I believed the midwife and thought it was going to be longer, despite the pain. I should have got my dh to come back then. I asked for an epidural and she looked at me as if I had the pain threshold of a gerbil and offered to run a bath and gave me some paracetamol. As I went back to the bed, I told her that I actually needed to go to the loo as I really needed a poo. Key word. Wheelchair, call husband, too late. Baby born 10 minutes later. Whilst I am frustrated that he wasn't there, it was beautiful to have that moment of just myself and my son.
It was only during the next labour that I realised I wasn't OK with being alone throughout the labour stages. If you need your husband there then get them to call him. If you google signs of dilation during labour, you can tell by the position of your bump, the ability to talk or not, how dilated you are. If you're close then push for your dh or tell them you really need a poo....

Herejustforthisone · 21/07/2022 22:42

It’s barbaric that women are still being made to do this alone. It’s also barbaric women are being made to go without proper pain relief because of what room they’re in.

user3193 · 21/07/2022 22:43

I hope you are ok OP. I laboured for 2 days on my own in hospital during lockdown. It was very lonely. I am so surprised this rule is still in place! Just keep thinking that soon you will have your baby in your arms. Best of luck, you are doing amazing.

picklemewalnuts · 21/07/2022 22:51

Try and remember you're only alone for the moment. I know it feels awful, but you have a partner who'd be with you if he could. He may be allowed back really soon, especially if you can get him to wait nearby.

I laboured on my own all night after being induced, they called DH in when things hotted up next day. He was there in time. Don't assume you'll be alone to the end, he'll be with you again soon.

VestaTilley · 21/07/2022 22:53

Oh sweetheart. I hope your DH is allowed in soon. Try not to worry too much. Can he sit in the car in the car park?

DH’s DSil had to give birth alone (with midwives!) as DBil had been sent home- but he was there very soon afterwards and it never affected bonding etc. Thinking of you.

Flidina · 21/07/2022 22:53

Why should you be treated any differently to the woman whose partner is allowed to stay? I'd be kicking off right about now, you need support and proper pain relief, it's ridiculous that this is still happening, can your partner/husband come to the hospital and advocate for you? Love your baby girls name by the way, good luck OP

Eeksteek · 21/07/2022 22:54

Virtual support coming you me way. I’d dense your husband back. If they can make exceptions, you need one too. Ask the other couple if they mind?

quietnightmare · 21/07/2022 22:55

It's a disgusting rule, your DH should be with you and supporting each-other. But remember you aren't alone your little girl is with you. You can do this! Stay strong.

Gazelda · 21/07/2022 22:56

My birth was very very similar. DP was sent home at 11pm, after I'd been induced that morning.

By the time the MW believed me that I was close, DP was tucked up in bed in a deep sleep and not responding to his phone. He eventually heard it and made it just in time.

I was also stuck on the ward and unable to get pain relief.

It's bloody ridiculous.

OP, I hope things are going well for you now and that Kezia is soon in your arms and your heart is full.

Seywot · 21/07/2022 23:19

Discharge yourself and leave. They are treating you less than cattle. There is absolutely no excuse for you to not have family as part of your birthing journey, policies are not the be all and end all.
Induction almost always leads to more procedures. You could get your dh to drive you to another trust or you could go home and ring the maternity team from there.
You deserve better.