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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

308 replies

Holidayplanisshit · 18/07/2022 18:08

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 19/07/2022 08:43

Rememberallball · 19/07/2022 08:04

I can quite see how the OP can do it all on a budget!!

I’m so confused - aren’t you the OP with a name change? Are you talking about yourself in the third person?

Anyway, the main problem you have is not the cruise or the FIL’s house or the twin toddlers, it’s that you appear to have married an absolute manchild who seems incapable of anything useful - can’t drive, can’t cook food his children will eat, can’t look after his children, isn’t capable of sufficient empathy to understand why his proposed holiday might not be fun for his wife - and you seem completely untroubled by most of this 🤷🏼‍♀️

TiddleyWink · 19/07/2022 08:49

I’m always baffled by people who consider that going away in any way, shape or form is always better than being at home. How miserable would your home life have to be before it’s appealing to go and spend time with toddlers in what sounds like an unhygienic scrap yard?! If something is awful then being free isn’t a reason to do it! Staying at home is also free, and some people like their comfortable, safe and well located homes. You’d have to pay me to go on this trip, never mind just remind me that it’s free. Which it’s not btw, fuel costs a fortune.

5foot5 · 19/07/2022 08:49

I haven't RTFT, just the OPs posts, so sorry if this has already been suggested. But wouldn't the best and cheapest solution be for your DH to take time off work, invite his Dad to stay at yours and for you to have a staycation.

It sounds like you live in a much more suitable place for holidaying with young DC.

Advantages are:

-He gets time off work and gets to spend it with his DF and family

-There are things to do with the DC for days out.

-With him at home there you can surely ask, insist, that he does his share of childcare so that you get a break too. Maybe even a day to yourself somewhere.

He may not immediately see the upside of that last one.

On a wider point it sounds like you have 3 children to look after not two

ReneBumsWombats · 19/07/2022 08:50

Rememberallball · 19/07/2022 08:04

I can quite see how the OP can do it all on a budget!!

Why are you talking to yourself?

bruffin · 19/07/2022 08:51

Orangello · 18/07/2022 18:31

I have such fond memories of similar holidays when I was a child.

But does your mum? Besides, twins are toddlers, very unlikely to remember anything.

OP, as a pp suggested, if DH thinks it will be such a lovely relaxing holiday, he can go and take the kids.

A cruise with 3/4 year olds sound more of a nightmare than the holiday with FIL.
OP just doesnt want to go and making excuses.
MN are weird about holidays with little ones, I just dont get the downer they have on them. We had lovely holidays when our dc were tiny were fun even the one without a cot and highchair. DD had to sleep on 2 armchairs pushed together. We always went self catering and usually ate out in evening.

SleeplessInEngland · 19/07/2022 08:52

How old are the children? Is it actually the kind of holiday they would like? Surely going for just a few days isn't so bad.

(I wouldn't have thought a cruise would be great with small children either, but I assume if you've booked it you know what you're doing on that front.)

stayathomer · 19/07/2022 08:56

Lovemusic33

And if you can’t afford a £2000 cruise why go? We are low income and never spend more than £500 on a holiday, yes we stay in the uk (Wales being one of our favourites), we often camp or slum it in a travel lodge or caravan but the kids have always had a great time.

your holidays sound fab but just to let you know we booked a year in advance last year for a campsite (mobile home) in Italy. It was a grand total for 2 weeks and that’s euro so just in case you do ever want to go abroad the option is there if you book enough in advance (as obviously a week would have been 500 and we got really cheap flights, on Ryanair in a sale)

Rememberallball · 19/07/2022 08:57

ReneBumsWombats · 19/07/2022 08:50

Why are you talking to yourself?

I’m not - just someone with similar family set up (pre school twins) who knows the cost of cruise holidays having done 35 over the last 16 years; know the cost of insurance and added travel as mentioned by the pp who brought up travelling to airports, parking etc.

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2022 09:00

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 18:41

YANBU... but also, a £2k holiday?! Is this really what people spend? The only holiday I've ever taken that cost anything like that was my honeymoon. And I would consider us to be at least a medium income household (combined income £100k+). Is this what people typically spend on a holiday?

We spend a shit load more than that on each holiday but I am not sure how that information helps OP
Dont do it OP, sounds awful for you and the kids or agree to a long weekend tops

Thinkingblonde · 19/07/2022 09:05

He obviously wants to see his dad which is perfectly fine and you say FIL is lovely so could you compromise and go five days up to a week?
10 days to a fortnight is too long, for all of you: for the reasons you’ve stated above, and also possibly for FIL.
Your partner does 50% childcare, he’s a father now and it’s not all down to you while he stays in the garden chewing the fat and drinking with his dad, reverting back to his childhood.
FIL sources a stair gate,: buy, beg, borrow or a second hand one would be fine. Or you get one and take it with you.
Take food you know the kids will eat, if it’s nuggets and chips, it’s fine, it’s not for ever and they’ll be fine.,
During the week plan a couple of days out around the area, (FIL might be glad of a bit of time to himself )
It’s doable but make it so.

Orangello · 19/07/2022 09:07

A cruise with 3/4 year olds sound more of a nightmare than the holiday with FIL.

A child-friendly cruise with all the entertainment and services plus all cooking and cleaning done, vs a not childproofed house without kitchen and bathroom, where there's nothing to do for kids, dad that doesn't do anything and FIL that doesn't interact with children? I'd certainly go for the cruise

aSofaNearYou · 19/07/2022 09:10

A cruise with 3/4 year olds sound more of a nightmare than the holiday with FIL.
OP just doesnt want to go and making excuses.
MN are weird about holidays with little ones, I just dont get the downer they have on them. We had lovely holidays when our dc were tiny were fun even the one without a cot and highchair. DD had to sleep on 2 armchairs pushed together. We always went se

entropynow · 19/07/2022 09:11

@surreygirl1987
Our combined income is less than 60k and we can easily spend 2k on a European break if you include trips and meals
Faux shock stealth boasting not a good look.

aSofaNearYou · 19/07/2022 09:12

Sorry didn't mean to just copy that.

Why would a cruise with toddlers be a nightmare, though? People keep saying that without really giving a convincing argument for why.

Meanwhile it is quite obvious why following two toddlers around a scrapyard/stream wouldn't be at all fun for an adult - especially if her DH isn't equally on the ball. What does the parent get out of being in a scrapyard, anyway? Nothing, whereas the cruise could hold some appeal to all of them.

Orangello · 19/07/2022 09:15

HandScreen · 18/07/2022 21:07

Yes, my whole family has similar happy memories, because we not horrors to live with.

Ah see OP, this poster knows that the only issue is you're a horror. 🙄So all you need to do is fix that and you can easily enjoy 2 weeks of running after bored toddlers, making sure they don't drown in the stream or fall down the stairs while you do all the housework, just in someone else's house. Lovely memories!

TenoringBehind · 19/07/2022 09:15

Go for a weekend rather than 10 days (which is too long to stay with anyone else). You’re aware of all the potential hazards and dangers but most/all of them will be ‘what ifs’ and won’t actually happen.

cruise with young children sounds horrendous to me but each to their own!

Darhon · 19/07/2022 09:17

Rememberallball · 19/07/2022 08:00

Annual insurance for us as a family is under £150; fuel (at current prices) around £100 round trip; parking £5/day at friend’s house (she provides holiday parking at that price but has also said she’s happy to waive it for us) taxi to port from her house around £8; spending money is being saved at same rate as money to pay for cruise and will more than cover meals ashore (all meals onboard included in price), drinks, excursions and souvenirs (last cruise we did was 35 nights and we spent £1,500 onboard and on excursions).

Yes, I agree you’ll be spending £2000! Dirty my response was to the person who couldn’t believe a holiday cost that much! I think you’ve done well. I’d agree to 5 days max with FIL but not 10-14 days. It’s a lot staying with family anyway

fUNNYfACE36 · 19/07/2022 09:22

Don't you think uou will have to watch them like hawks in the cruise, which I have to say sounds even less toddler friendly!

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 19/07/2022 09:28

surreygirl1987 · 18/07/2022 19:16

At least, I'd say.
Golly! I had no idea that's how much other people spent! I guess I'd better get saving before my boys start expecting more expensive holidays!

Is this the first MN holiday thread that you've looked into?

For the Skyscanner, do you always have a sufficient choice of destinations that you've never missed out based on whether or not you've already had the relevant vaccines for them?

Has Skyscanner ever not been able to provide something for you so you've elected not to go away rather than have to pay what would be (presumably) peak price during school holiday season?

Campervangirl · 19/07/2022 09:28

Not unreasonable at all, it's no holiday for you.
It's just an excuse for your DH to have 2 weeks off whilst you pick up the slack, I'd tell him to go for a week alone then come home and take over looking after the DC whilst you have some time off, that's fair but I'll bet my bottom dollar your DH won't think so 😬
Re your cruise, have you been on one before?
I only ask as I've been on two, one was drinks all inclusive.
The other cruise wasn't, we got a nasty shock at the drinks bill and me and oh are not big drinkers, we're also not skint but I nearly fainted when I saw the bill.
Just a heads up if you havnt been on a cruise before 😉

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 19/07/2022 09:35

A cruise with kids is perfect, those who say it isnt have obviously never been on a cruise. (particularly P and O, RCI or Princess)

Glitterspy · 19/07/2022 09:47

titchy · 18/07/2022 18:37

I agree with you! Though I'm not sure a two week cruise is exactly the best kid friendly holiday either....

I don’t understand how a 2 week cruise is a good holiday for children either?

Holidays aren’t holidays once you have kids. You have to be prepared to forget about the “relaxing” bit of holidays until your kids are older. DFIL’s house doesn’t sound perfect but maybe you can make the best of it - agree a childcare rota with DH, prep food so you’re not cooking all the time, get some activities planned so your day trips etc are sorted in advance. A summer holiday in an idyllic country cottage, however rustic, is what childhoods are made of.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/07/2022 09:47

Holidayplanisshit · 19/07/2022 01:02

Canary Islands from Southampton with P&O

www.pocruises.com/find-a-cruise/N332/N332.summary

OK doubly jealous!! DH isn't a cruise fan, we did Norway for our honeymoon and we have a third child too in school lol

Just be grateful you have this opportunity to have your kids at risk of falling through the stairs, falling into the stream all whilst having no functional kitchen to do even basic food in a cruise ship where you will not settle with all the hazards around reins on the deck, proper supervision by the pool. Think that covers it.

bruffin · 19/07/2022 09:50

"Why would a cruise with toddlers be a nightmare, though? People keep saying that without really giving a convincing argument for why"
Because you are stuck on a boat, yes there is entertainment but its all so contained.

bruffin · 19/07/2022 09:52

Also I really dont like cruises for their effect on the local environment and economy

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