AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

[Jusrollinstones]

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

But why should OP's husband have to tolerate this behaviour from this woman?

Totally agree there. My Irish relatives say Brits are too polite and awkward mostly to tell nightmare persons where to go. Mostly anyway.
Middle-class manners are bane of social situations is BFs sage advice.
(He finds these type of threads highly amusing. Me I just go wtf??)

Yeah, you lose your BBQ-invite privileges if you publicly and repeatedly throw yourself at the host's spouse and invent stories about their marriage.

If she doesn't like it - well, tough. Not your problem.

I wish you would invite her to another event, with DH, and film or live tweet it. 😂

i totally agree. be open about it to everyone

I would point out to your friends that your husband shouldn't ever have to feel uncomfortable in his own home. He should be free to relax and enjoy the party.

Surely if DH isn't there it’s safe to fill her with drink and then ply her for intel?

intel on what exactly?

Intel on what? How much she wants to get into the OP's husband's pants?

Reframe this - would you honestly extend your hospitality to a man who had been pursuing your female friend / cousin / colleague / sister etc to the point of harassment and then have a nice tipsy chat with them? Seriously?

Well, she has reaped what she sowed. Hasn't she?

Can you not see the irony in your statements?

It would be morally wrong, imo, to exclude someone for something they can't help or simply because they're not your favourite person, such as someone who's slightly boring to talk to or just a little awkward. Someone who goes out of their way to talk about you and try to break up your marriage? Of course you don't invite them into your life! If anyone in the group is upset, they can boycott the BBQ or agree to host a BBQ for everyone, themselves.

Your event, your choice whom you invite.

Please don't hold it until there has been a bit of rain beforehand to dampen grass etc.

This is what I am worried about. And I’m not keen on confronting her for the same reason.

So for politeness sake you'd let a woman who behaved how she has into your home? That's madness OP, grow a spine!

So for politeness sake you'd let a woman who behaved how she has into your home? That's madness OP, grow a spine!

This a thousand times over. Good grief, op, this woman's behaviour has been reprehensible, and you're concerned about "drama." I would welcome a confrontation with her. Don't be a doormat.

Thirded.

Stop being a wet lettuce. Stand up to this behaviour. No wonder there are so many badly behaved people when people tolerate everything because they must be so so polite.

You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with OP, this is the important thing to remember.

That means you don't need to invite her at all but it also means you are in no way obligated to confront her just because some people not involved in the situation say that's what they'd do. You don't have a moral obligation to teach this woman a lesson.

In real life there is a huge spectrum of things you could do here which would neither result in exclusion or confrontation of this person. You have to act in life in a way which you can make peace with. If you feel like being the bigger person and not excluding her because she's an idiot, then good on you. If you wish to no invite her because or her reprehensible behaviour, then good on you.

I don't personally see any benefit at all in inviting her under the guise of good faith and then confronting her though. But I guess, as above. Do what your heart is telling you to.

I'd create a whole bloody load of drama! She's been sexually harassing your DH and you need to use those terms. It might be causing a laugh (using the nickname Randy Mandy) but were it a man harassing a woman, it would be a different kettle of fish. Create a drama by all means.

Not inviting her will only create drama is she initiates it, though? And if she does, I'd close it down by pointing out that not being invited was because she was badmouthing you and harassing DH. Consequences. It's what we teach children, and adults who refuse to act like adults.

To be honest though "Randy Mandy" would probably be a better geust than "Bendy Wendy" ...

Make of that what you will ...

Invite messages have been sent out without one to “Mandy”. (Or Bendy Wendy or Horny Dawnie!)
Thanks for all the comments and votes that helped make it easier to do that.

Good job! Hope you have a wonderful time!

Good on you OP! Actions have consequences, Randy Mandy.

I feel sure you've written about her before and that this woman has been openly mouthing about wanting to dress up to the nines to turn your partner's head as she believes he fancies her.

I wouldn't invite her.

Good. And if anyone raises it, tell the truth about ehy. The less we all tolerate behaviour like this, the pess they will do it (eventually). Plus it is showing you are standing up for your oartner being made uncomfortable and your relationship.