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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this reply was rude?

174 replies

Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 20:27

I messaged a guy a while ago on a dating app. I said 'Hi. how are you? :)'. He responded 'good u'. I unmatched him. Some people thought I was harsh for unlatching him, but I found his reply low effort and rude.

AIBU to think that reply was rude?

OP posts:
PointyMcguire · 19/07/2022 21:07

I’d be happy you got a reply, back when I was OLD I ignored anyone who couldn’t make the effort to send a decent intro message and “hi how are you? :)” is as generic as they come.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:08

Eloise38 · 19/07/2022 21:06

I don't know why other posters are giving you such a hard time. I'd also be put off by someone who shows no manners and can't be bothered to type properly!

Finally someone who understands where I am coming from!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/07/2022 21:09

Get to the point. You won't engage with anyone who doesn't write in standard English.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:12

ilovesooty · 19/07/2022 21:09

Get to the point. You won't engage with anyone who doesn't write in standard English.

That's what I mean. I found his poor grammar and low effort response really off-putting. People who are saying my first message is low effort, but he made even less effort. If he was dyslexic, then I could of course excuse that. However his profile description was written in perfect standard English, so he clearly knew how to write.

OP posts:
LoveLimesoda · 19/07/2022 21:12

Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:07

The guy had written a bit about himself with relatively good grammar, so he clearly knew how to write.

Show quote history

Maybe someone helped him, or he used an App/software to aid him with his profile?

The majority here think YABU, yet you're firmly believing you're right...

If you said you just had a bad feeling, fair enough. But judging someone on matching your tone and interest, but with poor grammar, is off. You don't come across well....

CallOnMe · 19/07/2022 21:13

How long ago was this?

I get what you’re saying.

I would have at least put “good thanks, U?” but you can’t judge someone on one message.

Most guys send the same “Hi how are you?” to every single female and he may have thought you’d do the same so if you gave it another message he may have been completely different once he realised you’re not a bot or time waster.

What I do think is really odd though is why you’re still thinking about this.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:14

LoveLimesoda · 19/07/2022 21:12

Maybe someone helped him, or he used an App/software to aid him with his profile?

The majority here think YABU, yet you're firmly believing you're right...

If you said you just had a bad feeling, fair enough. But judging someone on matching your tone and interest, but with poor grammar, is off. You don't come across well....

Show quote history

Exactly.I just had a bad gut feeling

OP posts:
Ontomatopea · 19/07/2022 21:14

Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:12

That's what I mean. I found his poor grammar and low effort response really off-putting. People who are saying my first message is low effort, but he made even less effort. If he was dyslexic, then I could of course excuse that. However his profile description was written in perfect standard English, so he clearly knew how to write.

Show quote history

He might have had help or loads of time to perfect that. Anyway he's not the one for you.

Ontomatopea · 19/07/2022 21:15

Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:14

Exactly.I just had a bad gut feeling

Show quote history

Then that's fine. Just go with your gut feeling but no you're dissing his grammar on the Internet.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:16

CallOnMe · 19/07/2022 21:13

How long ago was this?

I get what you’re saying.

I would have at least put “good thanks, U?” but you can’t judge someone on one message.

Most guys send the same “Hi how are you?” to every single female and he may have thought you’d do the same so if you gave it another message he may have been completely different once he realised you’re not a bot or time waster.

What I do think is really odd though is why you’re still thinking about this.

It was last year. It popped into my mind recently because I was talking to a friend about online dating

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 19/07/2022 21:16

Oh my word... he's dodged a bullet here!

Herejustforthisone · 19/07/2022 21:17

I haven’t RTFT and I’m sure others have said the same, but I’d have unmatched on the lack of punctuation and ghastly use of the text speak ‘u’, alone.

User2145738790 · 19/07/2022 21:17

Why are you still giving this head space? Move on and find some one who meets your preciousness standards.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:18

Ontomatopea · 19/07/2022 21:15

Then that's fine. Just go with your gut feeling but no you're dissing his grammar on the Internet.

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Surely if his grammar was bad (and my grammar is not perfect), he could have just said 'Good. How are you?'. If he didn't know how to write it properly, he could have just mimicked what I said

OP posts:
Namechangehereandnow · 19/07/2022 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LoveLimesoda · 19/07/2022 21:20

Exactly.I just had a bad gut feeling

...but then why post a thread about his specific reply, and comment on his grammar?

It's a shame you're judging entirely by his text, which may not be a reflection of him in any way.

Thank god I didn't judge my DH like this!

Aprilx · 19/07/2022 21:21

Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 20:41

Because saying 'good u' in response is just rude in my opinion. I would have happily asking him many questions if he had responded more politely.

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He might have happily said a bit more if your opener had been more interesting.

I wouldn’t have bothered answering “Hi how are you?” at all.

susiebluebell · 19/07/2022 21:21

To me, that's the type of response you get when you bump into a vague acquaintance... It says nothing and the fact that he's used text speak and zero grammar means it took about 1 second to write. I've done a bit of online dating and definitely DID pick people based on their writing. Just one of the dealbreakers for me.

NotSoSlimShady8 · 19/07/2022 21:21

dunno how it makes you precious 💁‍♀️ I’d have unmatched him too 100% . You can’t elaborate on ‘good u’ … complete lack of personality IMO

Lalalaleeloo · 19/07/2022 21:22

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/07/2022 21:03

I recognise the username but can't place why.

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Steak cut chips?

Govesdancingpartner · 19/07/2022 21:23

Have you ever asked yourself why you are on your own? Did you want him to ask you to meet up?

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 19/07/2022 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Confusion101 · 19/07/2022 21:24

I used to get the ick from guys who used words in the wrong context, but ironically my DP is the worst for it and I just think it's the cutest thing ever! It has never bothered me once with him! 🥰 I know they say there are plenty more fish in the sea but at that rate....... Enjoy the single life....

Itloggedmeoutagain · 19/07/2022 21:25

This is precisely the point of OLD though. You knew straight away he wasn't a match so it wasted no one's time.
Job done.

Original poster
Heytheredeliah · 19/07/2022 21:25

Govesdancingpartner · 19/07/2022 21:23

Have you ever asked yourself why you are on your own? Did you want him to ask you to meet up?

Yes, I have asked myself that. If his spelling was wrong or his grammar wasn't perfect, but he had put more effort into his reply, I would have been fine with that. I just found 'good u' so low effort

OP posts: