to think this reply was rude?

[Heytheredeliah]

I messaged a guy a while ago on a dating app. I said 'Hi. how are you? :)'. He responded 'good u'. I unmatched him. Some people thought I was harsh for unlatching him, but I found his reply low effort and rude.

AIBU to think that reply was rude?

That's the sort of thing you would say to someone you know but not seen for a while. Put it this way If he had messaged you with that question how would you have responded? What would you have said to him?

Nah he wasn’t rude and YABU. There’s a difference between someone being rude, and someone not replying in the way you were expecting or think they should or because of how they write

So you're unclear about the type of message to send to him but at the same time you don't like his response to you? Maybe he was also unsure what to say to you as well?

YABU and sound very high maintenance! The fact that this is even something you remember a year down the line says a lot.

@NewBootsAndRanty and @butterflied who is Aidan? I’ve been on holiday and came back and his name has came up on a few threads. Hate to think I’ve missed another steak cut chips episode!! 🤭

What are some examples of more imaginative openers that OP should use in future, given the degree of criticism here? Surely for some people their perfect match is a person who can engage in a bit of small talk (and those who don't like it can unmatch)?

Lots of threads on MN are from women with partners who don't put effort into childcare or household and they are told they are the one to blame for having a baby with him.

This thread confirms that you'll also be criticized and blamed if you try to screen potential dates, perhaps with the goal of avoiding the above scenario.

Not rude, but he sounds a bit thick and yes it's a low effort response.

So, he’d clearly put time and effort into his profile and instead of reflecting that, using something from his profile as a conversation starter, highlighting compatibilities, shared sense of humour, whatever, you went with a low effort, generic, copy & paste, ‘hi, how are you?’ and you’re peeved he didn’t make a big effort in response? Maybe he looked at your message and thought “ffs, I have a detailed profile and she doesn’t even bother to mention one single thing from it? Fuck that!”

Rather than use a generic, more imaginative opener’, I’d suggest people open with something that shows they’ve actually read the profile and think they’d like to meet this person, have something in common etc. Once people have been OLD for any length of time, they can spot the low effort, copy & paste scattergun messages and anyone with any sense and standards will weed them out. Why should anyone make an effort in response to the op when she’s made previous little effort herself, despite having a good profile on which to to base her opener?

*precious little, not previous

At least you got a reply, which showed he found you attractive. The first messages, I used to get of "How's you", I would ignore. Lazy, blanket introductions would put me off. Not only that, it is dreadful grammar. Anybody, who tapped into info contained on my profile, would get a response and I would introduce myself to them in the same way.

Lots of threads on MN are from women with partners who don't put effort into childcare or household and they are told they are the one to blame for having a baby with him.

This thread confirms that you'll also be criticized and blamed if you try to screen potential dates, perhaps with the goal of avoiding the above scenario.

One would hope that most women would have the sense to see a middle ground between rejecting every possible date and getting knocked up before the coffee arrives.

He might have dodged a bullet.

@WomanStanleyWoman2 Of course I found it rude and weird that he talked about wanking off during lockdown to a stranger on a dating app

I meant the fact that he blocked you rather than the other way around. That seemed to bother you more than anything.

If he had messaged me that, I would have found it fine. I would have replied 'I am fine thank you. How are you?'

It actually bothered me more that told me about his lockdown activities. I found it laughable that he blocked me when I called him out on talking about that to me.

The ones I have spoken with on dating apps certainly have no filter. Christ, some of the weird messages I got

You need to improve your opening line. It matched what you said to him so I'm surprised you see anything wrong with it.

I have used many different opening lines, and I still found the most of the men on dating apps absolutely dire!

You are*

I would dump for not putting a comma after 'good'...

Brutal

There is nothing wrong with 'Hi how are you' as an opener. His response was a bit lacklustre but that might just be how he talks. The 'yeah I guess we could 'guy would put me off because he didn't sound at all enthusiastic.

All this aside, you can unmatch someone for whatever reason you want, to be fair.