AIBU to not invite “Randy Mandy”

[Jusrollinstones]

AIBU to not invite to a BBQ a woman who is chasing my DH?

I’m organising a BBQ at my house for my walking group. A few months ago at the pub, one of the women got drunk and threw herself at my DH. I wasn’t there but DH told me immediately, and friends who saw it also told me. Since then she has tried to flirt with him at every opportunity. She has messaged him and he showed me the message and that he has blocked her. She has also bad mouthed our marriage, saying to a few friends that DH has confided in her that he’s not happy at home and she thinks she is in with a chance with him. Friends have said she makes a habit of this with married men and call her something similar to “Randy Mandy”.

I don’t want to exclude one person in the group from the BBQ, but I really dislike this woman. AIBU to not invite her? DH wont be there.

In your shoes I might be tempted to invite her and imply that your DH would be there. Then when she turned up, apologise loudly for her disappointment and say something like "I know you think you were in with a shot there, but sadly DH couldn't be less interested, shame you've been wasting your time panting after him for so long".

Could you invite her and when she asks why your DH isn’t there, tell her it’s because he found out she was coming?

Of COURSE you don't invite this ghastly bint. Why WOULD you ???

No, you can’t invite her. Think about it like this, if you invite someone around who is not nice to you and that you really do not like, what message does that send to the people you do consider friends?

I think not inviting her creates more drama personally.

Good question.

The only reason you're even thinking of invite her is because you enjoy the drama, as evinced by the moniker Randy Mandy.

Well presumably via the walking group; The DH could also be involved or perhaps they keep records of NOKs in case of any accidents etc on trips.

I wouldn't invite her. She is basically sexually harassing your DH isn't she (any unwanted sexual behaviour including sexual advances IS sexual harrassment).

You won't enjoy your own party if she is there, so I would just not invite her.

If she asks why then spell it out to her, it is because she has been spreading lies about you and your DH.

If others ask why, then tell them the truth. People don't want to get involved, but they will soon care when she moves on to the next DH.

It is your house, your party, your invites.

It could affect the group dynamic as a whole, but you can deal with that if/when it happens.

If someone asks why you didn’t invite her you just say “Oh, I didn’t think of it.”

Polite people won’t ask, unless they are close to you.

Everyone does not have to be invited everywhere.

To be honest I haven't reads all the threads but I do wonder sometimes why people don't just speak to other people about their concerns...I would speak to her directly and ask her why she is contacting your husband in the first place and why she is bad mouthing your marriage and tell her neither you nor nor DH are keen on her throwing herself at him....not sure why that's such a hard thing to do?

I'd invite her and publicly tell her to stop dicking around....but then I am horrible.

True at age 10. Not as an adult.

Christ, no, don't invite her ever.

The only reason for lying is to protect that woman, why?

Party guest : Why didn't you invite Mandy?

OP : Because she made a pass at my husband and told lies about our relationship.

Simple and truthful.

normally I am against excluding 1 member of a group but equally I would not have a woman who is trying desperately to sleep with my husband around to my house.

Desperate Doris. Breakup Betty. Marriage Trasher Tasha.

Whatever it is some people prefer their conquests to be attached. Make it clear her behaviour is why she's not invited. Your friend obviously loves to stir and maybe wants shit for you. I'd be icing her out too.

Hi all new here.

My advice stay away from her.

BF worked at supermarkets with large amounts of women in his section. The stories he has told about types like Randy Mandy are almost unbelievable - until you meet some of them!

Get alcohol into them and they can try it on with any available thing in trousers - and/or skirts too! - terrorize meek targets and can cause endless dramas.

Imagine a pack of 20 something laddettes harassing a newly started collage lad aged 17 at pub after work & you get some ideas.

Then BF as supervisor has to defuse situations that arrive next working day. This was in pre Covid so some may quiten down now. But if your all at all concerned just say a firm no.

Your place, your rules. End of.

This is part of the reason I dont go on MN much any more.

I have much more difficult problems to solve than this in rl, and some other non problems on MN, every day of the week.

Obviously you don't invite her. It would be weird if you did. This woman is not a friend to you, don't be a doormat.

It's not a children's party where you're excluding one child from a class of 30.

I would invite her to my house just to observe how far she will go with my husband and what his reaction will be to her,
id want to see if hed shut her down without my intervention

Ill also inform my brothers,sisters and aunts of the situation and they will all take turns making her very uncomfortable
but thats just me...😁

Using BFs phone at moment - laptop overheating: he reminds me of his neice's friend at her sixteenth three years back.

Not even eighteen, drunk at skunk and had to be escorted to lay down by older females there, due to lewd behaviour in garden, telling grandfathers in there seventies she had no knickers on and dry humping a sofa arm.!
I saw only rail end of this & deleted it from mind. I felt so sorry for her afterwards & hope she learned from those mistakes.

Other threads have had people saying it is wrong to not invite one person from a group. And one of my friends in the group said the same.

Usually it would be- if you didn't want to invite them because they had a grating laugh or you can't stand the way they nibble their sandwich. Something trivial. But this woman wants to fuck your husband, and has told people her intention to do so. You can't possibly invite her to a party!!!!

Quite. And why should the husband have to put up with this behaviour- pursuing after you’re blocked is heading into harassment territory.
A woman much younger than me was attempting to drape herself over my husband a few years ago. I breezily didn’t react or go over as I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. He ended up calling me over and fleeing, leaving me babysitting the drunk girl. 😂
Some men are deeply uncomfortable about conflict with women and the potential to be seen as aggressive. I’m not angry or a bunny boiler, in fact I found the whole thing funny, but I’m not going to leave my husband in a situation where he’s getting harassed when I can help out.

Would you be happy for your husband to invite a guy who has been pursuing you to your discomfort, made up lies about your relationship so he could observe your interactions? I think that's harsh tbh