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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In labour and alone - hand hold please

314 replies

GoTraine · 21/07/2022 21:36

I was induced earlier today. I just had a CTG and my contractions are between 50-80, every two minutes. Midwife said they'll break my waters as soon as I'm on delivery suite, But, there's no space on the delivery suite so I can't have any pain relief except paracetamol and, even worse, DH has been sent home because he's not allowed to stay unless I'm on delivery suite...and yet, they've made an exception for the only other woman on the ward so her DH is with her.

In my last labour, I was induced and went from them saying the induction had failed and they'd try again the next day to 8cm dilated and contracting like a bitch in less than 3 hours - my pushing phase was only 17 minutes. I'm terrified DH will miss it. I wanted a damn epidural and I'm scared it'll be too late by the time there's space in delivery.

I'm so alone.

OP posts:
Wife2b · 22/07/2022 07:25

hand hold OP, you’ve got this!

FolornLawn · 22/07/2022 07:36

Morning OP, checking in to see how you’re doing.

Brefugee · 22/07/2022 07:40

how are you this morning, OP? I hope you at least managed to sleep some.

In your shoes I'd keep repeating the request that your DH be allowed in. If you want to be annoying you can say that seeing another man there is upsetting you when you have to be alone? (hopefully they don't then just send him away)

Hope you have your lovely new baby in your arms soon.

ReeseWitherfork · 22/07/2022 07:43

Just to add to the people saying to advocate for yourself / make a fuss. They told me on day 4 that it wasn’t going to happen that day. I posted on here and got similar advice. I couldn’t bare to kick off to the lovely overworked midwife so told them I was discharging myself. I had no plan but I was exhausted and emotional and needed to get out of there. Miraculously taken to a delivery suite half an hour later.

diddl · 22/07/2022 07:47

Hope it works out OK for you Op.

My first came unexpectedly early at home & the midwife I had been seeing at the surgery & a paramedic were there.

Tbh there wasn't time to think about my husband!

Highfivemum · 22/07/2022 07:47

They did this to me and my DH a couple of years ago. We did as told and DH left the hospital. I was so so alone. Midwife’s were scarce and I was in a two bed room with another 3 ladies. Two on chairs and two on beds. It was appalling. One lady screamed and screamed and they allowed her DM to stay. The rest of us were alone. I literally went into a panic and decided to leave despite being in agony with contractions. All I was thinking was if I am out of here then I can be with my DH. ( my DH was a actually sleeping in the car near the hospital.) I called him and asked him to meet me at the front. As I was slowly walking to the door my waters broke and I gave birth 25 minutes later with my DH at my side. Thank goodness he was nearby . Please do not put up with this. It is awful what is happening to woman in hospital.

hand hold and all good wishes to you.

Bordesleyhills · 22/07/2022 08:01

I’ve refused induction at local hospital because of this- 10 days is the norm as they are so understaffed plus spending 10 days in bed away from 3 year old and family for their convenience isn’t mine. I think your anxiety is really starting and you need your husband..... good luck

Fraaahnces · 22/07/2022 08:04

I'm so sorry you're going through this without your DH. You must be exhausted as well as frightened. I hope things start to work asap.

KateRusby · 22/07/2022 08:05

Good luck OP. It's a tough situation but you're doing amazingly. Your beautiful daughter will be here soon. Wish I could go back to the first time I held both of mine! It really is incredible when you finally get to meet them.

CousinKrispy · 22/07/2022 08:06

I remember my induction....it took bloody ages! I actually didn't mind sitting around alone while nothing was happening and read a book 😂 but I'm sorry you feel stressed and lonely. Waiting and waiting....ugh. have they brought round the hospital toast yet at least?

Quia · 22/07/2022 08:09

OP, ask them why your DH can't be there given that other patients are allowed their partners. If necessary, phone PALs to get them to sort it out.

ladydoris · 22/07/2022 08:30

Hand hold OP, Hope it's all good by now.

IVbumble · 22/07/2022 08:41

It sounds hard OP that your partner cannot be there for you at this time & I hope that changes soon.

For every 30 midwives that complete their training 29 will leave due to the stress & unsafe working environment that exists in the NHS today.

It must be terrifying to be looking after so many women at any one time knowing the ramifications of making a mistake when you are working so hard - usually without any break in your 12 hr shift because there is no one to cover you.

Uncomplicated births were meant to move to home deliveries some time ago but this has not really happened due to the NHS breaking.

It might be helpful for us to think about who to vote for in the next election if we want the NHS to continue rather than be privatised by the Tories which would be catastrophic for those of us unable to afford health care insurance.

figmaofmyimagination · 22/07/2022 08:53

Sending you strength for today OP. Have you got access to a book or tv at all?

