To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

[Holidayplanisshit]

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

Cruises in general give me the horrors, stuck on a floating apartment block for 2 weeks with all the norovirus/coronavirus the great unwashed can offer, with dubious “entertainment” (I hate being “entertained”), no opportunity to get into local culture or nature for and daily over eating/drinking? Not for me thanks.

I can't really see why that would be an issue with toddlers if there was plenty of entertainment, it sounds ideal to have everything at your doorstep without needing to travel.

I think it sounds more to do with some adults not liking the feeling of being contained, but I'd much prefer that than being on a stressful scrapyard with very little to do!

My friends ship got turned around in February because some of the passengers got covid and it spread like wildfire, loads of people were banned from leaving their cabins and had guards in the corridor etc.

TBH even with a pro-active parent managing the twins with me, I wouldn't want to spend more than a weekend at the FiLs. (I had a 2y age gap so from 18m/3 until 4/6 my two were a liability as the oldest constantly had meltdowns, and the younger was a parkour expert... he'd have loved the opportunuties at the cottage, but it wouldn't have gone down well with Mountain Rescue...)

A family friendly cruise is basically a floating resort. Perfect.

I'd be fine with DH going for a few days, but I'd want nothing to do with it. Home sounds far better.

That seems a rather restrictive cruise, however. If I'm spending that much and travelling that far, I don't want to be limited to family friendly excursions. well that's why lots of people don't travel abroad with toddlers but it's no different to getting a plane to a resort

Maybe compromise, 2 or 3 days with FIL and the rest doing day trips near your home. When I was a young child our holiday cottage was cancelled one year so we had two weeks doing day trips from home. It was fine (and a lot less work for my mother).
You need to be assertive with your DH and either limit time with FIL or refuse to go at all.

At barely 3, they won't.

Its also OK for op to want a holiday where she gets a break too. She's not the least important person in the family.

Don't be such a clown.

Completely agree.

It's a very selfish suggestion of your husband knowing that his father's home is a dangerous scrapyard.

I wouldn't dream of bringing toddlers to such an unsafe environment.

A cruise with toddlers wouldn't also be my idea of a holiday either.

Sounds too much like hard work particularly as it sounds like you have a lazy partner who would leave the bulk of their care to you.

I would do days out and bring the children home to their own beds.

Treating yourself to a couple of nights out if you have a babysitter or some take out food.

Explain to DH that you want a day-on, day-off deal with the childcare? Or he does mornings and you evenings? That might make him realise that he's not actually organising a holiday but a stress-hole of sharp metal edges, deep water (although a stream does sound lovely IMO), fall hazards and injury.

OP does your husband do anything? You're even talking about "keeping the cabin tidy" on your cruise. What does he actually do?

NOPE. Similar trip to my mums last year was a nightmare - every room was an accident waiting to happen, completely rural so absolutely nothing around for miles, no public transport and DM and partner also set in their ways so would get huffy about toys in living room or kids tv playing. Wasnt a holiday at all, i was just stressed in someone elses house.

Im totally baffled by anyone telling you that you are being unreasonable.

In what possible way is it better than being at home - where you have beaches for day trips and all the stuff you need for your toddlers.

There doesn't seem a single way that it is a 'holiday'?? Twins need a busy active schedule - even if that is just playing in a nearby play park - why on earth would it be a 'holiday' to look after your twins in a different location that has nothing to offer them.

But there are safe places on a cruise. Ince inside its like being in any hotel re keeping hold of them, on deck they need to be in reins but that's v different to having them in reins in the garden. Kids clubs and excursions means there's more to keep them entertained than an unsafe house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by scrap and unsafe streams.

They’re two though. Poking cowpats with sticks their hands-- yelling at sheep because its great to teach kids to s are animals and the local farmer will be so grateful and falling in the scrap heap, and the nettles paddling in the steam will do it. Erm, a no from me.

Is he suggesting it in hope that you say: "It's completely unsuitable for the children, you go by yourself and have a week or two of R&R away from family COMPLETELY while I hold the fort, and naturally I don't expect you to return the favour ever"?

I'm baffled by the people who seem to think that you need to have a playpark or ballpark nearby to entertain children. Trying to remember what we did as young children with spades and sticks and the outdoors. How on earth did we survive?

DH can cook but doesn’t cook the sort of food DCs will eat - he likes too much spice/flavours for them!

See my earlier post with the link to the cruise we’re booked on - I’ve cruises many times and, yes they can be expensive, but you can also get bargains in low season outside of school holidays when 3rd/4th occupants in the cabin go free.

In regards to getting a few takeaways etc during the time at DFiL’s, there are none - literally nothing in his village (not even a pub) - so it would be down to me to go out on maybe a 20 mile round trip for whatever is available in surrounding places as they’re too rural for deliveries.

Rural North Wales so anything from 5-8 hours driving depending on the traffic as most roads are single/dual carriageways and not motorways (when DFiL came down with DSiL for christening at end of May it took 8 hours and that was with only adults in the car so stops were minimal for toilet breaks)

A freakishly similar family set up since you were able to also provide all this information about the OP’s family set up despite the fact that you and she are apparently completely different people!

The namechange fail I get - but I don’t get you then trying to pretend that you are not the OP when it’s transparently obvious you are!

I'd personally go, make a few adaptions to stop the kids using the stairs without me (and talk to them - and yes i do have a 3yo, so I know they aren't always the most sensible), and I'd plan to do lots of outdoorsy stuff.

BUT

My husband would be doing at least half of the cooking, cleaning, entertaining, watching and organising -without asking, because they are his children too. I don't get how your husband won't even cook for his own children because he chooses to make dishes that they won't eat (though, is there any reason why they are refusing so many basic foods?)

Why is he so detached from family and why do you let him get away with being such a rubbish husband and dad?

I'm not sure what you want to hear, OP. I can only say what others have: tell your DH that if you go, he must do his fair share of looking after and entertaining the kids and of cooking (and of course he's not incapable of making things other than curry, spicy food and sandwiches; he just doesn't normally do it, which is not the same thing at all).
If he won't agree to that, you tell him you're not going.

No, we usually spend much more. 2k for 2 weeks for 4 people.....that's very little!!

It's hard work keeping up with toddler twins, we've been there! It doesn't sound like you'll get anything close to resembling a holiday and too much like hard work. If I was you, id be staying at home with the toddlers - he can go solo. It will be much easier to handle adventurous toddlers in safe and familiar surroundings!

Yes they do spend that. I can't think of a holiday abroad that would cost much less than that unless it's camping.

It depends on your priorities and how much your mortgage is but we earn three quarters of what you do and spend £3-£5 k per holiday.

Definitely doesn't sound like a holiday to me, just loads of hard work TBH.

Cruises are amazing for kids, we have taken DS1 from 8 months old, so much for kids of all ages to do. The most relaxing holiday with little ones there is. So safe also.

You've done well if you have found one for £2k though. We have never paid that, generally more than that.

A two week holiday abroad for four people for £2k is an excellent price. £500 per person.

Of course that doesn't mean it's affordable for everyone. It's still an excellent price for what it is.

I'm very surprised that someone with a household income of over £100k wouldn't know that.

Can you get a tent and find a really cheap campsite or empty field belonging to a neighbour/friend of DFIL nearby. The tent will be an investment for many years to come giving you lots of cheap holidays. Campsites are child friendly so would be much better than staying in an unsuitable cottage. A field would be fine too if there is no water danger etc. as kids could just run about and play outdoor games. Its what many people do with young children and its fine. We used to belong to Caravan Club as they had lots of small sites that allowed tents.