To think there should be a point at which they trust my judgement?

[UndertheCedartree]

Genuinely, asking this question. I'm a bit confused and not sure if I've really messed up. I don't want to drip feed but equally don't want an essay so I'll try to give the important information and happy to clarify if necessary.

Starting 5 years ago my 2 DC (15 & 10) have been under Children's services Child in Need. This happened as I had a mental breakdown. The case was closed about 6 months ago. Due to abuse in my childhood from my dad one of the stipulations was that they couldn't be alone with my parents. My parents live in a different country and due to Covid we've not seen them much over the past 2 years. My mum is keen to get to know her grandchildren better. We arranged that today my mum would pick up my DD from school (in her car with air con) and take her to the cinema (more air con.) I thought as the case had been closed and my mental health is much better (in terms of me being able to make a judgement) that this would be ok. But I've just found out Children's Services are opening their case again due to this. What do you think? I love my mum and want her to see her grandchildren, but maybe we should have planned for me to go along?

Well, I clearly do as I have parental responsibility.

DD had a lovely time with her granny today.

If it wasn't considered abuse then SS wouldn't be so concerned. I think you're minimising what happened and need to stick to being there when your parents see your children

I don't think she was aware, no. I have explained this in detail. Maybe I was wrong but I was just a child. Also as I've said noone has spoken to her about it so maybe she still isn't aware. Believe it or not, it doesn't change the reality.

I have spoken to the SW and she was happy with my judgement. So obviously my choice was fine.

I am sure she did. Slow clap for you

I realise that and have said that. It was abuse. But I find it hard to talk about. And yes, I will stick to being there - probably only one more occasion and I'd be there anyway. But SW has said it's fine for my mum to see DC alone. It is rare for that to happen anyway so not an issue imminently, anyway.

Why slow clap? Isn't my DD worthy of having a nice time because she's been under Children's Services in the past? Some posters are so mean and don't seem to realise this is our real life. It's been really hard for all sorts of reasons over the last few years. I'm happy that we all had a nice time.

Your dd would have a better time if her mother protected her from identified abusers, but you keep going op. I think you have had the general response/consensus on here - just ignore it and carry on.

Yes, I have. The general consensus was I should go too which I did. So hardly ignoring. Since then the duty SW phoned and said it was fine for DD to be alone with my mum so would have been ok anyway. My mum is not an abuser. If she was why are CS happy for her to be alone with my DC? Don't make silly comments if you haven't read the thread.

I suspect you're being deliberately obtuse. Which is probably better than the alternative, but not by much.
🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope. Everyone on here has told you to keep your dc away from your dp. I hope you get the help you need

I genuinely can’t believe how lightly you are taking this. I’m really not trying to rub it in but it is totally understandable why people are concerned about your decision making.

Nope, I'm autistic. I don't play the kind of games NT people did. Why can't we be happy? We went out and had a nice time. CS confirmed it was all ok and my judgement was correct. Why can't I be happy about that?

Oh, so those people know better than the social worker who knows our case? Cos from what I read I should do what the social worker said? Which is it?

But is it when Children's services have said my judgement was correct?

Why on earth did you start this thread? . You've been snarky and arsey and so convinced you are right, it's hard to see what your motivation is.

Just because you once crossed the road without looking and didn’t get run over doesn’t mean that it is safe to cross the road without looking. And the same applies here, one uneventful outing does not guarantee that your children will always be safe. For all you know your mum has been told by your abuser to play a waiting game to persuade you that the children will be safe, seems to be working too. It’s called grooming.

To ask should there be a point CS trust my judgement? I have had lots of lovely posters give me help and advice and be kind. Others like to just put the boot in. Unfortunately, it's always the way. As it is it seems I did make the right judgement as decided by the professionals who know our case. But posters who have been telling me I should listen to the SWs all of a sudden change their mind when it turns out their appraisal of the situation was wrong. Surely it's a good thing that actually I can make a good call.

Your dm was not able to keep you safe from abuse, so it makes sense to be concerned about her ability to keep your little one safe from abuse.

I'm sorry, but you're really not getting it. Children's Services have said my call was correct. Nothing to do with an uneventful outing. You are making up a story that has nothing to do with reality. This was not a plan concocted by my dad! He had nothing to do with it. I mean honestly, why did he not do anything in the past when he could get away with it as CS were not involved. Why all of a sudden now he wants to get my DC alone so he can hit them and then never see them again??

Yes, I know. But CS do deem it safe. I have been told to listen to the SWs. I have. But to be on the cautious side I went along with DM and DD.

CS will trust your judgement when you start facing up to the truth and protect your children, not your parents.

Well, except they already do. They said my judgement was correct.

What have I done to protect my parents? Gone low contact, followed advice from SWs, never let my dad alone with them. I get some people think that isn't enough (Children's services don't agree with them) but it's hardly protecting my parents?

In this instance, it was fine but I think it's the refusal to accept that your mum was an accessory to the abuse which is giving people pause. And the fact that you hasn't considered anything like 'what if your dad had arranged to meet your mum at the cinema?'

The best thing to do is. It to let your mum see your children alone. It protects them anc it protects you.