To be terrified that my 4yr old dd is starting school in September

[scorpiogirly]

Is it just me? The thought of sending her to school in September makes me feel sick. No parent should be terrified of their children starting school.

I'm speaking of the new RSE curriculum. Parents no longer have a right to opt out. Parents do not have the right to demand to see what their children are being taught. Dangerous ideology will embedded into every lesson.

5000 parents are taking the Welsh Government to court and the case has been accepted.

Schools seem to be following a script when met with questions about the new RSE. Safeguarding, age appropriate. Who decides what is age appropriate for our children?

I'm highly gender critical, I don't believe in any part of gender ideology.

My kids have always had totally appropriate RSE at school. A lot of talk about "different families", but I have no problem with that at all. I wouldn't even mind if my kids were told that some people identify as trans, so long as they weren't taught it as incontrovertible truth. Same as I don't mind when my kids learn that some people believe in God.

Honestly, don't panic about this before it's even happened.

The Catholic Church being infamously safe for children

Parents do not have the right to demand to see what their children are being taught.

Why would you need to ‘demand’? Our school is very open about it and encourage parents to ask questions if they have them. Have you tried asking them about it?

I think it’s really sad that you are letting this overshadow the exciting milestone of your DD starting school. RSE is such a comparatively tiny part of the curriculum. If you feel uncomfortable about some of the content, that’s you’re prerogative, but to feel ‘terrified’ isn’t reasonable, no.

You sound unhinged and hysterical. Schools are hardly bastions of hardcore ideology.

OP calm down. Being terrified of RSE is OTT. I would be more worried about hoping your DC settles in and enjoys school

Everything in RSE is age appropriate. In KS1 it's more about healthy friendships and people have different / blended families and that's ok.

At my school they hold meetings for parents about what they are going to cover in RSE. I have only attended one as I wanted to make sure they were going to cover and catch up everything that was potentially missed during lockdown.

My DC is 10 and they haven't talked about gender identification although I hope they cover it next year.

Children are very accepting and generally don't think anything of people being gay or different family set ups. It's only an issue when they are being told contradictory stuff at home.

OP get some perspective please and think about the positives of starting school instead. Wait til they start accessing some on the crap on TikTok etc in a few short years (and even if you don’t allow it they will watch it with friends)- they will see and hear things you don’t like throughout childhood.

I am well aware that people transition which I have no problem with. I do have a problem with it being pushed onto children. Some parents claiming that their 5 year old has come out as trans? I mean WTF? How does a 5 year old know what trans is unless it has come from their parents or school?

I believe there are people with genuine gender dysphoria and I support them but I do not believe the numbers are anywhere near as high as what is claimed these days. Transgender and Transsexual should not be conflated.

Terrified? Really? So the only thing you're concerned avout is that they'll learn about trans people? Whether you like it or not trans people do exist and I think it's good to learn that they do. You are free to give your daughter your own opinion on the issue and when she's older she'll make up her own mind. I really can't see anything terrifying about this at all.

There are people here sending their female children to Catholic schools to avoid what would be at most one school period on transgender issues?

I have 2 children near the end of primary school. No 5 year old are transitioning or even thinking about transitioning - or aware that it's a possibility! It's extremely rare at that age. Try and relax about it all. Transexuality is not really a big issue at primary school.

You’re being unnecessarily dramatic ‘terrified’ and ‘dangerous ideology in every lesson’ are very extreme terms about the idea that some men want to be women or vice versa. Why the fuck does it matter to you? It’s not going to be in every lesson. It’ll likely be once a term and age appropriate, just gradually introduced so people don’t have these frankly hysterical and extreme reactions in future.

The problem is not the school. It’s you. If you feel strongly about protecting women’s spaces or women’s sport, or whatever the excuse for transphobia is these days, then take action about them. And if you’re not, and you just want to control other people who are different from you, wind your neck in.

I was milky irked when my child came home with the ridiculous idea that God created animals. But she was five and is a well rounded child who has access to lots of real world experiences, adults to talk to and educational resources. She soon realised it was rubbish and not even widely believed these days. I didn’t go around panicking about dangerous religious ideology and I wasn’t terrified to send her to school. Even though it was irrefutably wrong and inappropriate. You will find this harder, because you are the one with the dangerous ideology, so it will be more difficult to brainwash raise your child in your image. But if you want to provide them with a wide range of viewpoints or even the ability to think for themselves about how to treat people different from you, it won’t be difficult, even if there is ‘dangerous ideology embedded in every lesson’. (Which there won’t be, FFS)

I am well aware that people transition which I have no problem with. I do have a problem with it being pushed onto children. Some parents claiming that their 5 year old has come out as trans? I mean WTF? How does a 5 year old know what trans is unless it has come from their parents or school?

You definitely sound like you have a problem with it - otherwise you wouldn’t use language like ‘terrified’. No on is pushing anything. You sound like one of those homophobic parents who think teaching children about sexuality can make their child homosexual. You can’t teach someone to be gay and you can’t teach someone to be transgender. They are not choices. It comes from within.

I have been scouring the website and can't fine anything like this on there.

Your poor daughter.

You really need to get a handle on your anxiety and emotions before it rubs off on her and she becomes aware. It's not fair on her to have this level of intense emotion associated with her learning at school.

@scorpiogirly it’s difficult but it does provide an opportunity to open a discussion about this and broader gender issues. For example, structural sexism, the ways in which society is organised around the needs of men, the ways in which gender roles can encourage people, men and women, to act against their own interests, how gender norms have advantages and disadvantages for society and individuals. Bit much for a 4 year old? Sure, But if school is opening the conversation it might be no harm to start thinking about what it is you want her to understand about the world as she grows up.
I know many people are fans of Glinner, and he has brought important issues to light, but from what I’ve read and seen of him he can be pretty sloppy on the factual details and seems to be prone to over interpreting and not being critical enough of secondary sources. Which is fair enough, his considerable expertise is in comedy writing not journalism, but I would definitely caution against taking his work at face value without other sources.

I would recommend “the Gender Knot” by Alan G Johnson if you haven’t read it already.

If she’s four, she isn’t of statutory school age, so you could defer and then look into home schooling, so that you are confident that your child will be taught in the way you feel appropriate.

When you refuse to use someone's pronouns, are you checking their genitals, or are you just being rude and unkind based on your perception of their gender? Because it seems not to fit well with your belief in the difference between sex and gender presentation. Hopefully your DC will learn some compassion and kindness at school.

@Eeksteek If you think protecting women's and girl's spaces is transphobic, it definitely says a lot about you.

I won't use any pronoun. I will just use their name if and when required to do so. It is just as rude to me to be expected to go along with gender ideolgy when i don't believe in it as it is to be misgendered.

So you never use pronouns for anyone? Must be tricky.

@SallyWD No, it isn't just this. It is other issues like talking about sexual pleasure at primary school age. It's lobby groups that are coming into schools to push their agenda etc.

To be fair to @scorpiogirly people worry more about children identifying as trans typically because of the clinical pathway associated with it which if incorrectly applied to a 5 year old could cause unnecessary medical complications down the line. I doubt it’s about the fear of their child being different or not conforming to societal expectations based on sex like it is for gay kids. You might think it’s an unreasonable fear but it’s not necessarily coming from a place of bigotry.

Also there are some children who mistakenly think they are trans but find later on that they are not, it used to be quite common among young people who were (proto?)gay. Perhaps it’s rarer now that gay acceptance has increased and there’s less of a taboo around gender non-conformity generally, but I’m sure it still happens and the pathway is such that there’s not “no consequences” for making this mistake.

I think you need to speak to the school. There is a lot of absolute rubbish in the media/social media about RSE. I teach year 2. Our relationships curriculum teaches only about relationships in terms of friendship. The furthest our sex education classes go are giving the correct names for all body parts, including but not restricted to, the correct names for genitalia and talking about the concept of "private parts".

Just keep an open and calm dialogue with your school. When PSHE starts, find out what provider they are using for the material and look into them, what their ethos is, affiliations of the people who run the company etc. Use Transgender Trend and other gender critical sites to help you word anything you want to discuss. Chat to your class teacher and find out how they will word references to the subject. I don't think, at R level, there will be anything to worry about at all. I chatted to my dd's Y2 teacher to make sure there wouldn't be anything anti-science or ideology led in their lesson on body parts. I also, without hysteria, just matter of factly, reaffirm boys and girls can wear anything and like anything and still remain boys and girls, that stereotypes like only girls have long hair, or only boys play football are silly, and I don't even suggest the idea that genitals are interchangeable. I like the picture book 'I am a Tiger' for introducing the silly and fun side of imagining you are something you're not. I also, in completely unrelated terms (as it is), have made the throwaway comment that boys can marry/love boys and girls can marry/love girls, because, you know, nothing to do with the transagenda.
Keep it all light and no drama with the child, be aware and on top of the material with the school.