Haven't RTFT, but have read all of OP's posts, so not sure if this has already been said by another pp, but OP, you said that it's only since the two older children have started being at home less (or at all, for DC1) and you've only got DD16 left at home, that you've noticed how bad your 'D'H's behaviour is.
OP, I get it, I do. Our DC are roughly around the same as yours in age, and I also realise, now it's only DS17 at home (and only then for a short time before he hopefully goes to uni next year - and he's usually out with his mates or his girlfriend during weekends and holidays now) that I think it's going to have to be a re-learnt thing to spend more time together, just DP and me, without driving each other up the wall!
And that's when we still vaguely like each other! 😂 But, all jokes aside, OP, your situation is so much worse because you are now painfully aware there aren't just cracks, but whole chasms opening up between you and your H, and that much of his behaviour is sucking all the joy out of your own day-to-day life 🙁 The fact you've recently realise how controlling he is with you isn't surprising either - this was never going to be as simple as how to resolve 'burgergate'- if it was, you'd have dealt with it without needing to turn to MN to check it's ok for you to feel as you do about your H's behaviour.
I believe that's very common for issues to only erupt in a marriage once couples are forced to confront the reality that after the DC have left home and/or until the couple have both retired, because it's only then they are at home together for longer stretches of time without anyone or anything to distract them. In fact, isn't there a stat somewhere that says more retired people get divorced due to this?
Sending you unmumsnetty 💐and 
and a🤗