To think this holiday plan is just a bit shit for a family with young children?

[Holidayplanisshit]

Background - we’re saving money for a holiday next autumn with twins; not massively expensive (under £2000 for 2 week cruise) but, as a low income family, it will take a bit of discipline to save a regular amount rather than spend on extras for the children. We’ve set an amount to save each month which will pay for the cruise and also give us spending money.

Now for my AIBU…….. DH wants to go away for a holiday this year as well and thinks 10 days to 2 weeks staying with his DF in rural Wales will be “perfect” - for that read free accommodation and he will, no doubt, love spending the evenings in his dad’s garden drinking beers and chatting guy crap!! Meanwhile, the cottage his DF lives in isn’t child friendly - think no proper kitchen or bathroom (he’s been saying for years that he’s going to swap them round or refit both but all he’s done is rip stuff out and cobble working parts together) the stairs are in the middle of the living space and aren’t childproof plus no way to stop toddlers going up or down meaning I’ll have to watch them like hawks. The garden is full of junk and not safe for kids to play in, there’s no boundary fencing and there’s a stream across the Lane which they could easily fall into.

There’s nothing locally for us to do as a family without having to drive miles each way even to a play park! Even the ‘local’ beach is over an hour’s drive away - for context, we live 20 miles from beautiful beaches that people actively seek out to visit for holidays!!

DFiL is lovely but doesn’t really interact with the children when he stays with us and, as an older man, is quite set in his ways so follows quite a rigid routine of wanting his daily paper, having a few drinks in the evening and a couple of smokes in the garden later in the evening. DH readily admits his dad won’t help out with the children and that his home isn’t ideal but he just sees the idea of a free holiday. I see 10 days to 2 weeks of
him having a whale of a time doing nothing as he won’t be at work while I am watching the children, keeping them safe and entertained and making sure they’re fed regularly (not helped by them being fussy eaters so I can’t just give them what my DFiL would usually cook as they won’t eat curries, fish, veg or things).

AIBU for wanting a holiday that gives me as well as DH a chance to kick back & relax; where our kids can play safely, have something to do walking distance away to entertain them a bit either during the day or in the early evening; a pub or restaurant where we can eat sometimes during the holiday so I don’t have to cook every single day. Basically I don’t want my precious holiday time spend being a spare wheel to DH & SFiL having a great catch up while I manage young children in a totally unsuitable environment!!

You aren’t restricted to anything on a cruise. You can go off by yourself, hire a local tour guide or do excursions, not all of which are specifically for families.

He obviously wants to spend time with his dad. Suggest he goes to see him for a few days. I wouldn't take the kids there, if it's going to be hard work.

Send husband alone for one week.
Then he comes back and you go somewhere alone for one week.

And you added in fuel/travel to airport, airport parking, insurance and all spending money - food and attractions.

2 of us went off peak, cheap flights for 3 nights in Rome and it was £1k if you added in everything we spent.

The OP has twin toddlers and a useless husband. It's probably a holiday to her if she gets a couple of hours without the twins and a meal that she hasn't cooked herself. I might be wrong but I doubt she's particularly worried about being limited to 'family friendly' excursions.

The most peaceful trip away I had when my DC was little was a work conference in another country to which I tacked on a couple of days of sightseeing. Despite having to present on one of the days, it was like a 'holiday' to me just to sit down and eat dinner with other adults, sleep in until 9 the next morning and not be responsible for the home shit for a few days.

Let him go
On his own
And he can bring one kid with him
Youll have the other.

Plus it sounds like your dh is not a father to your kids. More like a sperm donator. Youll get sick of him soon enough and leave him

I hope.

Why don’t you let him go to his Dad’s to spend a week with him. You could possibly go away for a few nights with friends or family at some point. But even if you didn’t just suggest he goes alone for some quality time with his family.

Annual insurance for us as a family is under £150; fuel (at current prices) around £100 round trip; parking £5/day at friend’s house (she provides holiday parking at that price but has also said she’s happy to waive it for us) taxi to port from her house around £8; spending money is being saved at same rate as money to pay for cruise and will more than cover meals ashore (all meals onboard included in price), drinks, excursions and souvenirs (last cruise we did was 35 nights and we spent £1,500 onboard and on excursions).

Why don’t people at least be bothered to read the OPs posts?!

Her H can’t drive, due to sight problems, so can’t go on his own!

YABU. It's free and it's probably the only holiday you're going on this year. Tbh. A cruise with kids sounds boring anyway! Why don't you compromise and do a week instead of 10 days?

I think it sounds like my ideal holiday, better than the cruise which is my idea of hell with kids.

kids love the countryside, they don’t really need parks and places to visit. I grew up playing in my grandads garden full of junk, it backed on to a field with horses in it and we loved talking to the horses. Kids love messing around gardening, looking at nature etc.., teach them about safety near water and keep a close eye on them, the stream could be fun for paddling or looking for wildlife (get them a net each). I bet they will remember it forever. Kids don’t need lots of stuff and entertainment.

And if you can’t afford a £2000 cruise why go? We are low income and never spend more than £500 on a holiday, yes we stay in the uk (Wales being one of our favourites), we often camp or slum it in a travel lodge or caravan but the kids have always had a great time.

I can quite see how the OP can do it all on a budget!!

I'd consider £2k a reasonably cheap holiday. Where are you going in the school holidays that's less than this? Genuinely interested, not trying to be a dick. I'm not rolling in it myself!