DangerouslyBored · 22/07/2022 08:56

So another woman has her DH with her but you don’t. Err, fuck that shit. Make a fuss, OP. After I had to put pressure on my midwife to test me for a ferritin deficiency after I presented with all the symptoms and my results came back as dangerously low, she actually congratulated me for being so pushy and said, “the squeakiest wheel always gets the attention in the NHS”. Get loud, get annoying, get pushy.

Zonder · 22/07/2022 09:36

I hope your DH is allowed back in soon and he can be with you.

PrivateHall · 22/07/2022 09:46

OP the CTG machine isn't a great way to assess contractions, its best to go by what you feel. It only measures them so the midwife can see what way your baby is reacting to the tightenings - not to in any way measure them or assess your progress in labour. The midwife could clearly see that labour hadn't established hence trying to send DH away for some rest so that he can really be present when things actually do kick off. I suspect you will both be grateful for that in the long run even if it doesn't seem like a positive just now. Good luck, this is all very typical of induction unfortunately, but you know you will have a baby very soon - most likely today or tonight - so yeh! Flowers

PearlClutch · 22/07/2022 09:47

Handhold, OP, and Newmumatlast.

You are far stronger than you think you are. Women are amazing!

Dasher789 · 22/07/2022 09:57

Hope all is OK op and you don't have too much longer to wait. I really hope your husband is allowed back. I think that's wrong.

Original poster
GoTraine · 22/07/2022 09:58

PrivateHall · 22/07/2022 09:46

OP the CTG machine isn't a great way to assess contractions, its best to go by what you feel. It only measures them so the midwife can see what way your baby is reacting to the tightenings - not to in any way measure them or assess your progress in labour. The midwife could clearly see that labour hadn't established hence trying to send DH away for some rest so that he can really be present when things actually do kick off. I suspect you will both be grateful for that in the long run even if it doesn't seem like a positive just now. Good luck, this is all very typical of induction unfortunately, but you know you will have a baby very soon - most likely today or tonight - so yeh! Flowers

Thank you - if you don't mind me asking, if I'm being induced and the midwife can clearly see that labour hasn't established then shouldn't they have put a new pill in? I'm on the six hour pill, not the 24 hour pessary, so they said if it hadn't worked then I'd need another one.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoTraine · 22/07/2022 10:00

Thedogscollar · 22/07/2022 00:01

@GoTraine

Hi OP. Midwife here. Ask the staff for Oromorph for pain relief, we give this regularly to our induction ladies. Try using the bath as well.

In my unit ladies who are being induced have their partners stay over as well so if labour is rapid they are there supporting you.

When you were induced did they tell you how far dilated your cervix was? Have you had Propess? this is like a small tampon inserted behind cervix and usually stays in for 24 hours. As this is your second labour they are often quicker and given your history on quick first birth I'd ask for your partner to come back to the unit.

I can't see why this is not possible he is there to support you so is actually helping out the midwives. If I was caring for you I'd be phoning him to come in.

Goodluck and if contractions get stronger ask if they can examine you to assess cervix for any progress re dilatation.

Thank you for your advice and perspective.

I've previously had oromorph (when I had my appendix out) and it made me violently vomit - it doesn't agree with me at all.

They haven't told me how dilated I am, I had prostin (I think it's called) - the six hour one.

Do you know how often they should be checking my progress? It's been over 12 hours since I was examined.

OP posts:
runningpram · 22/07/2022 10:04

this might be 'typical' @PrivateHall but it's not how things should be.
Personally think MN should do a campaign about these induction wards.
They're awful. The one I was in was grubby, with 12 people and some of their partners eating fast food. At the same time there were women pretty much giving birth in them with just a tiny curtain for privacy and in terrible pain.
At one point to get some privacy when I was really struggling with contractions and tlavoid the smell of KFC in the cubicle next to me I ended up going into an empty ward nearby that didn't have any beds. I ended up lying on the floor!

bubblesbubbles11 · 22/07/2022 10:05

thinking of you OP hope it all goes ok xx

stripey1 · 22/07/2022 10:13

I spent a lot of my labour on my own on antenatal without pain relief or anyone checking me, I feel for you. Someone said afterwards they probably would have examined if I had asked, so do ask if you want the exam. If there is no-one with you, do make sure you have the call bell right there in reach in case things ramp up. I feel strongly that someone should be with you and if they can’t provide a staff member they should allow your husband, for safety as well as for support. Sending you all best wishes.

Workawayxx · 22/07/2022 10:21

Hope you're OK, OP. You're doing amazingly. I'd ask the midwife again if your DH to be there and emphasise how quick your first labour was.

I had a similar situation where I was in labour on an induction ward, DP had to wait outside (Jan 2021) and I was having really strong contractions, no pain relief, scared and mopping up my gushing waters alone. I wish I'd pushed more for him to be there and been a bit less polite! It's really hard to advocate for yourself when you're so vulnerable, scared and in pain.

I agree @runningpram, it's the very opposite to a calm place to be in labour. I also have issues with how much you're pushed to be induced.