I didn’t say we couldn’t afford it, we could stick it on a credit card tomorrow but we choose to save in advance and not have the interest it would accrue on a card, know that it’s all covered and just tighten our belts on extras in the meantime.

kids love the countryside, they don’t really need parks and places to visit. I grew up playing in my grandads garden full of junk, it backed on to a field with horses in it and we loved talking to the horses. Kids love messing around gardening, looking at nature etc.., teach them about safety near water and keep a close eye on them, the stream could be fun for paddling or looking for wildlife (get them a net each). I bet they will remember it forever. Kids don’t need lots of stuff and entertainment.

This doesn't sound fun at all with two 2.5 year olds. Not old enough to properly listen to safety instructions and you'd need to watch both of them like a hawk at all times.

Seems like I and most people who voted agree the Wales holiday idea is a bit shit. A couple more things:

(a) You have lovely beaches 20 miles away. I think everyone saying "go, make the best of it, it's a holiday" might be overlooking that. Sod North Wales and this dangerous for your toddlers skanky cottage with a stream with steep banks (no doubt tons of nettles) near by. I think people are romanticizing rural North Wales because they haven't been in the situation that awaits you.

(b) OP I am so sorry you've lost both your parents so young, and to read about how much you miss having a good chat with your dad. I feel the same about my mum. In an ideal world, DH could go and bond with his dad and you could go to your parents. I see DH doesn't drive, and why, and yet I'm not completely convinced that a few days with his dad isn't worth the traveling for him. I'd suggest he take a week off work and go for a few days. I think you might be surprised by how well you'd cope at home without him - you would probably do more planning of events. And when he gets back, he should use the last couple of days of his week to take responsibility for looking after the twins and you should go somewhere yourself just for one night and a couple of days -- is this something you'd enjoy?

Anyway, good luck and keep your eye on the prize of the cruise which sounds fantastic. Also can't believe how many posters are trying to rain on that parade -- kind of rude. You've clearly fully researched it properly and are looking forward to what sounds like it will be a super time!

If only there were ways to travel that didn't involve driving yourself in a car....

There is, it just takes longer and might cost more. As an aside, is your DH entitled to PIP if he's legally blind, OP? That would neutralise his 'it's too expensive' argument as he's receiving money for the very purpose of meeting this expense.

If I was feeling extra nice, I might drop him off there for a few days and take the DC to a holiday park on the coast nearby, but TBH it doesn't sound like he needs that kind of consideration given that he doesn't do the same back and do his share of parenting his DC.

Then say no. Don't go to FILs. I'm not sure what other advice you are looking for here

We’ve come up with similar costings but pay for parking at the port which is around £170 for the 2 weeks and insurance is slightly higher due to medical conditions but not a lot more - all covered by the money we’ll save between paying the balance and travelling. We’re budgeting around £1,000 for spending and extras based on what we’ve spent on holiday as a couple pre children.

DH isn’t registered blind but, even with glasses, his eyesight is too poor for him to legally meet the requirements for reading number plates. Public transport would get him most of the way then his DD would have to collect him. I’d happily send him off on his own for a long weekend/week but he probably wouldn’t go knowing it would leave me at home with the twins.

Before we met going to stay with his parents (different parts of the country) was never a priority and he would happily see them at family gatherings or keep in touch by phone. We are more than happy for DFiL to come to us whenever he wants to and now live afternoon visit distance from DMiL so see her regularly.

I wouldn’t go, it sounds stressful.

£2k for a holiday isn’t much. We spent more than that on a week in Turkey at Easter. And I’m definitely low income 😂

Speak for yourself. Not every 2yo is content with walking around aimlessly just passing time poking cow shit. My ds at 2 would certainly not be amused or entertained by that. Op yanbu, that sounds like a miserable way to spend time. Also no proper kitchen and bathroom, no way in hell. Your dh can go by himself of FIL can come to you.

For everyone saying about DH being a lazy parent - he is; the twins are at an age where he will happily play with them and roll around like a big kid himself. He’ll have them if I have to go out somewhere and can’t take them (if he’s not working) but I wouldn’t expect him to take them on holiday on his own. I am the parent who does the bill of the childcare due to him working.

But he doesn’t consider the potential safety issues of a garden with no fencing and a stream across the lane; he would happily let them climb in and over junk in the garden but wouldn’t think about how to deal with injuries if they fell off something or hurt themselves in some other way - back to the not driving, he’d be dependent on DFiL or have to call an ambulance (the nearest town has a minor injuries unit open Monday to Friday 8-6, no weekends or bank holidays; A&E is considerably further away). On the other hand, I would prefer to know I can let them play in a garden/play area without worrying about them drowning or breaking something.

Likewise, I don’t fancy going away and spending my time childproofing someone else’s house - and I’m not sure DFiL would appreciate it either!

And just because it's free it doesn't mean op needs to be desperate and grab it with both arms. It sounds like a truly shit place to stay in with 2 small children. It's unsafe, no proper basic facilities and nothing child friendly to do. A hard no. Dh can go alone, he doesn't get to guilt you into going while he has a good time and you are stuck with the Donkey work.

I was thinking exactly that. I was pmsl at the idea of spending 2K on a cruise.

Leaving that aside, @Holidayplanisshit , there is nothing that would persuade me that your husband's plan is a good one. Been there, done that, with toddlers. It's a bloody nightmare. What I don't understand is how your husband wouldn't leave you at home with them because it would be too much hard work for you, but would be happy for you to be having a far harder time in an environment which is not only not set up for toddlers but is positively unsafe.